To have integrity means that you stick to your morals and ethics regardless of external influences in your life. This is much easier said than done, and a lot of people have relaxed their personal integrity for the sake of avoiding conflict, remaining employed, and so on.
But unfortunately, there’s always a price to be paid for this loss of integrity, and that’s usually a loss of self-respect and dignity. If you want to maintain your integrity, you’ll need to be prepared to say “no” to the following things, regardless of the potential repercussions of doing so.
1. Actions that go against your moral code.
You may not share everyone else’s morals and ethics, but you undoubtedly have a list of things that you feel strongly about. And if you want to maintain your integrity, you need to be willing to stand up for and defend those values. For example, you may refuse to tolerate bigotry towards others and will speak up against it even if it means alienating the people who employ you. Alternatively, you may be fiercely protective of the vulnerable and are willing to step in to defend a child or animal who’s being abused.
These actions may come at a cost to you in some way, but you know that you won’t be able to respect yourself if you don’t take action when push comes to shove. The same goes for remaining silent in the face of horrible injustice. People of integrity usually have a strong sense of justice and will say “no” to turning a blind eye to wrongdoing because it’s unthinkable to do otherwise.
2. Keeping important information from your loved ones.
If you’ve ever had a friend or relative tell you something and then ask you not to tell your partner or spouse about it, you know what an uncomfortable and awkward position that can put you into. Even if it’s innocent, not sharing that information can damage trust in the relationship if they find out about it later.
One of the things I respect most about my partner is her unyielding integrity, which she has proven to me on countless occasions. This has included times in which our respective family members have made comments that they hoped would stay between them and her, and she chose to risk conflict (and their inevitable ire) by being utterly transparent with me immediately.
3. Speaking poorly of others (especially if they aren’t around to defend themselves).
Gossiping about those who aren’t around can happen in just about any social situation. Friend groups spill the tea about acquaintances who aren’t in attendance, and many family members see it almost like their duty to share information about other relatives to keep everyone else apprised of familial goings-on.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior — and been appalled to discover that those you had trusted had instead shared extremely personal details in your absence — you know how devastating this can be. By refusing to gossip about others behind their backs, you don’t just prove to others that your integrity is impeccable: you also reaffirm that to yourself.
4. Not practicing what you preach.
Many of us grew up around adults who informed their offspring to do as they said, not as they did. Instead of leading by example, they showed a remarkable double standard and hypocrisy. They expected those around them to behave a certain way, but they were absolved of doing so because of reasons that were never explained. This caused many of us to lose faith and respect in those who were supposed to be teaching us how to navigate life effectively.
When you choose to uphold the same standards you try to establish for others, you show that you’re holding yourself accountable to these standards as well. You’re not placing yourself above anyone else with a “rules for thee, but not for me!” mentality. Think of it this way: who would you respect more? A leader who gives orders while sitting in a comfy chair nearby? Or someone who rolls up their sleeves and dives in to do difficult work as an equal?
5. Breaking your word.
Historically, giving someone your word (i.e., making a promise) was a bond that was expected to be kept except under the direst of circumstances, namely death or something close to it. Breaking one’s word was unconscionable: it would mean permanent loss of integrity, and nobody would ever trust that person again. Depending on the circumstance, it could even involve punishment on some level.
But now we live in an era in which people make and break promises all the time, and think that doing so is okay; that if someone has a problem with it, they’ll just end that friendship or relationship rather than trying to rebuild trust. This is why someone who keeps their word is such a rare and noble being.
When you prove consistently that you’ll show up when you say you will, and honor your commitments, other people can’t help but admire and respect you. In contrast, breaking your word consistently won’t just make others lose respect for you — you’ll develop a startling amount of self-loathing as well. Integrity isn’t just about honesty, but it is a big part of it.
6. Temporary amusements that may cause long-lasting damage.
We all get impulsive sometimes and make decisions that may not be the best for us or those around us. These decisions often revolve around things that are tantalizing in the moment, but may have long-lasting damage: either to ourselves, or those we’re close to.
It might be a delicious idea to spend some quality alone time with the bellydancer from your friend’s stag party, but what will the consequences of that action be for your relationship, if you’re in a committed, monogamous one? Similarly, you might find it funny to prank one of your colleagues, but if that seemingly harmless prank does them real harm — even if it was unintended — that’ll put your job at risk, and might be a black mark against you permanently. If you want to keep your integrity intact, slow down and think before letting your impulses take control.
7. Supporting businesses that aren’t aligned with your values.
The idiom “we vote with our wallets” is quite true. When we support a business by purchasing its items or services, we’re sending a message that we support what they do and how they do it.
Most people don’t think too much about where the products they enjoy come from because if they delve into the ethics behind their origins, they may discover truths that they don’t want to face. A person who’s feeling pretty down in general may prefer the bliss of ignorance to discovering that their favorite CrunchoSnackos are contributing to animal extinction, or that the shoes they love are made with slave labor.
The thing about maintaining one’s integrity is that one needs to consistently behave with integrity to keep it intact. Essentially, walking the walk, not just talking the talk. If you’re claiming to be passionate about saving the environment while supporting companies that are destroying it, that’s not living with integrity, but hypocrisy.
Final thoughts…
We all have causes we’re passionate about, and stances we feel are important to defend. The thing is, a lot of people out there won’t share these values and will try to undermine your position on them when and how they can. Some may threaten your livelihood, and others might threaten to blacklist you unless you play by their rules. Ultimately, it’s your call whether you choose to stand by your ethics and therefore maintain your integrity, or if you’ll cave and do what’s easier instead of what’s right.
