Life is not a game meant to be played in total safety. Risk is often a part of personal growth and new experiences. We have to choose to make ourselves uncomfortable to pursue things that we want. Growth typically happens outside of the comfort zone because it leads to an unknown that you will have to figure out when you get there.
Still, there’s nothing wrong with being safe if that’s how you want to live your life. But if you want to grow and experience all life has to offer, well, you’re going to have to take some risk. But how can you tell if you’re playing things too safe? Here are 8 signs.
1. You choose what’s familiar over growth.
The familiar is comfortable because it’s familiar. You already fully know what to expect and generally understand how things work in your present life. However, as Dr. Sally Augustin writes, familiar doesn’t necessarily mean “good”. So many people stay in toxic relationships or troubling situations because the toxicity is familiar, and familiar feels safe.
But familiar isn’t always safe. In fact, familiarity can set you back on your journey to personal growth and achievement. You have to be willing to step into the unknown, sometimes without fully understanding what you’re stepping into, if you want to make real progress.
2. You avoid risks altogether.
Not every risk is worthwhile, but taking no chances on any risks isn’t good either. You may find that you assume every risk is going to lead to disaster, so you just don’t take any chances, even when the possible rewards outweigh the risks. For some, any kind of risk is just an automatic “no,” and they want nothing to do with it.
Risk can be good for you if you approach it from a reasonable angle, even if the idea does cause a lot of anxiety. So many life lessons and personal growth can be had from a willingness to take risks and do new things that intimidate you. You just have to have confidence that you’ll be able to figure out whatever it leads to.
As leadership expert and author Doug Sundheim shares, playing it too safe is a risk in itself. What will you lose out on because you chose the safe path instead of the riskier one?
3. You overthink instead of acting.
“Analysis paralysis” is a phrase used to describe the behavior of analyzing every decision to death, hoping to avoid mistakes by being too careful. In reality, overanalyzing and overthinking just delay progress and may even cost you the opportunity altogether because sometimes life’s opportunities have an expiration date on them. There’s a lot to be said for timing.
Sometimes, you just need to act. You should definitely take a little time for planning, but a better approach than trying to predict every eventuality ahead of time is to remind yourself that you can handle what comes after.
That’s where self-confidence matters. You may not be able to predict everything that can go wrong, but you can certainly be confident enough to fix a problem should it arise.
4. You settle for less in relationships, work, and life.
People who value stability and predictability are often okay with staying in situations that are “fine” for them. They aren’t especially good or fulfilling, they’re just “fine,” and that’s okay because the situation isn’t toxic or destructive. Or is it?
Is it toxic to stay in a situation that you know isn’t meant for you? Consider LeeAnn, who is in a relationship with a man who doesn’t particularly excite or attract her. What he does offer is safety and security, and LeeAnn found those to be desirable traits in her partner. However, that couldn’t last forever, because he was far more invested in the relationship than she was.
What actually ended up happening to LeeAnn is that she eventually became bored because she wasn’t being fulfilled. As a result, the rest of the relationship crashed and burned a couple of years after it should have officially ended.
People often call this “being realistic” when, in fact, it’s just them settling. Settling so rarely works out. It usually just ends up in an explosion of mistrust, turmoil, and chaos.
5. You hide your real opinions.
You may find that you keep your thoughts to yourself to avoid conflict. To be contrary is to put oneself in an unsafe position. That is, the position isn’t necessarily dangerous, but it’s not stable and secure either. In fact, expressing your real opinions can lead to arguments and other conflicts that you may not have been looking for.
Still, to be true to yourself, you have to be willing to make other people angry or upset at times. There will always be times when you need to tell someone something they don’t want to hear if you’re going to spend time around people. Sometimes people just aren’t right or kind, and they may need a bit of a reminder to get back on track.
6. You mistake preparation for progress.
Procrastination wears many masks. One of those masks is that of “preparation”. Essentially, the person starts planning, researching, or waiting for the perfect time to get started. What goes unsaid is that the person doesn’t have any intention of starting. Instead, they’re stalling because they are afraid to leap into the unknown.
You can only do so much preparation before jumping into something. Yes, it’s good to do some research and have a general idea of what you’re going into. However, there does come a point when you’ve done so much research that there’s nothing left but to take action. Besides, there will undoubtedly come problems you couldn’t have prepared for either way. Might as well get to work.
7. You seek the approval of others before doing anything.
Some people who play things too safe come to rely on the reassurances of others to justify their choices, rather than relying on their own instincts. This kind of behavior is often rooted in poor self-esteem, because the person may not feel like they are smart or capable enough to make these big decisions. But, it’s also avoidance, because then they have someone to blame other than themselves if things don’t go well.
You can’t rely on the approval of others to get things done in life. No one else has your experiences or knowledge that helps you arrive at the conclusions that you have. It may be that only you can truly see what the potential in a situation is. And besides, if you’re going to have to deal with the consequences, you might as well be the one calling the shots.
8. You confuse comfort with happiness.
Comfort is easy to confuse with happiness because they both feel good in similar ways. However, they aren’t the same, and the confusion can actually fuel unhappiness. Comfort is nice because it’s peaceful, stable, predictable, and quiet. The pursuit of happiness is not. The pursuit of happiness typically brings with it the thrills of new experiences and uncertainty for the future.
Still, some people choose quiet comfort over happiness. Those who do usually appreciate it for a while, but it’s not providing the kind of emotional fulfillment that happiness does. You may find that you are left wanting, feeling like you’re missing something important. And that’s because you are.
Final thoughts…
You only get one life. Quiet and comfort are nice, but most people tend to want to get more out of life. They want to feel the brightness of happiness, but they may be afraid of the risks, so they play things safe. It does a disservice not only to you, but to the people that you decide to “settle” on.
Pursuing happiness is worthwhile with the understanding that happiness is fleeting. Circumstances will change, and experiences will end. That much is inevitable.
