The acronym “FOMO” stands for Fear of Missing Out. It refers to the feeling that one is being left out of things that they might enjoy, or that they aren’t experiencing all the amazing things they could be doing, instead of what they’re currently engaged with. Also, they feel that other people are having a better life than they are.
But why do some people seem to experience intense FOMO whilst others don’t? Interestingly enough, no matter where you go, the people you meet who feel the most FOMO seem to share the qualities and traits listed below.
1. Anxiety: both social and about not having enough time to do everything they want to do.
Many people who experience FOMO deal with some form of anxiety, according to psychologists. For some of them, it’s the worry that other people dislike them and are therefore not inviting them to all the fun things they’ve planned. Meanwhile, others fixate on their own limited mortality and feel that they won’t have enough time to pack all the living they want to do into their lifespan.
The unifying factor here is the anxiety of not taking part in activities that one’s peers are taking part in. There are so many things that people may experience over the course of their lives, but nobody can do everything. As such, the crushing weight of having to choose which potentially life-altering experiences to enjoy can cause people immense stress and angst.
2. They’re overly engaged in other people’s lives instead of living their own.
Social media is full of influencers whose meticulously curated feeds are full of joyful, beautiful images of the supposedly perfect lives they’re living. As such, those who spend a disproportionate amount of their time scrolling through others’ feeds inevitably develop an intense feeling of FOMO. A finding that’s been confirmed by research.
They spend so much time fixating on what everyone else is doing with their lives that they don’t engage with their own. They are constantly comparing themselves to others, which leads them to feel they’re missing out on doing great things, without encouraging them to actually do something about that feeling.
3. Misplaced (and usually uninformed) idealism.
Generally, those who fear they’re missing out on something amazing have idealized notions about what’s actually going on. For example, they might obsess over someone else’s travel photos and romanticize all the awe-inspiring sights, tantalizing foods, and joy-filled experiences they see glamorized on a daily basis.
What they fail to take into account is all the discomfort that goes along with those experiences. Having travelled a fair amount, I do have great memories of some of the places I’ve been, but I’m also haunted by the memory of terrifying hotel stays, insects the size of my forearm, and food poisoning that was downright Biblical in its might and fury.
4. Low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is a trait shared by almost everyone who experiences FOMO. In addition to feeling like impostors or failures — essentially that other people are living their lives “better” than they are — they often feel that if they haven’t been invited to an event, it’s because other people don’t want them there.
Similarly, they’ll feel obligated to attend events or take part in trends that others are doing in order to feel accepted. This perspective often stems from having been excluded from things in their youth, often due to social awkwardness during their teen years. The person who wasn’t invited out because they weren’t as conventionally attractive as their peers will often grow up to be a self-conscious adult with FOMO and a terrible sense of self-image.
5. “Grass is greener” syndrome.
Many individuals think that whatever someone else is doing must be more fun, engaging, or prestigious than what they’re up to. This relates somewhat to the overuse of social media mentioned earlier, but isn’t limited to it. They might feel content — even fulfilled — about their current project or pursuit, but then hear about what a colleague or old school chum is up to, and that contentment sinks into depression instead.
Additionally, a lot of FOMO-afflicted people may sincerely want to do great things in their own lives, but feel that nothing they do will ever hold a candle to what that other person is doing, so why bother?
They might avoid going to art shows, music performances, or whatever other subject they’re involved in because, rather than being inspired, they’ll feel defeated in their own pursuits and shut down instead.
6. A tendency to people-please.
Those who see constant social engagement as a sign of their own worth might feel that if they aren’t attending something, they’re losing an opportunity to prove their value in other people’s eyes. They often feel the need to spread themselves thin to show the world how much they’re in demand, and that turning down invitations might not just disappoint those inviting them — it’ll prevent them from including the person in question again in the future.
This people pleasing often leads to exhaustion and even health issues: the one experiencing FOMO ends up multitasking in so many directions, trying to keep everyone happy with them, that they never prioritize their own needs (which includes vital rest and replenishment).
7. Rejection aversion.
Some people are extremely sensitive to other people’s thoughts and opinions about them. Psychologists report that these people usually feel emotions very intensely, and the feeling of rejection is particularly uncomfortable (even painful) to them. One of the worst things they can possibly experience is being excluded from something, because they’ll spiral into terrible negative thoughts about how others hate them, don’t want them around, that they’re worthless, etc.
For them, the FOMO they experience has less to do with partaking in the actual event or gathering and much more to do with the idea that other people don’t want them around. When they don’t get an invitation to something, or they find out about a gathering afterward, it’s intensely painful and soul-crushing for them.
8. Fear of solitude.
One of the greatest underlying causes of FOMO is an intense fear of solitude. Many people just don’t do well when they’re alone and seek distraction as a self-soothing mechanism. Young people in particular — as well as those who have lower emotional development — will turn to things like gaming or social media scrolling to cope with their discomfort. While doing so, they may fixate upon all the things that others are doing, namely having fun, going to parties, being intimate, hanging out with friends, and so on.
People who fall into this category aren’t great with independence and often rely heavily on their peers and social groups. When those aren’t available, they sink into anxiety and depression, and do everything they can to spend time with other people as soon (and as often) as possible.
Final thoughts…
It can be a bit of a downer to realize that we won’t all be able to do everything we’d like to experience while we’re meandering on this plane of existence. This is why it’s important to prioritize the things that are really important to you, and place them high on your to-do list.
When you’re actively engaged in the things that mean most to you, you’ll feel far less FOMO: quite simply, there’s little to miss out on when you’re immersed in the pursuits that set your soul on fire.
