Have you ever found yourself wondering whether the people in your life actually care about you, or if they’re only pretending to do so? Just about everyone experiences these moments of doubt at times, especially if they have low self-esteem or low trust in others due to past mistreatment.
The good news is that sincere, loving care is difficult to fake, so if people in your life are doing the following things with you (or for you), that’s a surefire sign that they truly love and care about you.
1. Checking in and sincerely asking about what’s going on in your life.
There’s a huge difference between people who ask about your life because they’re simply being polite and those who check in on you regularly. The former will ask the question out of politeness and then change the subject if you talk about anything too heavy.
In contrast, those who truly love you and appreciate you will make a point of checking in with you regularly to genuinely see if you’re doing okay. Furthermore, if they find out that you’re dealing with hardship, they’ll not only ask if there’s anything they can do to help, but they’ll make a real effort to do so. They don’t just offer hollow platitudes and then abandon you when you’re at your lowest.
2. Remembering your birthday (or other special occasions).
Think about the people you care about the most. If someone were to ask you their birthdays or other dates that are important to them, you could likely rattle off a fairly detailed list about them, right?
Furthermore, not only could you remember these dates, but you’ll also remember that this person loves carrot cake while that one prefers gluten-free chocolate tortes, or what their favorite holidays are, and for what reason. You remember these dates because they’re important: not only to the people you love, but because these people are important to you and you want to see them enjoy life to the fullest.
Pay attention to the people who go out of their way to not just wish you a happy birthday (or holiday) when prompted by social media, but will either make plans with you for these events well in advance or make an effort to send you a card or gift. Alternatively, if they’re anything like my partner, they might deliberately pretend to misremember your birthday just to rile you up and then surprise you with something special. For these royal pains in the arse, mischief is their love language: if they didn’t adore you, they wouldn’t put in the effort.
3. Exchanging little gifts with you “just because.”
For people whose love language is gift giving, picking up random little things to give you is their way of showing you that they care. This may be misunderstood at times by those who prefer words of affirmation or quality time, but it’s actually a really clear sign that you mean the world to them.
They might bring you something random and make the excuse that it was on sale, or drop by with some home-baked deliciousness because they thought you might enjoy it. They might even gift you with little bits of weirdness they found in the woods, or make things for you by hand. By doing so, they’re giving you a clear sign that you’ve been on their mind, they care for you deeply, and they want to share something special with you.
4. Proactively making plans that involve you.
People who care about you will make a point of inviting you to things that they think you’ll enjoy, even if they have a feeling that you might decline: the point is to make you feel included so you know that your company is both wanted and enjoyed. They’ll likely even ask you for your input so they can choose options that appeal to you the most.
Furthermore, those who make plans that accommodate your individual needs don’t just show you how much they love you, but that they care enough to pay attention to the details that’ll make your life more comfortable or accessible. This can include everything from calling ahead to a restaurant to ensure allergen-free meals to booking rooms at a wheelchair-accessible hotel or creating a “safe” word or sign for you to use if you get overwhelmed and need to leave quickly.
5. Sharing meals (or cooking/baking for you).
Eating food together is one of the oldest expressions of peace and friendliness between people. It’s been a bonding ritual between strangers so they have the opportunity to become friends, and it is a way of cultivating closeness with others.
A person who goes out of their way to eat with you is showing you that they value your company and trust you enough to be vulnerable in front of you. This could be a coworker who waits to have lunch for you daily, a partner who sits and shares meals with you even if they’re not hungry, or a family member who stops by to share something amazing that they’ve cooked or baked. Both sharing and preparing food are huge expressions of love, so take note of who puts in the effort to do so for or with you.
6. Reaching out to let you know how much they care about and appreciate you.
It’s great when friends reach out to check in to see how you’re doing, but it can be even lovelier when they get in contact with you simply to let you know how much they care about and appreciate you. In today’s rushed, often harried world, setting aside the time to express things like this is a huge display of loving care.
Not long ago, I received a handwritten letter from a friend I hadn’t seen in years. He and I had been close before I moved away from the city, and although we still text regularly, we hadn’t actually spoken for about a decade. He just wanted to write and let me know how much he appreciated my friendship, how I helped him write his wedding vows back in the day, and that I’m thought of often. That gesture meant more to me than I can possibly express.
7. Exchanging ridiculous things to make each other laugh.
For those whose love languages include ridiculousness and/or dark humor, they may show you how much they love you by sending you atrocious memes while you’re at work, or buy you truly hideous items they found at thrift shops to shock, horrify, or entertain you.
Some close friends choose a theme to adhere to and make a point of exchanging silly things on that theme for several years. Others might aim for one-upmanship, increasing their efforts over time until one finally calls “Uncle”, at which point they hit reset and start the process all over again. The goal is to keep each other laughing, which can make some of life’s worst hardships all the more bearable.
8. Making plans for the future (and following through on them).
People who actively involve you in their future plans are showing you — with no room for misinterpretation — that they love you enough to want to keep you in their lives indefinitely. These acts of love often come from romantic partners, but can also come from close friends who cherish you and look forward to all the things you’ll do together as you move through life.
As an aside, this can also involve making plans for a future that you may not be involved in any longer. For example, few acts show quite as much love and devotion as when people put action plans into place for taking care of your loved ones, causes, etc, in the event of your passing. Someone who truly loves you won’t just reassure you that your children, pets, and so on will be cared for diligently once you’re no longer able to do so: they’ll write up and sign the legal documents ensuring it.
Final thoughts…
People who have been mistreated by those who were supposed to love and take care of them often have trouble trusting others or even allowing other people to get too close to them. They tend to second-guess every kind gesture, wondering whether there’s an ulterior motive or manipulation behind it. Those who truly care will keep showing up with consistent care and effort, even when you need to withdraw for a bit. You mean enough to them to be patient with you, and to show love and care on your terms.
