You’ve probably been shocked and awed on occasion to discover that some people seem to be able to “read” others like they’re flipping through books. They only need to spend a bit of time in someone else’s company to understand them on a fundamental level, and their insights into different people — even those who are relative strangers to them — can seem almost eerie at times.
Are these individuals psychic? How can they intuit so much from those around them? The key is in the habits that they put into practice on a regular basis.
1. They pay close attention to others as often as possible.
Those who can read others like a book are often perpetual people watchers. They’ll set themselves up at cafes, shows, and so on, and simply observe the people who are living their lives all around them. This doesn’t mean that they’ll eavesdrop intentionally on conversations, but might pick up on snippets of conversation that are happening within their sphere. Similarly, they may observe the same behaviors in certain types of people, as well as the same aversions in others.
By observing other people in this way, they end up learning common behavioral patterns, so it’s easier to recognize them when they come across them — even in their earliest stages. This is why it can be so startling when they seem able to figure out a person after only spending a brief amount of time with them: they follow the same types of patterns that others do, without intending to do so.
2. They learn different languages and customs.
The people who find it easiest to read others like books tend to either travel a great deal or spend time with people from different cultural backgrounds. They don’t just do this to expand their own horizons, but to glean a deeper understanding of various peoples. During their meanderings, they’ll pay attention to cultural differences so they can identify them at a glance. For example, they can often tell where a person is from by the way they’ll eat (i.e., with which hand, how they use cutlery), or by how they pronounce certain words.
These observations can be of great benefit when interacting with others: not only is there less likelihood of making a social gaffe, but they can quickly identify subtle shifts in others that they might not have been aware of had they not studied human behavior so intently.
3. They regularly challenge themselves to prevent personal bias.
One of the most important things to set aside when trying to read others is personal bias. We all have perspective differences based on our individual experiences, but it’s always important to acknowledge the bias that exists from this blinkered view. Those who read others like books often make a point of getting out of their own way, so to speak, by perpetually challenging and questioning their own reactions to things.
For example, if they observe a behavior in someone, they may recognize that they’re doing so based on X personal experience. Then, they’ll find out more about that person to determine whether there was any truth to their assumption.
My grandmother was an incredibly well-read person and had a great deal of intuition about human nature. She used to say that books can’t be read if you don’t open them because you think you already know what’s written inside them. The same goes for making assumptions about others: they’re invariably far more complex than you might initially assume.
4. They interact with a wide variety of people.
Those who can read others like a book make a point of regularly talking with a wide variety of people so they can broaden their horizons. Furthermore, they aim to remain neutral about those they interact with and talk to each person as an individual, with no preconceptions.
Doing this allows them to treat each interaction with a blank slate, giving them the chance to learn new things from everyone they talk to. They won’t summarily dismiss a person from a particular culture, age group, or other demographic because they assume they’ll be just like everyone else within that bracket, but instead go into every conversation with an open mind to learn something new.
5. They learn from their social circle as well as from firsthand experience.
In addition to recognizing patterns from their own experiences, they also draw upon things that those in their social circles have gone through. For example, if they have several friends who have all described the same experiences they had with narcissistic partners, they’ll have an easier time recognizing that behavior when they encounter it with someone new.
Nobody will be able to experience everything firsthand over the course of their lifetime, but they can amalgamate other people’s stories into their awareness library. It’s rather like those who can identify plants or animals they’ve never seen in person because they’ve read about them or watched documentaries on the subject.
6. They practice a variety of techniques to help draw people out of their shells so they can make correct assessments.
In the same way that different keys unlock different doors, there are different techniques that can be used to encourage people to open up about themselves. Some respond well to leading questions, others do well with “body doubling” or being asked for help with things.
Those of us who have worked with animals know that some are very food motivated, while others are more curious or playful, and we’ll only know which techniques will make them comfortable and draw out their personalities through trial and error. People aren’t all that different, so those who have learned to read others like books know how to diversify their approaches accordingly.
7. They remain up to date on psychology breakthroughs.
Psychology is an ever-evolving discipline, and new insights are delved into (and revealed) constantly. As a result, those who keep abreast of psychology research and theories often have an easier time reading others than those who don’t.
We’re not talking about “woo” buzzwords here, but proper academic papers and cases. They steer clear of the labels that so many people use to “armchair” diagnose one another, and instead aim to get to the heart of why people behave the way they do, either due to personal choice or innate predilections.
Interestingly, their studies (and awareness) may end up benefitting those around them, such as clueing into potential health issues in friends or family members before any noticeable symptoms appear, simply because these people exhibit subtle behavioral changes that others haven’t really noticed. For example, if they notice that one of their elder relatives has a reduced sense of smell, that might be a very early heads up that this person is developing Alzheimer’s — possibly years before any memory loss becomes apparent.
Final thoughts…
Even if a person feels they can easily read others like a book, it’s important to maintain a sense of humility, since there will always be those who function outside of established parameters.
Assuming that one can read (and/or judge) everyone around them can lead to rather dire consequences if they assume something that’s completely wrong, and then take action based on their assumption. While observation and experience count for a great deal, it’s also important to expect the unexpected rather than be arrogantly over-confident.
