How many times have people told you that they just don’t “get” you? Maybe they haven’t been able to understand your motivations for doing the things that bring you joy, or they call you weird or dumb for being interested in subjects or skills that they either can’t comprehend or actively dislike.
If you’ve struggled to connect with others because you’re so different from them, that’s actually a beautiful sign rather than any type of failure on your part… and this is why:
1. You get to live your life your own way, on your own terms.
Those who misunderstand you tend to leave you alone. They may try at first to mold you into a form or a behavior that they feel is more acceptable, under the guise of “just trying to help”, but quickly abandon those endeavors once they realize that it’s never going to happen. Since you have zero interest in conforming to other people’s wants and wishes, you’re completely free to live your life as you see fit.
If you want to live on a houseboat, dress in Roman garb on a daily basis, and eat nothing but cauliflower, go for it! Your life, your rules. I can’t begin to tell you how freeing it is to live a life that other people don’t understand: they tend to leave you alone, and you get to spend your time on the things that matter to you the most, without others’ interference.
2. You don’t need to be understood to be admired and/or respected.
Some people try to make themselves as likable as possible in order to rise in the ranks of others’ esteem. In their minds, the masses will only like and respect them if they can relate to them on numerous levels.
In reality, other people don’t need to “get” you in order to like you massively. In fact, some of the folks that others adore, or hold in highest regard as far as respect and admiration go, are those who are seen as odd or eccentric by most others. David Bowie, Bill Murray, and Tilda Swinton are just a few famous individuals whom others will never “get”, as they’re seen as so weird and unusual, but they’re deeply loved by millions nonetheless.
3. Being misunderstood sets you apart from the clones.
When you think about the people you’ve met in passing who you remember with the greatest clarity, were they the cookie-cutter folks who looked and behaved just like everyone else? Or the individuals who broke the mold and danced to their own tune? Personally, I‘ve done some travelling over the years, and whereas I can remember just about every detail of the unique souls I’ve encountered during my meanderings, the ones who have all looked and behaved the same way are nothing but a blur at the edges of my memory.
A person who is universally liked and understood is a person who’s banal enough to be palatable to the general population. The type of food that’s almost universally liked is one that’s usually bland and non-offensive, like buttered toast. It’s cozy and comforting, but ultimately flavorless. People may not be able to understand how others can love fish fingers dipped into custard or wasabi-flavored soda, but they don’t need to. Those things aren’t for them, and that’s ok.
4. You don’t have to waste any time explaining yourself.
It takes an extraordinary amount of time and emotional energy to try to explain yourself to others in ways they’ll understand — especially if they don’t seem capable of ever doing so. If you’ve ever tried to explain pop culture memes to your grandparents, you’ll know what I mean.
You can save yourself a lot of time and stress by not putting any effort into helping other people to “get” you or where you’re coming from. If they seem incapable of comprehending you in all of your multifaceted majesty, that’s fine. Either change the subject to something neutral that the two of you can connect about, or excuse yourself to go and do something that sets your soul on fire.
5. You wouldn’t thrive in the mainstream anyway.
Imagine that a polar bear rode an ice floe down to the Amazon basin. The jaguars there might share their kills with it, but they would never understand why this giant white bear can’t hunt or climb the way that they can. Similarly, if a jaguar made its way to the Arctic, the polar bears wouldn’t understand why it shivered in the cold and didn’t know how to catch seals.
If those around you don’t understand you, that’s simply a sign that either you or they aren’t in the ideal element for thriving. You can either make do with what you have, change your social group so you’re spending time with others who share your native ecosystem, or spend some time alone, doing your own thing. If and when you do feel like branching out and being social with someone, you can head to areas where you know those of like mind are likely to congregate.
6. Being able to think and feel differently from everyone else is a gift, not a curse.
Some of the best and brightest artists, authors, scientists, and adventurers from history — people whose work we admire and whose discoveries have left us awestruck — were terribly misunderstood by those around them. Galileo Galilei was a scientific trailblazer, Van Gogh’s paintings were only appreciated after his death, and Camille Claudel’s sculptures rivalled those of her lover and mentor Rodin.
These people weren’t just misunderstood while they were alive: they were mocked and mistreated horribly by those who were incapable of “getting” their depth. You’re less likely to be imprisoned or executed for being different nowadays, but if others ostracize you because you shine more brightly than they can handle, that’s a huge compliment, not a condemnation.
7. Those who do “get” you are the ones meant to be in your life.
One of the most relatable quotes I’ve read in recent years went something like this: You may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you’re someone’s bucket of bog water, and that’s more than enough.
Those who don’t understand you and who want to change you in order to make you more easily digestible for their preferences aren’t those you should be keeping in your life. Hold onto the ones who celebrate you for who you are, not despite. They may not all want to dance in the rain with you, but they’ll still be under umbrellas, DJing your favorite tunes, and cheering you on nonetheless.
Final thoughts…
When you free yourself from the tyranny of other people’s approval, you realize just how blissful it can be to exist on your own terms. You are a unique expression of the universe, so why try to live a life that’s off the rack instead of one that’s tailored to your individuality?
Determine what’s most important to you and discard anything that’s inauthentic to your existence. Those who “get” you will celebrate your realness by your side, and those who don’t can meander off to the sheep pen, where they’ll be far more comfortable.
