It’s interesting to observe people and take note of which of them seem weighed down by their advancing years, and which transcend them. Some older folks we know behave as though they’re decades older than their actual age, while others are enjoying every moment and are filled with youthful vitality, joy, and enthusiasm.
If you’d like to remain in the latter category, the key is to stay young at heart for as long as possible. You can do so by letting go of the self-defeating behaviors listed here.
1. Constantly affirming how old you’re getting.
Years ago, I had a friend who ran several miles every day, ate plenty of healthy food, and was often effusive about how much he enjoyed being outside and active. He was doing far more than most others I knew, and he never really talked about how old he was. I figured he must have been in his late forties since his hair was greying and he had some lines around his eyes, but I was shocked to discover that he was in fact in his early sixties.
Meanwhile, my other friends (who were in their late twenties and early thirties) were far more sedentary and wouldn’t just complain about how old they were getting — they would moan and complain about everything, all the time. Focus on all the things you can do and let go of the idea that age is dictated by a number: you’ll be amazed to discover just how much better you feel, and how rarely you think about your age at all.
2. Not enjoying the media that fuels your heart.
Just because you’ve reached a venerable age doesn’t mean you’re relegated to only watching murder mysteries set in quaint rural villages or reading dry nonfiction books. There are so many excellent films, TV series, and books out there to enjoy, and none of them have an age limit. Feel free to read YA (Young Adult) fiction, watch the Studio Ghibli films, and binge-watch Buffy for the 50th time if it brings you joy.
That said, it’s also important to find the middle road so you don’t end up infantilized.
An adult can watch whatever they like and still remain an adult because they’ve consciously chosen media that makes them happy. It’s when an adult starts to behave like a child that there’s cause for concern. For example, my grandfather loves The Wind in the Willows, but you won’t see him gesturing excitedly about it or overly relying upon sound effects to express himself instead of using words. There’s a huge difference between embracing whimsy to remain young at heart and being infantile.
3. Letting world events consume you to the point where you’re overwhelmed or emotionally broken.
There is a lot to stay abreast of in the world nowadays: it feels like we’re all in the middle of one great upheaval or another, and it makes a good deal of sense to stay up to date and informed. There needs to be a balance here, however, especially when it comes to remaining at least a little young at heart.
Basically, make a point of staying informed, but don’t do so to the point where you get overwhelmed and despondent about everything that’s happening around the world. If you’re feeling heartsick and depressed by world events, it’s more than okay to take a break from it all and wander out into nature to regroup and reset. Furthermore, create uplifting moments by redirecting your focus to local issues that you may be able to help, instead of being devastated by things that are beyond your power to influence.
4. Holding on to resentment.
Resentment can take many forms, depending on what caused it to begin with. For example, it’s easy to feel resentful towards one’s family members if you’ve been the main cook and cleaner in the house for years, with others promising to take care of things “next time” only to conveniently forget. Or if you were your kids’ taxi service for years, and now they’re too busy to take you to your doctors’ appointments.
The key to letting go of resentment is to recognize that it comes from unmet needs or expectations, and to address what contributed to this situation. For example, if you’re feeling resentful that you’ve prioritized other people’s needs before your own without reciprocation, address that by making your needs a priority now.
Similarly, if you feel like your expectations haven’t been met, ask yourself whether you’ve had the freedom to voice these expectations. If you haven’t, it’s time to either express them clearly or choose to change your circumstances if you feel that these expectations will never be met.
5. Adhering to others’ unspoken social laws.
There may have been social expectations in the past about how people should behave at various ages (much like Victorian mourning dress requirements), but those expectations should be fully ignored nowadays. For example, many older women feel pressured to cut their hair short instead of reveling in long silver tresses, even though they mourn the loss of their long locks.
Similarly, some people who would love to write novels in their older years feel like they can’t because they don’t have advanced degrees in English literature. Many of the most brilliant writers throughout history didn’t either, and people love their books nonetheless. Agatha Christie is one of the best-selling authors of all time, and she was homeschooled! Don’t be constrained by other people’s views: they crush the soul, whereas the child’s soul is unbounded, ever-expansive, curious, and capable.
6. The “I’m too old for this” mindset.
I remember my partner telling me about how much she got mocked as a teenager when her peers found out that she loved to knit and embroider because those were “grandma crafts”. Similarly, I’ve heard older friends talk about how much they’d love to do X, Y, or Z, but feel like they can’t because those are “young people” things to do.
Ageism sucks in any direction, but older people in particular often feel that they shouldn’t (or can’t) do something that means a lot to them because they should behave like proper elders, according to others’ expectations. Screw that idea: get the tattoo, go on the world cruise, style your hair into a mohawk, and embrace your granny goth side. There’s no time like the present to do all the things that bring you joy, and keep doing them as time goes by.
7. Fixating on the negative so you can’t see the positive.
I recently watched a YouTube video in which a guy was saying that no matter where he travelled, he always ended up meeting horrible people who treated him poorly and tried to take advantage of him. The thing is, whatever is in a person’s heart is what they’ll end up seeing in the world. When you focus on the negative, that’s what you get.
Let’s say you see a group of kids playing football: they’re running around and shouting, and you feel annoyed about how noisy, messy, and rambunctious they are. Try to remember how you felt at that age and how exhilarating it was to be wild and carefree like that. By allowing these kids that joyful experience without judgment or condemnation, we old curmudgeons can tap into that kind of exhilaration, too.
In fact, we might even want to consider joining in.
8. Thinking you can’t do the things that bring you joy anymore, because they’re for younger people only.
My partner has a friend who’s 91 years old, and he goes to see several concerts a week because he loves live music more than anything in the world. He’s perpetually surrounded by people young enough to be his grandkids, and they keep him chatting into the wee hours about all the bands he’s seen, the adventures he’s had around the world, etc.
Things that bring you joy have no age limit. Granted, you might need extra protective gear if your greatest passions include skateboarding or whitewater rafting, but don’t ever hold yourself back from doing what you love because you think that it has an age cutoff! If a pursuit or craft can be done by a human, then it can be done by a human at any age as long as they can do so safely and capably.
Final thoughts…
What we say on a regular basis shapes our reality, so fixating on your physical age will invariably make you feel far older than you actually are. People age at different rates, and those who remain young at heart often look and feel years younger than their peers. Meanwhile, those who limit themselves because of their own expectations and lament their advancing years instead of enjoying them will age much more quickly.
Eat a balanced diet, stay as active as you can, and most importantly, have joy, and you’ll be sure to maintain a sense of youthful joie de vivre well into old age.
