Social norms evolve over time, and what was once considered polite or appropriate may now feel intrusive or inconsiderate. Yet many of us carry forward behaviors that we learned from previous generations without realizing their impact on those around us.
While tradition certainly has its place, holding on to old-fashioned habits just because “that’s how it was in my day” can create friction in modern relationships and social settings. The disconnect between these outdated practices and contemporary expectations often leads to frustration on both sides. Understanding how these behaviors affect others isn’t about abandoning all tradition but rather recognizing when certain practices no longer serve us or the people in our lives. Practices like these.
1. Insisting on lengthy phone calls instead of texting for simple communications.
Once upon a time, phone calls represented the height of personal connection. But for many, they now often feel like unwelcome intrusions into carefully managed time.
Many modern adults experience genuine anxiety when their phone rings unexpectedly. The assumption that someone should drop everything to engage in a 30-minute conversation about something that could be handled in a brief text message shows a disconnect from current communication norms.
Texting allows people to respond at their convenience while managing multiple responsibilities. The behavior of forcing verbal conversations for routine matters, like confirming plans or sharing basic information, can feel particularly burdensome to younger generations who grew up with asynchronous communication options.
Of course, some matters warrant a voice conversation, and some people just enjoy a chat. The simple solution here is to text first to ask, “Are you free for a chat?” This respects others’ communication preferences and time boundaries whilst still honoring your own preferences.
2. Rigidly adhering to outdated etiquette rules, particularly in casual settings.
Formal etiquette once served as a social shorthand, helping people to navigate complex social hierarchies. Personally, I’d question why these arbitrary and made-up social rules were ever needed, but that’s a topic for another day.
Thankfully, many of these formalities are now obsolete, but some people continue to try and enforce them, often creating unnecessary tension in relaxed environments.
Social gatherings now emphasize comfort and authentic connection over rigid protocols. Someone who corrects others’ table manners at a backyard barbecue will quickly become the exhausting person that others avoid inviting.
It’s far more important to understand the difference between timeless respect (like expressing gratitude) and outdated formalities (like wearing white gloves to afternoon tea). People who adapt their behavior to match the setting rather than demanding others meet their expectations typically find more social success and genuine connection.
3. Constantly reminiscing about “the good old days” and dismissing modern customs.
Nostalgia is comforting, of course it is. But when it’s overindulged, it transforms into a behavior that alienates others, prevents meaningful engagement with the present day, and ultimately, turns you into an old grump.
Everyone occasionally recalls fond memories, but those who compulsively compare everything to an idealized past create conversational dead ends. Their commentary often carries implicit criticism of current practices, technology, or values.
Young people particularly feel invalidated by statements that suggest everything was better before they existed. The underlying message is that nothing new has value. What young person wants to hear that about their life?
If you don’t want people to start avoiding you, it’s far better to take a balanced perspective. Of course, previous eras featured genuine strengths that are worth remembering. But there were also serious problems we’ve worked to overcome. Appreciating the positive aspects of both the past and present demonstrates wisdom rather than mere sentimentality and will make you much more interesting to be around.
4. Adhering to strict gender-based social expectations.
Traditional gender roles once provided clear social scripts for interaction. But society now recognizes how these rigid expectations limit human potential and create unnecessary suffering.
Insisting that women should be in charge of domestic duties or that men should never express emotion represents outdated behavior that damages relationships and stunts our growth. These expectations prevent an authentic connection that’s based on our individual strengths and preferences rather than arbitrary gender assignments. Research shows they also damage our mental and physical health.
Children particularly suffer when adults model or enforce old-fashioned gender constraints. Their developing sense of self requires space to explore interests and emotional expression without unnecessary restrictions. Good girl syndrome is a classic example of this, as is the outdated idea of a “real man.”
Being around someone who, whether consciously or unconsciously, reinforces outdated gender stereotypes is irritating at best, and extremely harmful at worst.
5. Insisting on physical greeting cards and thank-you notes for every occasion.
No one is disputing that handwritten notes carry undeniable charm and personal touch. But their status as the only acceptable form of acknowledgment places unreasonable burdens on modern relationships.
Many of the younger generations express heartfelt gratitude through text messages, emails, or social media because these channels are equally as meaningful to them. Judging the sincerity of thanks based solely on its medium rather than its content misses the point of gratitude entirely.
Then there is the financial aspect that seldom gets mentioned in these expectations. Cards, postage, and the time required to select, write, and mail physical notes create cumulative costs that disproportionately impact younger generations who are facing economic challenges.
If you’re one to bemoan people who express their thanks through digital means, it might be time to take a look in the mirror and consider your own capacity for gratitude.
6. Making unsolicited comments about others’ appearances or personal choices.
Commenting on weight changes, suggesting someone “looks tired,” or questioning reproductive choices all reflect outdated social norms that prioritized conformity over individual autonomy. Even compliments can feel intrusive when they focus excessively on physical attributes rather than character or accomplishments. You may say that people are “too sensitive” these days, but you only have to look around you to see how harmful and out of control this excessive focus on appearance and conformity is.
Many parents frequently offer unsolicited opinions, mostly with good intentions, but it creates discomfort and signals a lack of respect for their children’s right to exist without constant evaluation.
If you want people to enjoy your company, rather than dread it, waiting until someone invites your perspective on personal matters is the way to go.
7. Showing up unannounced at people’s homes without warning.
Surprise visits were once a delightful social custom that demonstrated spontaneity and closeness. But the landscape of personal space has shifted dramatically in recent decades. The thought of someone turning up unannounced personally horrifies me.
Modern life involves carefully balanced schedules, work-from-home arrangements, and precious downtime that many guard fiercely (and rightly so). Appearing at someone’s doorstep without warning denies them the ability to prepare mentally or physically for social interaction. For many people, home represents a sanctuary where they can decompress without social performance.
This behavior fundamentally bypasses consent. Even close relationships benefit from boundaries that acknowledge each person’s autonomy and right to choose when they engage socially.
Plus, there’s just no excuse for it these days. Digital communication provides multiple channels to check if someone welcomes your company before arriving. A simple text saying, “I’m in your neighborhood—are you free for a quick visit?” acknowledges their agency while still allowing for a relatively spontaneous connection that respects everyone involved.
8. Insisting that “No one had these problems in our day.”
Though it may appear that certain conditions or differences have magically appeared or exploded in the last 20 years, the truth is that many of these experiences existed long before they had names or recognition.
People with ADHD have always existed. They were just labelled as “lazy,” “naughty,” or “undisciplined” in previous generations. People experiencing depression weren’t just “sad” or lacking willpower. Autism diagnoses haven’t increased because of modern parenting or something in the water; we’ve just got better at recognising it. What’s more, many of these conditions and neurological differences come to the fore when the demands of someone’s life exceed their expectations. And research shows that there are more stresses and demands than in previous generations.
Dismissing other people’s challenges by claiming they never existed before demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of human experience. Scientific advances have given us the language and frameworks to now recognize the differences that caused people to suffer in silence for generations.
This greater awareness and diagnosis represent progress in understanding human diversity, not evidence of decline. If you want people to enjoy your company rather than dread it, listening to other people’s experiences with openness and curiosity rather than dismissal is much more likely to make this happen.
Final thoughts…
Recognizing your outdated behaviors doesn’t mean rejecting everything you hold dear or embracing every new social trend without question. Instead, it invites you to examine how your habitual ways of interacting affect those around us, and thus, your relationship with them. The most important social skill transcends any particular era: paying attention to how our behavior impacts others and adjusting accordingly.
Many cherished traditions deserve preservation, particularly those centered on genuine connection and consideration. Others have outlived their usefulness and create unnecessary friction in contemporary relationships. Distinguishing between timeless values and outdated forms allows us to maintain meaningful connections across generations while respecting evolving social needs.
