Do you want to be happy? Of course, you do. Who doesn’t? But happiness can be hard to build or maintain because life is just hard at times. You go through ugly things that leave a mark on your heart, mind, and soul; then you’re just expected to be able to figure it out and move forward.
That is much harder than it sounds, but it’s not impossible. So, if you want to improve your mental health and state of mind, let go of these negative behaviors that are holding you back.
1. Pessimism disguised as realism.
“I’m not a pessimist. I’m a realist. Everything sucks!” I spent a long time as a pessimist, mostly because I didn’t understand what optimism actually was. Optimism isn’t naturally blind; that’s why you specify when someone is blindly optimistic. It’s not looking around and saying, “Oh! All of this is fine!” or “All of it will work out in the end!”
It may or may not work out.
Instead, as Very Well Mind shares, optimism is an attitude of hope and success. Even when things are on fire, optimism is knowing that there is a solution, even if you can’t see it right now. You can accept that things are bad while also acknowledging that they can be better. That’s optimism with its eyes wide open.
2. Seeking excessive external validation.
As mental health experts advise, people who seek external validation are looking for other people to tell them that they are worthy, smart enough, and good enough so they can feel good about themselves. The problem is that you can’t rely on other people for that. Not only do other people not want that responsibility, but it also leaves you vulnerable to manipulation.
Instead of focusing on what makes you happy, these people will instead be focusing on what makes them happy to influence how you act. So, if you like something that doesn’t make them happy, they are going to steer you away from it.
Furthermore, you can’t hinge your life choices on what other people find acceptable or not. It’s your life. You have to live it for yourself if you don’t want to be miserable.
3. Avoiding dealing with your problems.
Avoidance is such a killer of happiness because it gives small problems space to compound into much larger, harder-to-manage problems. But we avoid things because sometimes it’s just too overwhelming, or difficult, or you just may be having a hard time at the moment. Still, you have to confront your discomfort if you want to be able to grow.
That also includes looking within yourself at the parts of yourself that you don’t like. I don’t like the dark thoughts that go on in my head, so I’m just not going to focus on them and try to ignore them! Does that sound like a good idea? It is not. It’s a terrible idea because it can lead you down a path of substance abuse or maladaptive coping mechanisms just to get by.
You can’t be afraid, and you need to be proactive if you want to get the most out of life.
4. Avoiding responsibility.
So many good things in life come with additional responsibilities that you just shouldn’t turn away from or avoid. Some people strive to keep from being too tied down, but like everything, it’s a trade-off.
You will have to accept some responsibility if you want things like healthy relationships or the ability to pursue your dreams. These things take work, and you have to make sacrifices to achieve success. Then once you have success, you have to upkeep and maintain it so that you can keep it, or so it can grow.
That can’t happen if you won’t accept responsibility.
5. Refusing to set boundaries.
There is nothing more important to building and maintaining your personal happiness than boundaries. Boundaries inform other people how you are allowing yourself to be treated. If you don’t have good boundaries, miserable people and manipulators can infect your space to take advantage of you.
It’s necessary to have boundaries with other negative people, too. Negativity is infectious, and it is far more powerful than happiness. It will erode your happiness away because it is essentially a negative energy, so it’s always sucking joy and happiness away. It’s so difficult to be happy when you’re surrounded by miserable people.
6. Fearing change.
Change is scary. You have no idea what the next steps of your life may bring. However, you can’t cling to what you have now and avoid change if you want to grow and prosper, particularly if you aren’t in a good situation.
Still, some people choose to stay in toxic relationships or situations because they either think they can’t do better or they’re just used to it. It may not be safe or positive, but it is familiar, and familiar is what people tend to hang onto. They know what to expect, and they take comfort in that, even though they are being treated badly.
For many, that’s a better option than being on their own or taking the risk of starting over. Of course, that’s really just stacking up the trauma of the relationship, which will need to be dealt with sooner or later.
7. Comparing yourself to others.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
By focusing on what you don’t have, you are directing your attention and energy toward the negative. “I want that. I need that. They don’t deserve that!” It doesn’t matter what they do or don’t deserve. They have what they have, and that’s just how it is. Making comparisons is pointless.
Instead, it’s better to focus on gratitude for what you do have. That’s a more positive energy, even if you don’t have a lot or you want more. Envy and jealousy are just poisons that will erode your happiness and well-being, replacing them with bitterness and anger.
People are good at different things. You may not be as good at something as another, and that’s okay, because you’re likely better than them at something, too. Envying their skill or ability won’t get you any closer to happiness or greater competency. Only the work will.
8. Neglecting self-care.
There’s nothing more important than good physical, mental, and emotional health. If you neglect self-care, your health will get worse with time as age and unhealthy habits take their toll. The thing about health is that you may not realize how good you have it until it’s gone.
The good news is that it is relatively easy to maintain if you keep up with your maintenance. It’s hard to lose a lot of weight or completely change an unhealthy lifestyle. But if you start developing and replacing the bad, old habits with good, new habits, you can maintain your well-being for longer.
Final thoughts…
Breaking the cycles of unhealthy habits and behaviors is challenging, but necessary, if you want to grow your own happiness and well-being. Far too many people look at self-improvement and self-care as an immediate or one-time thing. The truth is that you need to curb unhealthy habits and work on improving as life continues on.
Things change. Your body and mind will change. You have to be willing to grow along with it to get the most out of life.
