There are many immeasurably kind people walking around on this planet, but there are also many cruel ones as well. Furthermore, some people who are normally quite decent folks may have moments of indescribable cruelty towards others. Even if it’s terribly out of character for them, and regretted later, the effects of their actions leave lasting damage on those they hurt.
While it’s easy to become bitter, mean, and nasty after being on the receiving end of such behavior, many people face the cruelty of others but still manage to stay kind. These folks often share the traits listed below.
1. The strength to transcend the cruelty.
It takes a rare form of strength to transcend the cruelty and suffering that others have inflicted upon you. Humans have a long legacy of horrifyingly cruel behavior, and those who survive these atrocities are invariably left damaged by their ordeals. Those who have immense strength of will and character, however, are able to leave the cruelties they endured behind them and not just survive, but thrive despite it all.
These types of people often choose not to focus on what they have gone through, but instead acknowledge that yes, they experienced immense hardship and cruelty, but they’re not experiencing those things anymore. They are able to see the beauty in the present moment and move towards a brighter future instead.
2. A solid point of focus that keeps them afloat.
This can also be referred to as being a “human Weebl”. The person in question has some sort of focus and purpose that keeps them going no matter what. As a result, when the cruelty of others knocks them down, they bounce right back up again. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t scratched or dented here and there, but their default position is upright nonetheless.
This type of purpose can differ greatly between individuals. One may find their strength and focus in providing for and protecting their family, no matter what, while another may be determined to achieve a goal, and they’ll keep striving for it until their last breath. Whatever it is that drives them, it’s the ballast that maintains their stability and forward momentum.
3. Immense empathy.
There’s a song by The Smiths called “I know it’s over”, which contains the following lyrics:
“It’s so easy to laugh
It’s so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind.”
A friend of my partner’s was recently treated horribly by a man she dated, and when we asked her why she was still talking to this man, she said that it was because she understood that he behaved that way because he was hurting. She had experienced hurt as well, and because of that, not only could she show empathy towards him — she didn’t want to add to the pain that he already carried.
Most people would have either cut someone who’d mistreated them out of their lives or punished them for their wrongdoing. Or both. A person who seeks out the intention behind someone’s cruel actions and sees past the mistreatment to the suffering soul inside, and then treats them with kindness instead of retribution, is a rare treasure.
4. Compassion born from suffering.
Experiencing cruelty from other people has a powerful side effect: the ability to feel immense compassion for those who are going through it. In fact, many people wouldn’t have the ability to be as compassionate when others are hurting if they hadn’t experienced that same kind of pain firsthand.
These folks often have the ability to slough off hurts and focus on gentleness, and end up showing overwhelming kindness and love towards those who have experienced similar mistreatment. Furthermore, if they have kids — either their own, or if they’re in a teaching position — they do their best to instil compassion in the little ones at an early age. This can have the long-reaching effect of breaking cycles of cruelty so it’s not repeated by the next generation.
5. They see who they don’t want to become.
Speaking of breaking cycles: in the Alex Ebert song “Truth”, he mentions how all his enemies are turning into his teachers. For many people, those who inflicted the greatest cruelty upon them were excellent examples of who not to be.
Every cruel action of theirs was a lesson, and people who have faced this kind of cruelty have taken those lessons as guiding principles of who they never, ever want to become. Now, they make a point of checking in with themselves regularly to ensure that they don’t end up echoing the behavior that damaged them to begin with.
6. They’re focused on their release date.
Or, to phrase it differently, they’ve developed coping skills that allow them to compartmentalize immense pain. Then, instead of focusing on it and letting it hurt them, they keep their gaze firmly fixed upon the time when it’ll alleviate — much like a prisoner counting down the days until they’re released. Because of this, they can deal with many life difficulties exceptionally well.
Many of these people had to spend long periods of time being treated horribly by those closest to them, whether those were family members, partners, employers, or others in positions of authority over them. Now, thanks to what they’ve been through, they can brace against any uncomfortable situation and get through it with grace and kindness, rather than a broken spirit or meanness towards other people.
7. They seek the positive in any situation.
When people are treated poorly for protracted periods, they often focus on positive things in order to keep them going, and then make a point of prioritizing those positivities and kindnesses when they have the opportunity to do so later.
For example, a person who was intentionally starved of food in the past may become someone who ensures that those around them are fed all the time. When going through difficulty, they’ll focus on the fact that they have something tasty and filling to eat, even if it feels like the world is falling down around them.
8. An immense ability to be cruel, which they keep in fierce check.
Unfortunately, many people who have faced the cruelty of others end up embodying the same type of cruelty later in life. Essentially, they’re visiting upon others whatever it was that they endured, which creates a horrible, vicious cycle that may endure for generations.
In contrast, some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet are those who know full well that they’re capable of exhibiting this same meanness, but choose not to. They don’t have an absence of cruelty within themselves, but since they know what the long-lasting effects could be of behaving that way, they’re determined not to. In fact, they’ll go out of their way to be the complete opposite.
It’s the idea that to cut something down or hurt it is easy: try growing or healing something instead. That’s the greater challenge, with a much greater reward.
Final thoughts…
It’s an unfortunate reality that many kind-hearted people are seen as “weak” by those around them, because they aren’t inflicting the same damage on others that was visited upon themselves. They’re seen as just taking punches rather than defending themselves.
In reality, they’re more like acres of land that can deal with storms, floods, droughts, and hail, and still turn around and burst into bloom whenever possible. Those storms pass, the pits and scars left by hailstones and harrows plump back up again with the spring floods, and gentleness springs anew.
