Ageism refers to discrimination that people experience based solely on their age. This can be stereotypical or prejudicial in manner, and can lead to harmful mistreatment of older people. Interestingly, ageism shows up very differently for women than it does for men. This sometimes manifests as double standards towards the two or in assumptions about their roles, abilities, and duties.
Many people might not even realize their subconscious discrimination until it’s pointed out to them, and once they notice how differently they treat older men vs. older women, they can check their behavior accordingly. With that in mind, here are 8 types of gendered ageism to look out for:
1. Women’s physical attractiveness is given a much shorter expiration date.
When it comes to being sexually attractive, there’s generally a cutoff date for women that doesn’t apply to men. This is generally because women are considered sexually appealing for as long as they are still fertile, which drops off significantly after the age of 40, and is essentially over once menopause hits full swing in their late 40s to mid-50s. In contrast, most men can continue to father children until they wither into dust.
This creates a noticeable gap in attractiveness levels between women and men. Women are seen to have a “best before” date, after which point they’re viewed as about as sexually appealing as spoiled milk. Meanwhile, celebrities like Bruce Springsteen, Pierce Brosnan, and Sam Elliot (in their 70s and 80s, respectively) are referred to as “silver foxes”. As you can imagine, this kind of gendered ageism can seriously impact a person’s confidence as they age.
2. In the workforce, women are often viewed as less effective as they age, whereas men are more likely to become prime leadership material.
You may have noticed that many high-ranking leaders — in business, religious, and governmental leadership — are older men. They’re generally well-dressed, well-groomed, and respected as wise elders, from the presidents of various countries to religious leaders like the Pope and the Dalai Lama.
Of the 195 countries on this planet, 30 of them currently have female leaders. They are expected to outperform their male counterparts, and are constantly condemned for both their appearance and perceived competence (or lack thereof).
It’s particularly difficult to get past the stigma of the doddering old crone when perimenopause — the natural transitional phase that nearly every woman will experience — causes symptoms such as brain fog, extreme fatigue, weight gain, and pain. These symptoms cause many middle-aged women to appear less competent, especially if they need medical leave for health reasons that are beyond their (or modern medicine’s) ability to control.
3. Older women are either invisible in media or portrayed negatively.
You may have noticed that there are many male news anchors and television presenters who are middle-aged and beyond, but very few of their female counterparts. Similarly, older women in films and TV series are usually relegated to one of a few roles: interfering mother-in-law, doddering grandmother, or neighborhood busybody. Meanwhile, older men are usually shown dating beautiful women half their age or excelling in advanced career positions.
There are exceptions, of course: older female presenters are valued in domestic-leaning media such as Bake Off or various cooking shows. We also had Dame Judy Dench as “M” in the James Bond franchise for a while, though she’s the exception rather than the rule.
For every Miss Marple, there are several dozen Sheriff Longmires. In fact, according to a 2019 study on older women’s roles in media, women over 50 are generally depicted in one of three ways: grumpy, feeble, or senile. This invisibility can have a serious impact on women’s self-esteem and self-worth as they age.
4. In the home, aging women are often viewed as becoming less useful, rather than a master or expert due to experience.
In the average heterosexual family household, the man will be seen as the competent expert in any given field, while the woman will be all but ignored. This can be seen across the board, whether it’s how to use electronic devices, how to fix any given item in the house, or how to operate appliances. Older men are often more likely to be seen as experienced, whereas older women are seen as feeble-minded and incompetent.
A perfect example of this can be seen if a couple goes to buy a new vehicle. Even if the wife is going to be the primary driver, the car salespeople will likely direct all of their attention towards the husband. If and when they mention the wife, it may well be condescendingly, letting her know that there’s a back-facing camera installed to help her back into parking spaces, seat warmers for her backside, and so on.
5. There is greater pressure on women to maintain the appearance of youth (while simultaneously condemning them for it).
When it comes to physical appearance, women are condemned just as much for trying to remain youthful-looking as they are for “letting themselves go”. This is particularly true in the workplace, where women’s attractiveness is linked to their competence at their job. Those who age gracefully are berated for having grey hair or wrinkles, while those who get cosmetic surgery or Botox are mocked for desperately clinging to their swiftly fading youth.
Men don’t receive anything like this type of condemnation. Since their worth isn’t tied to their sexual appeal, they’re free to age like normal human beings without unrealistic expectations. They can go grey, get “dad bods”, and get wrinkles and age spots, and nobody bats an eyelash.
6. They are less likely to have their ever-increasing health issues taken seriously.
Medical misogyny is real. When women seek medical care for issues they’re experiencing, they’re often dismissed as psychological or emotional. And it often gets even more problematic as we age and the number of health problems we experience increases. Some women are accused of attention-seeking behavior because they’re lonely or have nothing to do once they’ve retired and have no kids to take care of, while others are assumed to be making a big deal out of nothing due to hormonal anxiety or depression.
In fact, older women are often seen as hypochondriacs for seeking medical help as often as they do, even though they’re dealing with a maelstrom of symptoms that impact their day-to-day lives. Meanwhile, if an older man seeks medical care, he’s more likely to be taken seriously.
7. There is a continued imbalance in caregiving expectations.
It’s often the case that female partners in hetero relationships are expected to be caregivers for aging parents — including their male partners’ parents. Even in situations where the woman has had a solid career for decades, she might still be expected to reduce her hours or quit her job entirely to care for their elders.
That’s because women are still viewed as the default caregivers in most societies, and this continues as they age. If, instead, they prioritize things like education or personal interests that they wanted to pursue when they were younger, they’re viewed as self-indulgent, selfish, and irresponsible, instead of doing their duty in service to others.
8. Differing levels of respect for gender-related artistic achievement.
A man who has spent more than 50 years honing his pottery-making or wood-carving techniques will often be seen as a master craftsman. People generally admire this type of work greatly, and won’t just value the crafts he has created, but may also approach him as a potential teacher. In contrast, a woman who has spent more than 50 years knitting lace or doing embroidery will often be dismissed for her cute little grandma crafts, even if she has gained worldwide recognition for her artistry.
Even if these two people do the exact same work — i.e., pottery or weaving — the man’s artistry and skill will likely still be respected and revered far more than the woman’s. This is because of the outdated idea that men pursue crafts with passion and diligence, whereas women do crafts as part of their expected domestic labor. As they age, the men’s skill is perceived as an elevated art form, whereas the woman’s is dismissed as something she’s simply done a thousand times, like frying an egg or scrubbing a toilet.
Final thoughts…
If you find yourself on the receiving end of this kind of ageism, don’t be afraid to call it out for what it is. Many people behave this way because these views have been ingrained in them all their lives, and they’ve simply never questioned them.
Similarly, if you find yourself behaving in a biased fashion towards someone due to their age and gender, you can also check your own behavior. We’re all growing and evolving together, and hopefully we can all shift our perspectives to be kinder and more respectful overall.
