You’ve likely noticed that a lot of people become more humble and kind as they get older. A great deal of this behavior stems from life experience, namely, recognizing how important it is to treat others gently. But a lot of it also has to do with how the aging process humbles us.
Life doesn’t unfold the way we expect it to, behaviors we mocked become sacrosanct, and things that were once seen as great attributes of utmost importance become sources of great humor and humility instead. Here are 8 ways aging humbles us, and why that’s a good thing.
1. Limited time helps you prioritize what really matters.
The amount of time we have on this beautiful planet is limited, and we never know how much of it we have left. When we were in our teens and 20s, we were quite certain that we had a good 60+ years ahead to play with. Once we hit our 40s and 50s, however, that number dwindles significantly. Moreso if we’re suddenly dealing with an unexpected, potentially life-limiting illness.
The good thing about acknowledging that life’s sands are trickling out quickly is that you realize just how much time you wasted on unimportant, even insignificant things. You place emphasis on spending the days you have left on the things that truly matter to you, and you stop wasting precious time.
2. Body changes make you develop a sense of humor about your very human foibles.
On Instagram the other day, a woman around my age (late 40s) commented that few things humble you quite so much as picking up a pair of underwear that looks comically large, only to find out that they’re snug on you when you try them on.
Many of us, particularly women, spend decades agonizing about our appearance and are mortified if we pass gas or choke on a drink in public. Even with our best intentions and dedication, however, gravity always wins. It’s at times like these, when that ridiculous pair of undies seems tight, or we pee sneeze, and have to run for the nearest washroom, that the best response is to have a good chuckle.
3. Random aches, pains, and limited body functions make you prioritize your health.
I don’t know about you, but I put my body through hell in my youth. Punishing exercise routines, excess drinking, poor dietary habits (when I ate at all), and countless sleepless nights were just a few of the torments I put myself through because there were never any negative repercussions to my actions. None, that is, until I hit my 40s and started crack-a-lacking every time I bent down to pick up a stray sock.
It’s humbling to realize that there are very real consequences to not caring for ourselves properly, but it’s also an incentive to start doing so. We may only have these bodies for a little while, but it’s important to nurture and care for them as though they were beloved friends.
We may dislike the reality that we feel much better when we’re eating healthy food than we do when hoovering our favorite greasy, spicy snacks, but our bodies really do work much better when we fuel and hydrate them properly, stretch them regularly, and moisturize religiously.
4. Realizing that getting older doesn’t mean anyone has their life together.
When we were younger, we were led to believe that mature people knew exactly how to be proper adults. As we age, however, we discover that this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, many older people feel just as lost and uncertain as younger people do, and there’s no defined age at which secure, knowledgeable adulthood wraps around us like a perfectly fitting skin.
Suddenly, we’re in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond, realizing that we don’t have our stuff together at all, and nor does anyone else we know. Most of us are still waiting for a great awakening of whole adulthood, and are trying to figure out what we want to be when we “grow up.” Meanwhile, we’re getting adverts for retirement homes on social media. Is it time to retire soon? Already?
5. Realizing that our elders’ behaviors made a lot of sense.
When I was growing up, I never understood why my parents stocked the freezer with frozen vegetables rather than chopping up fresh ones, why my grandmother cooked dinner at 2 p.m., why my aunties chose comfortable shoes instead of cute ones, and why all our older friends and family members had blankets in every room in their houses.
Now that I’m nearing my mid-century mark, I completely understand. In fact, looking back upon the various behaviors and habits that I witnessed in my youth — which I dismissed as “old people quirks” — they all make complete sense to me now.
I know why my Nan always had a tissue up her sleeve or in her purse and why she sometimes chose to eat cake for breakfast. Recognizing that everything they did was for good reason, and that many of their habits were worth emulating, is both deeply humbling and a valuable lesson to learn.
6. Not living the life you dreamed of allows you to live more simply.
Many of us had aspirations of grandeur when we were younger. Some dreamt of having “it all”, i.e., a successful career, a family, and luxury holidays a few times a year. Others chased fame, fortune, prestige, or power. But very few individuals attain everything they dreamed of in their youth, and midlife and beyond often bring the stark awareness that they never will.
This is humbling, but also offers the opportunity to be deeply appreciative of what we do have, while deciding how to reinvent ourselves for the lives that are unfolding before us now. In my case, my partner and I moved to a little cabin in the woods, near a village where the cost of living is low, and our neighbors’ horses or goats make random appearances in our yard.
7. Loss makes us appreciate what we still have.
As we get older, different types of loss are inevitable. We lose loved ones to illness or advancing age, and experience loss of hearing, eyesight, and physical capability. Some of us lose the ability to eat and drink some of our favourite comestibles, while others lose mobility and end up becoming dependent upon others to move around.
These types of loss can make us immensely appreciative of what we still have. We cherish the time we have left with those we care about and are grateful for all the abilities we still have, rather than taking them for granted. I know this all too well. After my last stroke, it took over six months to regain full use of my left hand. And not a day goes by that I’m not deeply grateful that I can knit, sew, and type easily again.
8. The understanding that a person’s heart will always be more beautiful than their external features.
When we think about the people we love most, we know that we love them for who they are, not what they look like. That said, in our younger years, particularly, we rarely turn that same analysis back on ourselves.
In fact, in addition to being quite vain about our own physical features, many of us have made snap judgments about others after a single glance. And we may have missed out on having some truly wonderful people in our lives as a result.
As we get older, however, and we’re dealing with wrinkles, softened waistlines, hair (or hair color) loss, it often becomes more and more apparent that who we are has nothing to do with how many people find us attractive.
Furthermore, just as we love others for their minds and souls, so too do they love us for those things. We’re only in these bodies for a little while, and there’s no time like the present to start placing more emphasis on our minds and souls than our perceived, temporary beauty.
Final thoughts…
In the same way that we often don’t realize how precious something is to us until we lose it, so do we often realize how unimportant something is when we realize how little value it truly has. A thirsty person values cold, sweet water more than gold, and a person who can’t leave the house without being recognized and harassed discovers that anonymity is far more precious than popularity. Aging changes our perspectives and humbles us in the most beautiful ways, cracking our hearts open to allow the light both in and out.
