A person who’s spent their whole life in survival mode may find it uncomfortable when they start finding themselves ahead. Surviving life is like treading water, trying to keep your head above the surface long enough for you to either be rescued or make your way to shore.
But when you get out of that mental space, and you love life? Well, that’s a much different feeling because everything doesn’t feel so pressing, so intense. Instead of treading water, it’s more like floating in an inflatable ring with a cocktail with a little umbrella on it in hand, basking in the warmth of the sun.
How can you tell when you’ve made that transition? Well, there are some small things you can look for. Things like these:
1. Your life feels peaceful or invigorating.
How do you feel? Survival mode brings with it a lot of stress, cortisol, and fear. You’re always wondering what’s going to happen next. Am I going to be okay? What if this goes wrong? What if that goes wrong? I need to do more. I need to make sure I’m safe and secure! I need to find a way not to be afraid!
Well, when you’re loving your life, that kind of thinking tends to recede, assuming you’re not an overthinker or have anxiety. Many people focus on peace, and that’s because peace is the opposite of stress, but not everyone is wired that way.
Some people live proactive lives and seek out excitement, adventure, or a cause. Engaging in those kinds of activities feels more invigorating than it does negatively stressful. Yes, it’s still a form of stress, but it’s the kind that fuels you instead of drains you.
2. You’ve stopped comparing yourself to everyone else.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt.
I cannot stress to you enough how true this quote is. As someone who’s lived with depression for a long time, I would often make my own depression much worse because I spent too much of my time jealous of other people. I was jealous of people who were happy or who had the mental and emotional energy to pretend to be happy.
I was jealous of people who had a career and a life that I didn’t have because my Bipolar Disorder and depression ruined so much of my life. But what I didn’t understand is that comparison and jealousy are an endless treadmill that only fuels depression and anxiety. Survival mode makes us crave more because we want safety and stability.
But when you start to heal and find that you’re actually enjoying life, you stop making those comparisons. Because why would you? Survival mode is no longer forcing you to think “how can I acquire more so I can be safe?”
3. You start embracing small pieces of happiness.
Survival mode puts you into a mental space of lacking. That is, you need things to fuel your well-being, happiness, safety, and security. The stress of lack and need is a heavy weight to carry, so much so that it fuels depression and anxiety. People who are in such an extreme state often can’t find happiness in smaller things because they are so stressed out.
But when you’re not that stressed out, small things start bringing you joy. Simple things like pretty flowers, a sunrise, a favorite playlist, or maybe a game you like to play. These simple things can provide happiness and joy because they aren’t being overshadowed by the power and the strength of depression.
4. You find yourself lingering more than rushing.
Survival mode instills a sense of urgency because your brain is trying to prompt you to do things so that you’ll be safe. Your subconscious is driving you to do more, get more, and find more options because it’s trying to preserve you by guaranteeing your safety.
You can tell when that shift occurs when you start feeling less pressure to move in life. It doesn’t feel like a waste of time to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee while reading a book, or just to sit in your car and jam out to your favorite song that just came on.
You’re not in a rush because you know you’re safe and secure. That can feel unsettling because you may then find yourself worrying that you’re not doing enough, but it’s okay. There are few things more important than slowing down and enjoying the small moments.
5. You can appreciate and celebrate your small wins.
Small wins matter because life is mostly made up of small moments. It’s the little things in life that add up to the biggest results, and that’s why we have to be able to appreciate them. However, it’s hard to appreciate a small win when you’re stuck in survival mode because it never feels like enough. Instead of enjoying it, you’re automatically looking for the next thing to do.
But when that pressure and stress are gone? Then it’s much easier to look at a small win, smile, and know that life is good because you got to experience it. As someone who spent a lot of his life in survival mode, I know that’s going to sound like an entirely foreign concept to you if you are stuck in survival mode, but it’s true. Though you may need to retrain your brain to appreciate those small wins.
6. You can say “no” without feeling guilty over it.
You may start feeling more comfortable with the word “no”, because you no longer feel compelled to people-please. Instead of saying “yes” purely out of obligation because you’re afraid of loss, you’re okay with saying “no” because your peace is most important to you. Survival mode can make you feel compelled to agree to things that aren’t right for you because your brain is spurring you to work to survive.
Once you start saying “no” and get comfortable with it, you start realizing that only people who were taking advantage of you are mad about it. It’s the difference between lack and abundance. If you know there’s an abundance of love and opportunity for you out there, then you don’t feel so compelled to set yourself ablaze to keep others warm or to keep the peace.
7. You wake up excited about life, instead of filled with dread.
There’s nothing worse than waking up in the morning, angry and sad that you woke up again. I know because I lived that life for literally decades. However, when you start healing and you start loving life, you start to feel appreciation and excitement instead. Your eyes open, and you think about possibilities and options rather than the dread of what you need to do to keep treading water. It’s such a liberating feeling, like you’ve been drowning in tar the whole time and suddenly you’re out of it.
It was a bit difficult for me to adjust to at first because it was such a foreign feeling. Peace feels intimidating when all you’ve known is struggle and the chaos of just trying to survive. It’s okay, though. You’ll get used to it.
Final thoughts…
As you move forward in life and start to get your feet under you, you’ll find that things should become more peaceful around you. Safety and security allow you to feel peace rather than fear-driven survival, which may cause you to constantly be on edge.
If you’ve been stuck in survival mode for a long time, it may take some time for you to let your guard down, find some happiness, and love your life the way you’re meant to. However, it is possible. You just have to keep going.
