History is full of people who have ended up seriously harmed by other people’s jealousy. From the story of Cain and Abel to Hypatia’s tragic end to unfounded accusations during the witch trials, jealousy has been a driving force behind countless acts of sabotage, betrayal, and far worse.
A jealous person may be willing to do truly heinous things to get back at you for daring to have things that they covet. As such, if someone’s jealousy is harming you, here are several things you can do to protect yourself from further damage:
1. Limit their access to information about you.
People really only get jealous of others when they witness things about their lives that they end up coveting. As such, limiting their awareness of your life and the goings-on within it is one of the best ways you can protect yourself from their jealousy.
For example, I had an acquaintance years ago who tried to sabotage just about everything good that was going on in my life out of jealousy. If I got a new job, he’d show up there and cause strife. If I was dating a new girl, he’d show up at an event we attended and flirt with her. Blocking him from all my social media accounts and asking my friends not to tell him what I was up to cut down his interference to almost zero, unless we happened to run into each other randomly.
2. If you haven’t tried already, try talking it out (especially in front of witnesses).
If you can, try to reach a better understanding with this person to ascertain why they feel the way that they do. You’re probably skeptical of this approach, but it can work on some jealous people.
For example, you may be able to help them see the advantages they have that you lack, or even point them in a direction where they can get the thing (whatever it may be) that they feel will balance the books as far as life goals and happiness are concerned.
Just be aware that most of the time, even if you do put in the effort to try to shift someone’s perspective towards you to a more favorable one, they’ll end up reverting back to their previous hostility.
If you do decide to talk things out with the jealous person in question, where possible, try to bring along a third party to bear witness to the exchange. Even if your attempt at rational conciliation falls flat, there will be someone who sees you trying to do the decent thing and can speak on your behalf if you’re slandered or otherwise mistreated in the future.
3. Gain physical and emotional space.
More often than not, a person’s jealousy towards you is an expression of a deeper wound or flaw within them. In fact, their envy is usually not about you specifically, but is rather their emotionally volatile, often unclear perspective of their idea of who you are.
For instance, they may be jealous of your position or a talent you exhibit, or even envious that you have the partner that they’ve always dreamed of, because they’re desperately lonely. There’s usually an assumption that you didn’t have to work or strive towards it, or that your life is somehow blessed. That you haven’t endured any hardship, and life is perfect for you all the time.
All of the above creates a fictional platform for them to behave atrociously towards you, with no real justification for doing so. Even if you can recognize why they’re treating you so badly and you don’t reciprocate with mutual animosity, it’s still draining to navigate someone else’s unwarranted ill feelings and machinations towards you.
The best thing you can do is remove yourself from this person’s sphere as much as you possibly can. They’ll invariably latch onto a new target for their negativity in record time.
4. Don’t respond.
Not responding to their accusations and barbs prevents this unhealthy relationship from deepening further. If you don’t play into their ill will and nastiness, you basically leave them holding onto their own spite with nowhere to direct it.
In contrast, if you respond with hostility, you deepen any existing connection with this person and give them something tangible to attack you with, in addition to their own perceptions and biases towards you.
Essentially, if you show bad behavior towards them in response to their poor actions, that cements their idea that they’re justified in feeling (and acting) negatively towards you. Now, not only do you possess whatever it is they desire, but you’ve also been very rude to them, thereby proving what a horrible person you are!
Sadly, they usually can’t or won’t put two and two together to realize that you were simply dishing back what they served to you, and that their own decency would have earned yours in turn. This is why it’s simply better to remain silent, go gray rock, and let them stew in their own juices.
5. Bring their jealousy into the light.
There’s a reason why public shaming has always been a good deterrent for poor behavior: it works. Most people want to be thought of well by those in their social spheres, and try to keep up appearances at all times. That’s why most of the people who are jealous of others will only openly display their envy in private: they know deep down that their behavior is inappropriate, and they won’t want anyone else to witness it.
As a result, calmly and respectfully bringing their behavior to light, in front of a group of witnesses, can be immensely helpful for protecting you from being harmed by them further. If their awful behavior is witnessed by a group, they’ll need to back off lest they end up harming their own reputation — and life in general — permanently. Furthermore, if this person does escalate poor behavior, your entire social group can be called upon to put them in their place.
6. Remove their ability to influence your affairs.
If you cannot get completely away from this individual, the next best thing is to insulate your affairs from them. This might be as simple as keeping quiet about your personal life, as we mentioned earlier. However, if they already have access to your personal information or your banking info, or even a key to your house, change these things immediately.
It can be difficult to acknowledge that a close friend or family member’s jealousy is so severe that they’re actually harming you intentionally, but facing reality is imperative here. You may want to see the best in this person and hope that your love and kindness will win out, but how much damage will they do to you while you’re waiting for this miracle to unfold?
Change the locks, install a doorbell ring cam, and don’t let their guilt trips or passive aggression convince you to let them close again.
7. Record evidence of their wrongdoing.
This one might make you feel gross while doing so, but if things escalate and you need to get legal authorities involved, then having evidence of their poor behavior towards you can be immensely beneficial to support your stance.
Keep detailed notes about your interactions, and take screenshots of manipulative or abusive messages before they have a chance to unsend them. Additionally, find out the laws about recording people without consent in your area: there are usually loopholes that can be used to your advantage. For example, you may be okay with recording a fun night out at the pub that “just happened to capture” this person being abusive or threatening towards you, but do be sure you’ve checked the legalities of any recordings first.
8. Keep the receipts.
Jealous people can harm you in a number of ways — some of which are more insidious than others. This is why it’s so important for you to ensure that you have legal protections in place for areas in which you may be vulnerable.
For example, if you’re a homeowner, ensure that you have proof of ownership in case the person in question tries to claim squatter’s rights after imposing upon your benevolent nature. The same goes for things like purchase receipts and photos for jewelry, electronics, and anything else you value. That way, if this person steals anything, you have solid proof that it’s yours if they claim otherwise.
Final thoughts…
Keep in mind that jealous people can go from victim to aggressor (and back again) very quickly. One day, they’re crying about how it’s not fair that you have the life they always wanted while they’re suffering, the next they’re trying to seduce your spouse, followed by crying to everyone who’ll listen when you call them out.
Keep receipts, have witnesses whenever possible, and create distance if needed. Most of all, never underestimate what they may stoop to if they want something of yours, or are seeking to punish you for having the life they wanted.
