It’s a little bit of a drag to be in the company of someone who thinks they know it all, isn’t it? You try so hard to order your eyes not to roll, and to smile graciously while they lay out their fountain of knowledge like it’s a red carpet they’re about to saunter down. But inside, a part of you screams, “Okay, we get it!”
In contrast, there are certain habits of people who are aware they don’t know it all, and with those habits comes a refreshing level of open-mindedness about them. I think right now is the perfect time to put into the world a little humility about our limitations, and here is how people who have mastered the art do it.
1. They happily and comfortably ask questions before offering any opinions.
“Before I give you my opinion or thoughts, I’ll happily sit and take it all in by finding out as much about this as I can.” I think this mentality perfectly captures the concept of an open mind.
Sometimes I sit and watch current affairs shows and think, “Imagine if we all just took a step back and listened to each other fully.” Where hatred or uncertainty lies, fear or curiosity might instead be rooted. Wouldn’t life be more interesting and pleasant if we all asked questions to get to know people before we gave our biased opinion?
It can be applied to anything, really, and even if you still disagree or have a contrasting thought afterwards, at least you’ve heard them out first and based your opinion on an actual conversation, not an imagined one.
We. Need. More. Of. This.
2. If presented with fresh evidence, they can change their minds.
Belief revision is the process by which we change our minds when presented with new information, and open-minded people are better at it than most. They are happy to adjust, rather than stay rigid.
Your thoughts derive from what you know or have learned, but when a new piece of information enters the picture, you can choose to let it in. Instead of doubling down, you can think, “Well, that changes everything!”
For example, take a scenario when you initially think, “This guy in front of me has been driving recklessly, and almost smashed into me! He is drunk and dangerous!”
You think you know, and you’re justifying your anger on that ‘fact,’ but what if you find out that the guy driving like that is trying to get to the hospital in time for the birth of his first child? Sure, you can still think he’s driving like a fool, but the anger may be less so when you know his story. (I try to keep in mind this scenario when I am on the road, faced with a buffoon.)
It can be applied to anything, though. It can be hard to change our minds, particularly about strongly held beliefs, but we have to be at least willing to try if we want to keep an open mind in life.
3. They seek out and encourage debate with those with opposing viewpoints.
I love debates, and they tend to happen at the most random of times. A proper debate means two people with opposing views can get their point across. Facts (hopefully) are relayed, and opinions – believe it or not – can change.
At times, it isn’t even about changing opinions, but rather just learning something new. But you need to be in a place where you even want to talk to somebody you might not agree with, and for closed-minded people, that’s a struggle.
In contrast, whether it’s at work, school, or a Holiday family reunion, those who know they don’t know everything are naturals at mingling with people whose views oppose their own.
After all, life is one big learning curve, right? You never know what nugget of knowledge you pick up on any given day.
Again… why wouldn’t you want to see more of this in the world?
4. If they don’t know something, they’ll happily admit it.
Raise your hand if you happily admit when you don’t know something.
If you raised yours, then you’re already more open-minded than most.
Yet when we think about all the information the world has to offer, who can genuinely say, “Yes, I know all of that, ask me anything”? Certainly not me. I’d be caught out approximately 13 seconds later if somebody asked me what my thoughts are on the Paris Uprising. “Erm, yes, I’ve seen Les Misérables three times” would be about the extent of my knowledge.
Be human. Admit when you’re clueless, and more importantly, listen to those who do know about what you don’t. That’s exactly how we learn in this life, is it not?
5. Their aim is to understand, not win.
Winning is so overrated, and honestly, wanting to come out on top all the time tells people more about you than you’ll ever imagine.
“I have to know everything.” “I won’t stop until my fountain of knowledge overspills.”
I hate to say it, but your fountain of knowledge will only ever be a fraction full. I think even just knowing this is a sign of open-mindedness, and let’s face it, those who think they know everything are only ever in competition with others who think the same about themselves.
My knowledge of 90s pop culture might run circles around yours, but you might know all there is to know about soft jazz (tumbleweed…). Someone who always needs to win or prove they are the most knowledgeable has the kind of mind that’s closed off to reality, because you simply cannot be the best at everything.
Instead, an open-minded person focuses on what they can learn from the person in front of them, rather than what they can prove. They walk away actually knowing more than they did before, and isn’t that a far better prize than simply feeling superior?
6. Constructive feedback is welcomed, not pushed away.
Ooh, now this is a good one. Being a writer means, yes, at some points you get feedback that may make you want to retreat into your shell and yell, “I’m not doing this anymore!” You can think the way you’re doing something is the best and only way, but alas, it isn’t. Where improvements can be made, and somebody is qualified or experienced to make that suggestion to you, listen.
Why would I push away all advice or people who are encouraging me to create a better piece of work? Welcoming it means I am sharpening my skillset and learning how to carve out work that is more polished.
When those phone companies come knocking every 24 months and offer you an upgrade, how many of you say, “No thanks, I’m good with my slow phone that I have to tap three times in order for the screen to come on,” and then hang up on them? That’s how I view constructive criticism. If somebody offers me a chance to upgrade my writing, I’ll take it.
7. “I was wrong” can comfortably roll off their tongue.
This is a phrase that no closed-minded person will ever come out and say. Admitting you’re wrong often goes hand in hand with accepting somebody else was right, and that’s a blow to our self-image and ego. Being comfortable enough for a phrase like that to roll off the tongue means you need to be okay with not coming across as perfect (or at least superior), and that’s something closed-minded people struggle with.
Your brain will feel under threat when you admit to being wrong because its job is to protect you, but with practice, you can override it. The open-mindedness of allowing yourself to be corrected and smiling through it means, yeah, sometimes you are right, and sometimes you’re wrong. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It’s just how life works.
8. They avoid black-and-white thinking
Black and white thinking is also known as all-or-nothing thinking, and we’re all prone to it to some extent. It’s actually a mental shortcut our brain takes in order to make quick decisions and keep us safe.
But that doesn’t mean it’s always accurate or helpful.
For example, you might think either you’re a total success or everything you do leads to failure. Taken to extremes, it’s a completely polarized way of thought, and it never lets a person just think something is okay.
If you want your mind to be open, you need to accept that yes, you can have varied, changing opinions, rather than such strong, opposing ones. It’s the same with knowledge. Believing you know nothing, or you know everything, is incorrect for every single person alive right now.
To avoid either extreme means you’re okay being someone who just knows what they know, and is happy to learn what they don’t over time. We could live for a thousand years (or more, for me!) and still not know everything there is to know.
Final thoughts…
Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve never seen Les Mis, and my knowledge of the Paris Uprising really is quite poor.
I’m comfortable with that admission, though. I don’t claim to, nor will I ever have a vast array of knowledge in this lifetime. But I do love learning, and I believe every ounce of knowledge we acquire helps us grow in some way.
The minds of those who think they know it all aren’t bigger or more clever than those who know they don’t. They’re just more delusional and governed by ego.
I’m happy being the latter – are you?
