How many times have you gritted your teeth and borne a situation that made you feel like screaming?
Or perhaps you’ve been putting up with some nonsense for a really long time because you feel obligated to do so?
While there are some things we do need to tolerate because we have no other choice, there are a lot of others that can either be curbed or walked away from. Yet we often struggle to distinguish the two.
The following are some of the most common things that people tend to tolerate when they don’t actually have to.
If you are tolerating any of these 8 things, know that you have the power to put a stop to it:
1. Folks taking you for granted.
Many people have individuals in their lives who take them for granted rather than sincerely appreciating them.
They may try to talk to said individuals about the imbalance in their relationship, and they might get a bit better for a little while, but then the dynamic invariably shifts back to what it was before.
If this sounds familiar, it may be time to accept that fighting with them and attempting to get them to change will likely be a waste of energy on your part.
Instead, it’s time to stop doing whatever it is that has been benefiting them and draining you.
They’ll likely try to coerce you into continuing, because they liked the dynamic you had before. At that point you can try to explain to them why you’ve rescinded your care, but don’t make the mistake of helping them out again.
It’s likely that they’ll try to convince you into doing so, possibly by making sweet promises about appreciating you properly in the future. If you want, give them one last opportunity to treat you better without going back to pandering to them, and see how they behave.
But do make sure it’s a last chance, or you’ll likely be tolerating this mistreatment for the rest of your life.
2. Unwarranted criticism from family members.
Many family members are renowned for making cutting remarks to each other under the guise of “just trying to help.”
This behavior is often a situation of them projecting their insecurities or unfulfilled dreams onto their children, partners, or even their siblings, and is both disrespectful and manipulative.
For a long time, I put up with a lot of unnecessary and unfair criticism from family members for not following the career path they wanted me to embrace.
I did this out of a sense of love and loyalty, and my guess is that others tolerate similar situations as well, where every family gathering is an opportunity to tell them what a disappointment they are, and what they should be doing instead.
You don’t actually have to put up with this kind of thing.
You can simply tell your relatives that X topic isn’t up for discussion anymore, and bringing it up will result in you reducing or eliminating contact until they’ve learned to treat you with the respect you deserve.
3. Abuse, especially from a partner.
Abuse can take a number of different forms, but is very common between intimate partners. And sometimes, people try to diminish the abuse they’re subjected to by explaining away their partners’ behavior.
Oh, they’re stressed out with work, they have a lot of things on their plate, that’s how they were raised, and so on. Or they feel obligated to tolerate it because they don’t want to break up the family, disappoint their children, etc.
It can be tremendously easy for others to tell them to “just leave,” but life is far more complicated than that. This is particularly true if you’re financially dependent on your abuser or are in fear of what they would do if you left.
If you have good friends or family, then let them know the severity of the situation. Bring this situation firmly into the light so they can help you, and take full advantage of resources that are available to help people in your position.
You are never obligated to tolerate mistreatment towards you. Leaving (or making them leave) won’t be easy, but it’s the only way to free yourself from their mistreatment.
4. Neglect.
Much like abuse, neglect can take a number of different forms.
For example, it may take the form of a spouse who has essentially become like a dependent child instead of an equal partner, and who only gets their own needs met while ignoring yours.
Or managerial neglect in the workplace, in which you ask your superior for more support or guidance, and they refuse it, only to reprimand you for making mistakes later.
The problem is that many individuals weaponize incompetence or justify their neglect by blaming those behaviors on their own personal struggles.
And there may be some truth to that. We are all different, and what is easy for one person can be a struggle or near impossible for another.
But while those may be valid contributing factors, that doesn’t mean you need to tolerate neglect or behavior when it causes you harm.
Yes, we should support those we love with the things they find hard, but it’s important to know when something is being used as an excuse rather than an explanation.
You can walk away from people and situations who neglect you instead of tolerating them indefinitely, especially if the other person isn’t even willing to try.
There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself and your needs.
5. Rudeness and disrespect.
We can all get short and snappish with those around us from time to time.
It’s more than understandable that, once in a while, when things get too much, or we get too overwhelmed, some of the internal tension will come out.
That said, when it does happen, it’s important to explain and apologize for it later.
It’s a different situation entirely when a person’s rudeness becomes the baseline standard of behavior on their part. You know the type: someone who’s rude to their family members, service providers, random strangers, and just about anyone else they encounter.
You don’t need to tolerate rudeness from others. While you can’t control anyone else’s behavior, you can remove yourself from their sphere of influence.
A person who’s rude to you doesn’t respect you, and you don’t need to waste precious moments of your life on them.
Others may try to convince you to keep tolerating this person’s disrespect because “Oh, that’s just how they are — just ignore them”.
No. They can either learn to treat you properly, or they can learn how you are.
6. Employees’ poor work standards.
It’s good to give even the seemingly worst workers a chance at first. Everyone was a novice at one point, and a person who has a great attitude but terrible skills may improve exponentially over time.
That said, whereas work skills can be taught, a bad work ethic is fundamental.
If it’s clear that your employee shows blatant disrespect towards both you and the job, the answer is simple. They need to go.
Make sure you have plenty of evidence of them constantly slacking off, being rude, and disrespectful. Then consult with HR if needed, and get rid of them. Usually your other workers who work hard and respect their jobs will be grateful too.
They’re probably tired of dealing with both the bad vibe and also having to pick up extra slack from their former colleagues’ low input.
7. “Jokes” at your expense.
Many people feel obligated to tolerate “jokes” made at their expense to avoid being accused of not having a sense of humor.
As such, they’re expected to laugh at cruel jabs that make them uncomfortable or even humiliated. For example, perhaps a “friend” keeps making fun of something you said or did when you were 15, but that was 30 years ago, and you find it hurtful, not funny.
If they keep on doing this despite the fact that you’ve made it clear that it isn’t funny anymore — often, over the course of several years — then it’s time to put a stop to it.
Some people might like to turn things around to see how the supposed friend likes being the butt of a similar joke for a while. 99% of the time, they don’t find it very funny either. At that point, you can either call a truce or part ways.
Alternatively, you might choose just to cut your losses and find friends who treat you better. If a so-called friend was prepared to treat you like this in the first place, it’s likely that they’re not worth wasting any more time on.
8. Neighbors’ poor behavior towards you.
Good neighbors are worth their weight in gold, but bad neighbors can be the bane of your existence.
Bad neighbors might steal packages off your porch, blare terrible music at 3 a.m. on a weeknight, or cut down your trees if they don’t like them.
Many people tolerate this kind of poor behavior because they dislike confrontation, fear retaliation, and don’t want to intensify tensions with people who live near them, but this behavior is intolerable.
Things usually only stop when there’s an actionable consequence, like facing charges for destruction of property or noise harassment.
It’s the “FO” part of the “FAFO” segment that often brings about real change. Assuming they have a reasonable level of emotional maturity, once they realize that you won’t back down and they’ll face consequences for their actions, they’ll usually fall in line.
Just be wary in case they are the sort to retaliate in any way, and take action when and if it’s needed.
Final thoughts…
The things mentioned here are linked by a pattern of flagrant disrespect.
Unfortunately, many people feel comfortable mistreating others because they’ve never faced consequences for their actions.
They’re confident that others will continue tolerating their behavior because that’s what they’ve always done.
In cases like these, it’s better to put a stop to it yourself or remove them from your life to make it clear to them that their actions aren’t okay.
Whether they learn and grow from the experience or write you off as a loss, the end result will be the same: you won’t have to tolerate any of their nonsense again.
