People who go on self-improvement journeys generally do so because they want to improve their lives.
They usually go into these endeavors knowing that changes are going to ensue, but they may not be aware of just how much change might happen.
They might expect some physical and emotional changes, sure, but what they weren’t expecting was to have their entire lives restructured.
As such, if you’re on a journey like this, you may find that it’s shrinking your life rather unexpectedly.
But rather than freaking out, consider that this might actually be a really good thing, and here’s why.
8 ways self-improvement shrinks your life in a good way:
1. You’re eliminating the dross.
Hopefully, part of your self-improvement journey involves being honest with yourself about the things that you either don’t want to do or that aren’t viable options anymore.
This can involve anything from paring down the full to-do list that’s been languishing on the fridge to getting rid of dusty boxes of craft supplies that you haven’t opened in years (and never will again).
A lot of people fail to realize how much the burden of unfinished tasks or unpursued goals can weigh them down. But once these things have been trimmed and purged, you’ll likely feel an incredible lightening of the spirit.
Furthermore, reducing clutter in your home (and your life in general) gives you more room to stretch out, explore new options, or replace those items with things that suit the real, current you better.
2. You shrink your social life down to those who actually care about you.
Both my partner and I have been focusing on self-work and personal growth over the years. And a side effect that we’ve both experienced is how much our social circles shrank as we did so.
Seemingly overnight, people simply disappeared from our lives — both in person and from our social media accounts.
Whilst it was upsetting initially, it allowed us to gain real insights about the people who sincerely wanted to be in our lives, and those who simply benefited from the energy we poured into them.
It also made us realize which individuals had been draining our light, or using us as glorified emotional support animals on demand.
3. You stop doing things that benefited others but harmed you.
When you look back at the things you’ve done over the years that have worn you thin, how many of them have benefited you as much as they’ve benefited those around you?
For example, have you worked at jobs that sucked out your will to live, but your employers benefited greatly from your labor without compensating you accordingly? Or maybe you had a romantic relationship in which your partner was delighted, but you were miserable?
The self-improvement journey you’re on may be encouraging you to weigh and measure everything in your life to determine whether it’s a benefit or a bane to you.
Hopefully you’re realizing that whatever is hurting you or depleting you without any personal gain isn’t worth continuing anymore.
4. You don’t waste time traveling to places that you don’t enjoy.
You’ve been there, done that, and visited areas far and wide, and found many that you never want to set foot in again.
It’s far more pleasant — and better for your overall health — to spend time in places that make you feel safe, content, and fulfilled than to stress yourself out by travelling to areas you don’t actually want to be in.
This includes travelling to see people who don’t enhance your life, especially if they live in places you can’t stand.
For example, I knew a guy whose wife insisted that they visit her (atrocious) family in Florida every Christmas, so he never got to enjoy snow and hot cocoa by the fire during the holidays the way he loved to.
After they (unsurprisingly) divorced, he spent his holidays on his own terms from there on in: alone with his dog, in his cabin, by the fire, utterly content.
5. You spend less time on curated life and more time in real life.
Some people follow thousands of social media accounts, 99% of which are those of individuals they don’t actually know.
Of course, these are largely highly curated, rather than being examples of any kind of reality, and may also be filled with drama, contention, and rage bait.
These people aren’t our friends, and they rarely add anything of meaning to our lives, yet an inordinate amount of time can be spent going through all those accounts.
What’s more, all these superfluous accounts do is drain our time and energy, and make us upset about things we never have the power to change or even influence.
That’s why for many people, self-improvement involves being more mindful about digital consumption.
When you reduce your time on social media, you can focus wholly on people you care about, and also make a point of spending real-life time with those individuals.
And if you can’t get together regularly for meals or other social events, you can schedule video calls or similar ways to connect to keep your bonds strong.
6. It may shrink the range of foods you consume.
This one may be difficult to deal with at first, especially if you’re accustomed to enjoying a wide range of culinary delights from around the world. But the knock-on effect of narrowing down what works best for your unique body can be immensely beneficial to your health and well-being.
This is particularly true in midlife and beyond, as our digestive systems change a great deal as we age, meaning we often benefit from high-quality foods that are within a smaller range instead.
For example, you might have loved to set your innards on fire with butt-reaper burritos in your twenties, but those would land you in urgent care today. Maybe you’ve now found you thrive on a Mediterranean or Japanese diet instead.
There’s still a range of delicacies you can enjoy within these parameters, and your body will thank you a thousandfold daily for making this choice.
7. You hone in on pursuits you’re sincerely passionate about
People who have existential angst or FOMO often have long lists of all the things they want to do while they’re still earthside.
This can often lead to them having 300 pursuits and hobbies that they want to do, but not progressing in any of them.
Quite often, they have difficulty prioritizing what they want to focus on. If they choose one, then they’re neglecting another, so they end up with decision paralysis.
But as you continue your self-improvement journey, you may find you cut down that list to just a few pursuits that you sincerely love.
It doesn’t really matter if you never climb Kilimanjaro or go on an Ayahuasca journey in Peru; you’re quite happy making pottery or working on your novel.
It may seem as though your bucket list is shrinking, but you’re actually making more room in that bucket for those pursuits to expand — rather like pulling garden weeds so your roses can thrive.
8. You discover the joys of a simple life.
One of my favorite parts of The Lord of the Rings is the beginning of the chapter Concerning Hobbits:
“Hobbits are an unobtrusive but very ancient people, more numerous formerly than they are today; for they love peace and quiet and good tilled earth: a well-ordered and well-farmed countryside was their favourite haunt. They do not and did not understand or like machines more complicated than a forge-bellows, a water-mill, or a hand-loom, though they were skillful with tools.”
Essentially, Hobbits enjoy wholesome activities, good food, great conversation with good neighbors, and generally avoiding what the Big Folks with their Big Things are doing.
As you move forward in your journey, you may discover that what you love best in the world is a simple “boring” life, too.
You may have little interest in getting involved in major undertakings, but instead prefer calm, gentle simplicity.
Others might think that you’re limiting yourself by not living life to the fullest by choosing this path. They may accuse you of hiding yourself away, missing out on what they consider to be great and important things, but those are things they prioritize — not you.
Enjoy the simple pleasures you’ve chosen, as well as the fact that you aren’t overwhelmed by dispersing your energy across countless areas instead of focusing on what makes you happiest.
Final thoughts…
Be prepared that other people will likely give you a hard time about the choices you’re making.
They generally like others to maintain the status quo because it makes them comfortable, and for others to follow the same paths that they’ve chosen. They feel validated when others mirror their own life choices.
Your own self-improvement journey is likely to unnerve them, so don’t be surprised if your relationships change significantly.
Take those changes in stride, and have faith that you’re walking the path that’s best for you.
