I don’t know anyone who doesn’t regret at least one thing they did in the past.
Some people regret their school or career choices, while others regret past relationships or spur-of-the-moment decisions, like the questionable tattoo they do not want to talk about.
But those who rarely regret the choices they’ve made tend to be the ones who carefully weigh and measure their decisions instead of leaping before they look carefully.
The following questions are great filters as far as this process is concerned.
8 questions to ask before committing to anything big (if you want to avoid regrets):
1. What will the long-term ramifications be of this short-term gain or amusement?
When it comes to big decisions, stopping for a moment to see how the whole situation may play out is usually best, rather than making an impromptu decision and leaping into action.
Those who rarely regret their choices take a step back and assess the situation’s long-term effects.
For instance, let’s say their kid wants a dog. They had a dog growing up and think that would be a great idea!
But wait…
The neighbor has an aggressive dog that jumps the fence on occasion and might hurt a puppy. Furthermore, the kid is neurodivergent and gets overwhelmed by loud noises, like barking. Money’s tight right now, vet bills are expensive, and nobody in the family has the time or energy to train a dog, let alone walk it a few times a day.
As wonderful as having a dog would be, the downsides outweigh the positives at this point in time. That may change in the future, and can be renegotiated accordingly then. But for now, the long-term ramifications of this short-term amusement do not justify it.
2. Do I honestly know enough details about this situation or person?
Opportunities that seem too good to be true often are. In fact, if something seems like the best thing you’ve ever heard about, that’s a cue to approach with caution — possibly wearing a hazmat suit!
While it may be exciting to leap into action and do things like run off to Vegas to elope, or buy a house that just came on the market, there may be unwanted surprises if you do.
In order to avoid a life of regret, wise people look at the big picture and weigh all the pros and cons as thoroughly as they can before making a decision.
Taking time to really get to know someone before marriage is a perfect example. Folks are often on their best behavior for a few years during the “honeymoon phase”, but that mask slips eventually.
Case in point, I had a friend who wanted to marry a guy she was head over heels in love with, but they decided to move in together first.
After sharing a flat with him for a little while, she ended the relationship and was horrified that she nearly married this dude. It was only once they lived together that she realized what he was really like, and she Did Not want to deal with that for the rest of her life.
3. What is my underlying motivation for doing this?
People who rarely regret their choices often analyze the intentions behind their actions before taking them. Of course, this requires honesty and a reasonable level of self-awareness, which is a valuable skill worth working on.
This can offer them clarity as to whether they’re making decisions based on their own wants, or if they’re trying to appease others.
For example, they may be considering a university degree, military service, or religious vocation to make their parents happy rather than from a sincere personal desire.
They may be pressured by parents who chose a similar path and were happy with it, or who couldn’t choose this path themselves and want to live vicariously through their child.
By understanding the driving force behind their decisions, a person can avoid doing something that’s wrong for them.
Yes, they may upset other people temporarily, but they’ll hopefully come around once they see them living a more authentic life.
If you want to live a life without regrets, you cannot let other people define your idea of happiness.
4. Are there any potential blind spots that I haven’t considered?
In any situation, it’s vitally important to consider any possible loopholes, tiger traps, or other aspects that may have been obscured — especially with nebulous language or fuzzy details that’ll be “ironed out later.”
For example, before signing a contract from a potential employer or even a family member, they’ll get their lawyer or someone in the know to look over it.
It’s horrible to think that it happens, but an older woman I knew years ago almost gave her son and daughter-in-law power of attorney with her when she was admitted to the hospital just for a broken leg.
She was handed paperwork to sign while in pain, reassured it was “just for the medical insurance,” but something told her to hold off on it.
Had she signed it, she would have signed away her home, her savings, and her autonomy. Fortunately, her lawyer set things straight, and she distanced herself from those who tried to do her dirty when she was in such a vulnerable state.
5. Does this benefit me, or just the people around me?
Before someone takes an action in a particular direction, it’s beneficial to analyze whether they will truly benefit from its outcome, or if those around them will benefit more.
In many cases, those close to an individual may try to manipulate or pressure them into doing something that will be advantageous to them, rather than to the one who’ll have to actually do the thing.
For example, someone who’s trying to push their spouse into a particular job for the benefits they’ll receive.
People who rarely regret their life choices always consider questions like these, and they make lists of pros and cons to refer to.
Furthermore, they’re strong-minded enough to say no to something that only benefits others.
If a situation requires that they spread themselves thinly for others’ benefit, with no perks for them in turn, forget it.
6. Is this something I’m going to regret in 10 years’ time?
Asking a question like this one helps a person to take a long-term view of the enterprise.
For example, if you’re thinking of getting serious with someone but they have a personal habit that you barely find endearing or tolerable now, how are you going to feel after being forced to endure it for 10 years?
Can you learn to block it out, or will it become too excruciating to tolerate? And how difficult would it be to extricate yourself from a marriage or long-term partnership with this person, after having kids, merging finances, buying property together, and so on?
Take the long view of things, and you’ll be far less likely to do things you’ll end up regretting.
7. Is this endeavor short-lived, or of real permanence?
Those who consider the likelihood of long-term success in an endeavor rarely end up regretting taking action towards it.
It’s very easy to get excited about something that seems to have exploded ubiquitously overnight, like cupcake food trucks or Non-Fungible Token startups, but these kinds of
fads rise quickly, and then die off almost instantly.
As such, it’s always good to really look into a new boom and ascertain if it’s sustainable.
This can apply equally to a whirlwind romance as it can to a new business venture. Always look for qualities that tell you that this endeavor will endure, and that it’s not just going to be an overnight trend.
8. Am I of sound enough mind and body to commit to this?
This is probably the most important question that a person can ask themselves if they don’t want to regret their choices later.
It involves real, honest self-assessment to determine whether the choice being made is clear, without impediment.
Of course, there is an element of catch-22 here, since you need to be of sound enough mind to even consider the question.
Still, wherever you’re able, pausing and asking yourself a question like this can mean the difference between freedom and wearing a lovely orange jumpsuit (or being committed to raising a kid for the next 18 years, at least)
If there’s any doubt as to your current sobriety, mental clarity, or emotional stability, then do not engage. Do not pass GO. Turn your phone off, lock the door, go to bed. That’s it.
Final thoughts…
Although it’s nearly impossible to live a life that’s completely devoid of regrets, questions like these can reduce the number of them, as well as their severity.
They may not all apply to every life situation, but they’re good to keep referring to whenever the need arises.
In general, it’s better to err on the side of caution and sleep on a decision rather than rushing into it. Even though that may seem boring and may result in others calling you cowardly, it’s your life that’s on the line here.
Always do recon before committing to action.
