We often come across stories of people who have navigated one hardship after another, yet managed to find a way to survive and thrive nonetheless. Other stories revolve around people who fell apart after a few difficulties, since their troubles were far too much for them to deal with.
So what differentiates the two? Are some people simply more resilient by nature, and others more vulnerable? The answer often lies in the habits that mentally strong people display and practice regularly.
1. They find avenues for channeling their energy.
Roiling emotions and frayed energy are par for the course during times of crisis, so it’s of vital importance to find ways of channeling this energy so it doesn’t consume or overwhelm you. My partner and I have both navigated incredible hardships, and we’ve done this by remaining present and focusing our efforts on busy work and physical activity.
For example, I’ve thrown myself into work when dealing with difficulty and focused entirely, mindfully, on each mundane household task as I did it, and filled the rest of my time with running, yoga, and high-focus crafts. Meanwhile, he has done physical labor on the land, intense weight training and martial arts, and intricate hand crafts that required his complete concentration so he didn’t maim himself (i.e., blacksmithing, wood carving, etc.).
2. They take care of themselves.
Mentally strong people know that if they don’t take care of themselves to the best of their ability, they won’t be able to handle difficulties as they unfold. As a result, they take conscious action to maintain their health — physical as well as mental — to keep them strong and resilient.
This might include eating as well as they can (especially on a limited budget or if food is scarce), keeping their bodies and minds active, getting decent sleep, and addressing any health issues as quickly as possible. This includes things like counselling, group therapy, and medical attention as needed. By doing so, when something bad happens, they have the reserves to face it with strength and grace.
3. They create positive landmarks to look forward to.
If you’ve ever run a marathon or had to carry something heavy for a long distance, you probably remember how much you were looking forward to the rest stops where you’d be able to get some water and a snack, or to put the load down and recuperate. In fact, you might have kept a mental tally of how much longer you had to endure the hardship before you could get some much-needed R&R.
Mentally strong people create similar special things to look forward to in order to help keep them going, an approach that’s backed by psychologists.
During one of the worst years of my life, I was working a soul-sucking job that I hated while dealing with my narcissistic mother’s instability after my dad’s suicide. I got through every wretched week by knowing that come Friday night, I’d be ordering sushi to share with my cats, turning off my phone, taking a bath, and either watching a movie or listening to an audiobook. Those recalibration nights were my lifeline, and I was able to endure every week’s misery because I had “my time” to look forward to.
4. They use and nurture numerous coping mechanisms.
Mentally strong, resilient people diversify their coping mechanisms so that if one falters, they have several backups that’ll kick into gear.
These may include (but are not limited to):
- To-do lists and tangible goal setting.
- Compartmentalization and triage (essentially setting aside emotional responses until they’re in a position to work through them so they can deal with crises in the moment).
- Journaling.
- Meditation.
- Exercise.
- Counselling (either with an official therapist, or talking things out with friends, families, spiritual advisors, etc.).
They put all of these into practice regularly so that they don’t stagnate. It’s rather like ensuring that all parts of one’s body are strengthened equally so their backs don’t give out when they lift something heavy.
5. They find a purpose that keeps them striving forward.
As long as someone has a sense of purpose — either a cause or pursuit that means a great deal to them — they can keep putting one foot in front of the other, ever moving forward. It’s easy to wallow in despair or misery when one doesn’t have purpose because it feels like it really doesn’t matter if they don’t.
For some people, their pets are the reason why they get out of bed every day: these little ones are entirely dependent upon them for their most essential needs. In other cases, a person might not want to let others down by not working hard at the cause they’ve dedicated themselves to. As long as there’s a reason why, they can muster the impetus to keep going.
6. They control what they can and let go of what they can’t.
There are few actions as futile and useless as getting angry about things we can’t control. We can rant and rave about things that we think are unfair, but if there’s absolutely nothing we can do about them, then that’s a lot of wasted mental, emotional, and physical energy.
Mentally strong people accept what is, work with what they have, and let go of whatever is beyond their ability to influence. They simply do the best with what they have available to them, and if they ever have the opportunity to improve things that were previously beyond their reach, they’ll tackle those things when they can as well.
7. They engage in a spiritual practice.
There are as many different types of spiritual paths as there are human beings on this planet, as each person has their own approach and preferences that they put into play. Some might adhere strongly to a particular dogma and rituals, while others create an amalgam of different ideas and practices. Ultimately, the main purpose of a spiritual discipline is to maintain and strengthen faith in something bigger than oneself.
Even if a person doesn’t necessarily believe in a particular faith, they may be drawn to the very real effect that it may have, either on an individual or a group of people. For example, a person who volunteers at a soup kitchen run by a faith-based organization because they want to do some good in the world may not be particularly religious, but when they see the effects that their acts of kindness have on others, that might inspire them to do more.
Final thoughts…
Life can be incredibly difficult at times, and there may be many occasions in which a person feels like they’re broken, battered, and don’t have the will to go on. That’s where the habits listed here can be immensely helpful: they can encourage a person to use what strength they have to pick themselves up and keep on keeping on.
Never let bitterness and despair win: the human spirit is far too strong (and formidable!) to be broken by life’s cruelties. There are always silver linings to be found, and lights in the darkness to keep drawing us forward.
I’ll leave you with some words from the novel “The Painted Drum” by Louise Erdrich:
“Life will break you.
Nobody can protect you from that, and being alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning.
You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You have to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.
And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes too near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.”
