Regret is a pain that stings like no other. It comes when you finally pause to look over your shoulder at the opportunities you’ve lost instead of choosing that which lights a flame in your soul. We always think we’re going to have time to do this or that, but life moves fast once you’re in the groove. It’s easy to leave your own needs and desires behind.
At some point, you have to choose yourself. And if you see anything in this list that you feel you may regret later, don’t wait. Find a way to make your desires happen. We all only have so much time.
1. The regret of putting joy and happiness into the future.
Far too many people don’t live in the moment. They live in their memories of the past or the hope for their future. They tell themselves, “I can’t be happy right now. I need to accomplish my goal before I will feel happy.” Then, they eventually accomplish their goal, and they get a brief burst of happiness, but then it fades. They’re left to chase their next high.
Harvard Medical School informs us that there is a difference between joy and happiness. Joy is the pleasure you feel in the moment, like enjoying someone’s company or having a cold drink on a hot day. The long-term mood of happiness is built over time through joyful moments for many people.
Happiness and joy are best felt today, as much as you can. Tomorrow is not promised. The goals that we hinge our happiness on may not come to pass. What do you do if that happens? Be upset that it didn’t work out? Deprive yourself of joy and happiness even longer? Nah. Get out there and create some happiness through joyful moments right now.
2. The regret of not taking care of yourself and your health.
Health is not a primary concern for most people. That’s unfortunate, because sooner or later, a bad lifestyle is going to catch up with you. By the time you start experiencing the consequences of the lack of care for yourself, it usually means harm has already been caused to your body in some way.
This is one of my personal regrets. I’ve lived with Bipolar-depression for over 30 years now, and as anyone with a mental illness can tell you, caring about yourself can be a challenge. There’s a lot of maintenance I didn’t do for myself. I didn’t take proper care of my teeth or my weight, and I deal with the consequences of that now.
I can’t undo some of the damage that I’ve done to myself, but at the same time, I never thought I’d live this long, anyway. I figured the depression would have claimed me long before now. The joke is on me, I suppose.
Plus, it’s hard to unlearn old habits and replace them with new. As experts at Fast Forward share, the brain is wired to repeat, not rethink. Even when you decide to change, it’s going to take a lot of work and discipline to change your patterns.
3. The regret of spending too much time working.
Life is busy, and bills are expensive. Many people don’t have a choice but to work an excessive amount, otherwise they can’t pay their bills. However, when you get to a certain point, you do have to start making some choices for yourself. There’s always more work to do, but many older folks regret not spending time on experiences they won’t have again.
It’s almost a trope that a distant parent looks back on their life and regrets all of the time that they decided to work, instead of spending time with their family. It’s a hard balance to strike when you’re trying to provide and support. Even if you can’t make it to every function or game, it’s worth it to try to do it at least once in a while. Even if that something is just slowing down to take a break for yourself.
4. The regret of living your life in fear of the unknown.
Those who spend their life not taking risks because they are afraid often look back on their life and wonder what could have been. What would have happened if I had just taken that opportunity? Or asked that person out? Or did what was right for me? What could I have experienced if I had just been brave enough to face my discomfort?
And, in many cases, it’s well worth it because the fear and anxiety are often overblown. Do some things go wrong? Sure. Of course. That’s just life. However, if you don’t take any risks and never step outside of your comfort zone, then you will never know what you are truly capable of. You’ll live a small life that does not feel well-lived when you’re looking back on it later.
5. The regret of emotional avoidance and vulnerability.
True intimacy cannot exist without letting some people behind your walls. So many struggle with that because they’ve been hurt before and they’re afraid of getting hurt again. Alternatively, maybe you just grew up in an environment where emotional intimacy wasn’t modeled well. It could be that you are a survivor of abuse that didn’t allow you to be vulnerable without it being weaponized against you.
Some people struggle with even the simplest of acts of emotional intimacy, like giving an apology or saying “I love you.” If you live that way, you’re never going to reap the benefits of the full human experience. Great love and connection will come with great pain, sooner or later. Even in the best-case scenario, someone will eventually die, and that love will be replaced with grief.
6. The regret of not living an authentic life.
It’s your life, and you have to live it for yourself to some degree. Granted, we all make some sacrifices for the life we live or the people we love. That’s normal. But, like most things, there needs to be a balance. You cannot ignore or compromise the core pieces of yourself that make you who you are. If you do, you will feel terrible about it sooner or later.
You’ll realize how much happiness and peace of mind you sacrificed to make someone else happy, someone who didn’t necessarily appreciate or deserve it. I say that because anyone who genuinely loves and cares about you in a healthy way will not want you to sacrifice the important pieces of you for their own benefit.
Instead, they will want to pour love and support into you. They will want to see you fly, not clip your wings for their own benefit.
Closing thoughts…
As you can see, there are many things to regret about not pursuing the kind of life that you want to live. Yes, we all make choices and sacrifices that affect the direction of our lives. However, those choices should be made with a clear heart and a clear mind about what they will mean for the rest of your life.
Responsibility doesn’t always let you choose yourself, but if you look hard enough, you can probably find some places where you can. Even if it’s something small, like reading a book to learn new skills or deciding to act on a big dream that you have. Whatever it may be, we only have so much time in this world. Make the most of it. Don’t live with regrets.
