If you were in a burning building with other people, would you exit in a calm and orderly fashion, or would you all run for the door, causing a stampede and a jam?
Ok, so a lot of us would probably bolt for the door, but we know that’s not what we’re supposed to do.
The same applies to life in general.
You’re far more likely to see the results you want if you just slow your roll. You are much more likely to find lasting progress. Not because you tried any harder, but because you respected the pace progress actually needs.
Do you want a better life? We all do. We’d all prefer for our lives to not be that metaphorical burning building.
The choice you make today will set you up for tomorrow, but it is the how, not the how fast, that matters.
Seven habits to get you firmly started are right here; no fire extinguisher necessary.
How to build slow but lasting progress toward a better life:
1. Choose consistency over intensity, every time.
I was never a fan of those 10-minute, high-intensity workouts. I’d rather spend a little more time doing a less strenuous exercise. I could walk for hours, for example.
That’s a key factor in lasting progress: the idea that you don’t have to do anything intensely; you just have to do it. Regularly. There’s no point in doing something if you can’t sustain it.
I always tell people to be gentle with themselves. If you want a better life, you don’t have to make every decision today, nor does every decision have to be wild, life-changing, or over-the-top.
Just do one thing that you can manage to do every day (or as close to that as possible). Build it into your life consistently, the same way you brush your teeth twice a day (I hope) or make your morning coffee.
A habit is only a habit if you keep doing it, after all.
2. Ask yourself “what will this choice create if I keep making it?”
The choices you make every day are creative forces. They become your future life and identity. So when you make a choice (even if that choice is to not do something), ask yourself what will happen if you keep making it.
For example, I write books as well as articles, and I have a whole heap of them sitting on my laptop. I don’t necessarily do it for the money or to make a career as a fiction author; I do it because I love writing in general.
Creativity lives in my bones, and it needs an outlet, but none of those books would’ve been written if I woke up on day two, three, or fifty-three of my writing quest and didn’t choose to continue. I show up every day not for an audience, but for my passion to thrive.
I wake up, make the choice to write, and as a result, I have some books – some characters – I am incredibly proud and fond of.
My life is better because I keep choosing this hobby. I write about what matters to me. It gives my thoughts somewhere to go and adds richness to my life.
And all I do to make it happen is show up a little every day.
In doing that, I build the life I set out to create, one word at a time.
3. Don’t wait to feel or be ready; just dive in.
Nobody is ever ready. Even if they say they are, they’re probably lying, but the difference with those people is that they do the thing anyway.
I remember signing up for the Open University back in 2012. I wanted to do something, and psychology always interested me. I had no clue what I was doing, but I signed up for the course because my intrigue was telling me, “Click here, you know you want to.”
I did, and I came away with a diploma. It was a proud, pat myself on the back moment.
A few years later, I got the same itch, and four years after that, I got my degree. I don’t know what made me sign up, other than knowing what I wanted.
I certainly had those “Are you sure it’s a good time?” feelings rise up in my body, but I reverted back to my favorite phrase (that yes, I made up):
Time passes, so you may as well do it anyway.
I had the choice of reaching the age of 40 with or without a degree. So regardless of whether or not I was ready, I went for it. And since then, my whole life has changed.
It wasn’t easy, but I did it, slowly and surely.
4. Ask yourself who you are becoming, and make decisions based on that person.
If you’re on a mission, adventure, or some kind of journey, you’re probably going to be a different version of who you are now when you complete it. That’s not to say you’ll go through some huge transformation, but even a slight shift is a variation of the ‘you’ today, right?
Progress can only really come when you let go of today’s you and make room for who you want to become.
“I need to do this. I want to do this. What would that version of me do right now to get there?”
It’s powerful, isn’t it?
In a similar vein, if you find it hard to envision a future you, but you have someone who you look up to, you could ask yourself what they would do.
As a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan, I frequently find myself asking, “What would Meredith Grey do?” Her character always seemed like someone I could aspire to be, and honestly, asking that question has led me to make some pretty big choices – for the better!
5. Treat setbacks as information loading, and not “I failed!” moments.
Resilience expert Dr Tracey Marks describes setbacks so well: as disruptions. She says we all have our rhythms, and a setback can knock us off track, but that we should simply see it as a minor disruption, and not, “Oh my goodness, I am officially broken!”
Setbacks can feel like the end of the world, but they really aren’t. I’d love it if everyone could treat them as just information you’re receiving. Yes, your nervous system might be screaming at you for mercy, but that’s just what it’s designed to do when things don’t go to plan.
It doesn’t mean you’re a huge mess-up; it means you have a choice:
“Do I stay here and feel like the world is against me, or do I listen to what this mistake is telling me and use that to get back on track?”
I think we all know which is more likely to lead to lasting progress towards a better life.
6. Understand that your progress has nothing to do with anyone else’s.
Repeat after me: “I care about other people, but I compare myself to nobody.”
What you don’t want is to think, “I don’t care what other people do.” You can’t make progress by being salty.
Be kind, but be you.
Your path is going to cross with so many other people’s over the course of your life, but that doesn’t mean you’re all on the same journey.
What Dave does for a living isn’t the only way to earn money, and what Julie is doing to improve her mental health might not work for you. So why compare?
Similarly, don’t let other people run your life for you, as so many people make the mistake of doing. Your best friend may mean well, but her decisions for you could simply be what she would choose to do. You are not her.
Your progress is your path, your energy, and it has to be at your pace. Get into the habit of believing that you don’t have to try any harder to achieve what other people are achieving; you just need to shut out the noise comparison makes when it tries to get under your skin.
7. Treat small decisions as anything but insignificant.
You want to make progress to build a better life. You’re standing on the building site of that, with your foundations laid down. You look around you at all the small bricks, and you think, “Are you kidding me? These are tiny!”
But each brick represents a vital step. It represents you overcoming a challenge. It represents learning, growing, trying again, being resilient, doing the thing even if you don’t feel like it, or resting when you know you need to.
Separately, they seem insignificant, as though they’d never build the life you want, but together, they complete the house in your mind.
Each brick is a decision. It’s not about buying bigger bricks or rushing the job; it’s about appreciating what each small brick means, and why it’s there.
You won’t get the life of your dreams by taking shortcuts. That’s just not how it works.
Final thoughts…
When we talk about habits, we are usually talking about the things we do without thinking. Most of us picture something like eating chicken slices from the pack in the fridge, or spending an hour putting things in your online basket only to change your mind (tell me I’m not alone).
But habits can be conscious things you cultivate until they become second nature. They don’t have to be hard work, but they do need to be intentional until they’re automatic.
That won’t happen immediately, but if you keep at it, you will walk slowly and purposely toward the life you want.
