Midlife, eh? Do you remember hearing about the dreaded 4-0 and being “over the hill” when you were growing up? You dreaded the thought of middle age because what a drag that would be.
Then suddenly, you’re 43 and wanting to take up surfing, even though you live 400 miles from the nearest coast, and you spent your entire life hating cold water and fearing jellyfish. Or maybe not. But you might be looking on in envy at those who do.
I’ll let you into a little secret:
The key to their way of life? Unlocking the following 8 habits. Hands up who wants a copy of that key…
1. They never stop wanting to learn.
When you’re at school, you think learning is about memorizing algebra equations and remembering everything on the periodic table. It’s only when you leave and get older that you realize learning is about opening your heart and mind to what the world is showing you every day. And it isn’t always about academic information, either. Learning can be growing in yourself, appreciating different cultures, learning how to communicate with your spouse, making mistakes, and redirecting yourself back to your path.
There can be this newfound enthusiasm for life when you place your hand on your heart and realize it’s still beating. All the while you are still here, you can keep acquiring knowledge, and midlife is where so many people get that. It really is the kind of habit that, if it were contagious, would reshape our world.
2. To them, “Where I should be by now” doesn’t exist.
“Oh no. My best friend has just made partner at her firm. I should be doing more with my life.” “My brother has it all together with buying property. He doesn’t have any worries about money. I should be in that place, too.”
Before I go on and potentially trigger you anymore, stay with me, because…
…There is no should be in life, because there are no rulebooks or guidelines any of us are following. I’m winging it every single day, flying by the seat of my pants some of the time. Sure, there are people out there I know who are doing really well, but others really are not. I don’t compare because I like my life, even if the seat of my pants might argue otherwise.
Midlife can be such a turning point, but it can also just be a chapter of your life that you appreciate and live as well as you can with what you have. That’s definitely a path worth taking.
3. They seek and invest in what makes them feel fully alive.
When you get to a certain age, you quit fooling around. You cut out the unnecessary fillers in your life that take up too much of your energy, and you make more room for what opens your heart and sets you on fire.
Fillers look different depending on your own situation, but they can include things like toxic relationships, unhealthy habits, hobbies that you feel you only do out of obligation to the person you were twenty years ago, or even the need to keep buying things. I saw a post by Harvard professor Dr. Arthur Brooks last week, who wrote that happiness is an investment. And there is no better time than midlife, when you start to really know what makes you tick, than to focus on those investments.
So embrace what makes you feel fully alive, and invest your time and energy into that. You’ll soon understand where those who do this get their enthusiasm from.
4. There’s a selective process behind where they put their energy.
If you want to know if being selective with your energy creates a less stressed person, I’m here to confirm it! Truly, people who reach this state in midlife do see their time as finite. More than that, they see where they can place their energy and emotions as finite, too.
It’s the idea of simply not wasting your resources in a place where they’re either not respected or not appreciated. You do get to a certain age where you really care less, and you actively want to detach from any person or moment that drains you or feels toxic.
I’m unable to give you an exact date and time when it occurs, but trust me, you will wake up one day and feel like you are in some kind of musical, and everything that once felt heavy or unproductive will be released from you. That’s when you’ll know.
And if you want to sing, I won’t judge. I’ll probably join in.
5. They shed their need for external validation and focus on meaning and purpose instead.
To have enthusiasm for your own life has to mean letting go of the need or desire for approval from everybody else. You might feel superficially happy, always searching for external ways to feel your worth, but underneath that thin layer is likely to be somebody who is insecure, or who is only happy when other people are happy.
How many times have you truly asked yourself, “Who am I? What matters to me?” Professor Anthony Burrow describes purpose beautifully as a “self-organizing life aim.” I think that’s exactly what makes living enthusiastically in midlife successful, and having a ‘life’ aim means there’s no set deadline to figuring out what your view ahead looks like.
You don’t need anybody to give you permission for that!
6. They see a challenge as exciting.
Those in midlife who shift their mindset from, “This seems too difficult, I’m out,” to, “Okay, I’ve never done this before, but there’s a first time for everything, right?”, are always going to feel more enthusiastic because the latter helps you grow, rather than stagnate.
When you get to a certain age, you have those two choices. You can either accept you’re no longer twenty-four any more and give up on growth, or value the opportunity to keep life fresh and exciting even though you might be double that age, or more.
If you remain curious and open to new challenges, you will undoubtedly feel more alive than if you were to automatically decline them all and fester on your couch instead.
7. The season they’re in becomes an appreciation rather than a battle.
Entering midlife doesn’t mean you’re in the winter era of your life! In fact, the transition into this stage is probably one of the most pivotal of your entire life, because it often comes with the experience, self-awareness, and resources to make any changes you feel ready to make and rethink the choices you’ve made thus far.
Understanding that this is a time when you can literally reflect and redefine your entire existence, and that this would be the best time to do it, is surely one of the reasons why enthusiasm thrives for many during this era.
I love the idea of sifting through your life up until now and thinking, “What’s working for me?”, or, “I really want to give this a go.” You don’t have to battle this season of your life; in fact, you can thrive within it.
8. They realize that it’s always possible to reinvent any aspect of their life.
There was a song called Never Too Late by Kylie Minogue that I loved as a kid. I used to play the vinyl, singing along to the words, “It’s never too late, we’ve still got time.” The irony of being six years old and singing about still having time…
However, there is meaning in those words. All the while that you’re here, with air in your lungs and blood pumping around your body, it really is never too late to change anything about your life that you’re unhappy with.
Thinking like this lets the light in, no matter your age. It’s exactly the kind of habit that makes life worth living and fighting for, especially in midlife and beyond.
Final thoughts…
So, who’s got Kylie Minogue songs now stuck in their heads? In all seriousness, time is your friend, and each time you wake up in the morning, you’re given more of it. The real question you should be asking yourself is, “What do I want to do with it?”
Take a leaf out of those who ooze enthusiasm in midlife, and I bet it won’t be long before you feel the same way, too.
