When you think about the values, preferences, and interests you had 30 years ago, they’re likely quite different from the ones you have now. This is true for most middle-aged people, yet many try to cling to the past version of themselves rather than reinventing themselves to suit who they are now.
There are certain approaches and techniques that allow people to embrace their current identity and start a new chapter in their lives with great success, so let’s take a look at what these are and why they’re so effective.
1. They prioritize authenticity.
By the time an individual reaches midlife, they might have spent years being performative in order to suit the whims and wants of those around them, and they now have zero interest in continuing to do so. They’ve thrown away the masks they were forced to wear for so long and have traded all of the clothing they wore for others’ benefit in favor of items that they absolutely adore.
I spent decades working in PR and event management, where I always had to look immaculately presentable. After I moved to my cabin in the woods, I stopped dyeing my hair, got rid of tailored skirt suits and heels in favor of flowing dresses and comfortable boots, and have never felt more like “myself.” I would likely be unrecognizable to many of the people who knew me before, and that’s a good thing: they only saw my professional mask, rather than who I really am.
2. They release or discard whatever no longer serves them.
Letting go of what no longer serves you can relate to mindsets and perspectives just as much as physical belongings. Some people choose to rid themselves of the “stuff” they’ve accumulated over the years so they can replace it with a few precious items they truly adore. Others let go of their need to please people, their ideas about physical attractiveness, or their perspectives about what really is and is not important in life.
Instead, they embrace the things that bring them real joy and peace. They do a lot of reading and soul searching, and make a point of embracing all the things that resonate with them. Whatever doesn’t bring them joy or fulfillment gets tossed in the bin without a second glance.
3. They manage and overcome fear and anxiety rather than running away from it.
Just about every person who has reached midlife has been through their fair share of difficulty. By age 50, most people have experienced loss, grief, some type of major health issue, and at least some form of mental or emotional upheaval. They have also come to recognize that the majority of things they feared in the past never actually happened, and that they endured, survived, and moved past the difficulties that did unfold.
As a result, those who successfully reinvent themselves lean into things like fear and anxiety and manage them with coping skills and grace, rather than running away from whatever causes them discomfort. This reinvention makes them quite strong and fearless, which may be in stark contrast to how they were in their youth.
4. They allow themselves space to fail and grow.
One of the main things that prevents many people from reinventing themselves in midlife is the fear of failure. They may worry that they won’t meet their own expectations, or that others won’t accept the new version of themselves that they’re cultivating. As such, they may tentatively dip a toe into the realm of reinvention, but are quick to withdraw back to comfortable sameness if they come across resistance.
In contrast, those who successfully reinvent themselves are the ones who are willing to fling themselves into the great unknown and trust that the changes they’re choosing will work out. If things don’t go as planned, then they’ll adapt. What matters is that they’re moving forward instead of letting the fear of failure hold them back.
“When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: either there will be ground to stand on, or you will be given wings to fly” ― O.R. Melling
5. They learn from past mistakes.
Whether it’s recognizing unhealthy patterns they have repeated, or looking back upon photos of themselves wearing extra low-rise jeans and an astonishing amount of body glitter, these individuals learn what did and didn’t work for them in the past. That way, they don’t make the same mistakes as they move forward.
To do otherwise would be like repeatedly trying to build a sandcastle on the shore, even though waves keep knocking it down. In cases like these, an individual might think they’re successfully reinventing themselves when really they’re just repeating the same actions over and over again. They might use a different bucket, or add extra bits and bobs to convince themselves that they’re doing something completely new, but the end result will always remain the same.
6. They spend time with those who inspire them.
Rather than spending their time with people out of a sense of obligation, or as a means of climbing a social or professional ladder, people who reinvent themselves in midlife surround themselves with those whom they wish to emulate, or who inspire them in some way.
In my case, I joined groups of local people who were raising bees, spinning yarn, quilting, canning, and knitting, and I was happier than I had ever been in my younger days. Not only was I learning countless skills from my peers and elders, but they were also offering me a glimpse of the type of person I could become if I stayed true to my passions and lived authentically.
7. They absorb new experiences (especially outside their comfort zone).
Did you know that approximately 40 percent of people in the USA and Europe never travel outside their own country? Furthermore, many of them never leave their own state or region: they just buckle down and live where they’ve been planted. While playing it safe in this way may be comfortable to many, it also offers a very blinkered perspective. After all, there aren’t many opportunities to grow when you’re surrounded by homogeneity.
Those who successfully reinvent themselves in middle age step outside their comfort zones to absorb new experiences and learn new things. Whatever their passions are, they learn how others are approaching them so they can expand their own horizons. We’ve come across many musicians who have travelled the world and incorporated new sounds into their creations, but chefs, artists, writers, and everyone else can expand their minds and hearts exponentially by experiencing how other people live around the world.
8. They play.
We know that kids learn and grow by playing, but most people think that they need to set aside all play as “frivolous” as soon as they reach adulthood. Fortunately, many others reach midlife and recognize just how important play is for their souls, as well as their personal development.
Some of the most amazing recipes have been developed by playing with ingredients, and extraordinary inventions have come about the same way. Magical things happen organically when people aren’t trying to specifically cultivate something within strict parameters. The same goes for reinventing oneself: play with different hair colors, try out different clothing styles, and listen to different music. Sometimes, it’s only by trying on a wide range of new costumes that one realizes the role that they’re meant to play in life.
Final thoughts…
As you may have guessed, the key to successfully reinventing oneself in midlife is to play around, explore new things, and experiment until the “right” things click into place. This is in stark contrast to the approaches we’ve been encouraged to use in the past, such as choosing a particular aesthetic as a goal and then working towards it.
Midlife is the perfect opportunity to reconnect with parts of ourselves that we set aside for the sake of professional conduct and people-pleasing. I think we’ve all had quite enough of that. It’s time to shine.
