Many of us look back at experiences we had as kids or teens (often with the help of old photos) and reminisce about how amazing things were back then. I don’t know about you, but things felt a lot brighter, more engaging, and overall more of a sensory delight in my youth than they are now.
Interestingly, there are solid psychological reasons as to why life’s pleasures seem to feel different as we age. Let’s look at them, because understanding the why can help us to prevent them from feeling hollow.
1. Awareness of the costs associated with said pleasures.
Ignorance can be blissful on many levels, and most of us had a fair bit of ignorance in our youth regarding the things that brought us joy and pleasure. For instance, we didn’t think about where our food came from, or how things we used were created (or by whom). As we got older, however, many of us learn about the costs associated with everything we consume — from the horrors of animal cruelty to the realities of sweatshops, environmental pollution, and everything in between.
This awareness makes it difficult to enjoy these items with the same wild abandon as we did in our youth because it creates what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. That is, the discomfort you feel when your behaviors clash with your beliefs.
The best way I’ve found to mitigate this dissonance and prevent pleasures from being hollow is to make the best choices possible with regard to my own consumption, within the parameters of what I can afford. I also try to offset my consumption by doing volunteer work like forest and river cleanups, or donating to eco charities. This goes a long way towards easing the psychological burden of my choices, while hopefully putting more good into the world than I take from it.
2. Habituation to pleasurable things over time.
Habituation is a psychological concept that describes how novelty wears off: basically, once you’ve done something several times over, you stop getting excited about it because you’re so used to it. It’s like how people who live in places others visit on holiday don’t care about the architecture there. If a person walks through downtown Prague or Paris all their life, they know all the cracks and flaws instead of seeing the beauty around them.
To prevent the loss of delight that habituation can cause, seek out special little things where you live. Take a guided historic walk through the oldest part of town. Go searching for heritage markers on homes where famous people lived. Order new dishes at your favorite restaurants. Essentially, broaden your horizons to make your surroundings new and exciting again.
3. Carrying too much responsibility.
The weight of responsibility that comes with aging can prevent people from experiencing the same type of joy they had when they were younger. If you’re dealing with a ton of stress from all directions, it’s difficult to unclench and allow yourself to be present in whatever joy is unfolding. The whole time you’re experiencing it, you’re either burdened with pressing issues you’ll have to attend to later or measuring how much energy you’ll have to put towards this supposedly fun endeavor.
For example, you may think great, you’re having some delicious cake for dessert that your kids baked, but you’ll have to wash the pans later and have less money for next week’s groceries, etc.
Whenever possible, put down burdens that you don’t have to carry right now, in this exact moment. Eat the cake without thinking of the dishes right this second. And if you can, let others shoulder some of your workload instead of thinking you need to carry it all yourself.
4. Our bodies produce less dopamine as we age.
Apparently, our brains’ dopamine levels degrade by about 10% every decade. This is because the dopamine-producing neurons deteriorate over time, and our brains actually lose dopamine receptor sites as a result.
This means that as we get older, we produce less and less dopamine, and it literally affects how we experience joy. That’s because dopamine controls our brains’ reward systems. It governs our moods and how we process pleasurable things like intimacy, eating good food, enjoying good music, and so on.
The good news is that you can mitigate this loss with certain beneficial habits. Reward the journey and effort that goes into a pursuit rather than solely celebrating results. Spend a little time outside in the morning sunshine to trigger dopamine release and improve circadian rhythm function. Also, consume foods high in the amino acid known as tyrosine, such as dark chocolate, avocados, almonds, bananas, and beans.
5. Hyper awareness of the repercussions of our actions.
Young people are often carefree in their actions because they don’t consider the ripples that unfold because of them. This is why the phrase “I didn’t think!” is used so often after something untoward occurs due to irresponsibility or negligence.
They don’t have enough life experience to anticipate all the things that could go wrong with their well-intended but ultimately thoughtless decisions. Neither do they have the brain development, since the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational decision-making and weighing consequences, isn’t fully developed until around the age of 25.
But we do.
A good way to mitigate this is to recognize that you can’t always have a carefree experience, but balance responsibility with fun. Instead of saying a solid “NO” to jet skis, for example, make sure you’re wearing protective gear and have fun. Similarly, you may need to supervise the kids at the beach instead of chilling with your friends during the day, but you can get a babysitter and go watch Alien vs Predator with your buddies while sharing some good whiskey later.
6. Our perception of the world was literally more vibrant when we were young.
This one is both physiological and psychological. Children’s eyes have lenses that are as clear as glass, whereas older adults’ eyes have yellowed and thickened with age. This change dims our color perception as we get older, so things aren’t as bright and colorful as they were in our youth. And secondly, the brains of older adults don’t process color as intensely as those of younger people.
This is your cue to paint your living room orange or teal, or dress like a peacock that’s fallen into a paint sampler box if you’re so inclined. As your color perceptions dim a bit, make up for it by surrounding yourself with the most vibrant hues that make you happy. Sure, it’s overcompensating, but that’s the entire point: we may have to counterbalance age-related deterioration with things like eyeglasses, mobility devices, and hearing aids, so there’s no shame in amping up the glorious color around ourselves as well.
7. Our perception of time speeds up as we age.
Our brains take longer to process things as we get older. It’s one of the reasons we often experience brain fog, or why we need to do something new (like using new apps on our phones) several times over before we clearly remember how to do them. As a result, things often take longer than they did when we were younger.
What’s more, psychological research shows that time feels much more fleeting than it did when we were younger. This is in part due to the reduced vibrancy of our perception that we just talked about, but also because we have fewer new experiences. I remember summer vacation days feeling like they went on forever when I was a child/teen, whereas now they’re just a blur of being overheated and mosquito-bitten for a few hours before the sun sets yet again.
A good way to prevent pleasurable experiences from feeling hollow due to time perception shifts is to reduce multitasking and try to be as present as possible in whatever you’re doing, and to seek out new experiences.
If you’re reading outside with an amazing iced coffee within reach, pause and enjoy the drink regularly instead of sipping it absent-mindedly while you read. Similarly, if you’re enjoying watching birds in the garden with your partner, wait to look up different species on your phone until you go back inside. Enjoy every experience as it unfolds, and find the novelty in it, instead of trying to pack maximum sensory processing into every minute.
8. Wondering whether each blip of pleasure will be the last time.
Most of us in our middle years and later know full well that there’s only so much road left ahead of us to walk. None of us knows when it’s going to come to an end, however, but that awareness is always hanging in the periphery. As a result, life’s pleasures can be hollow and a bit bittersweet due to the existential fear that we’ll never be able to experience what we love again.
Try not to let the fear of loss and change grey out the beautiful experiences you have on the daily. Instead of focusing on tomorrow’s “what ifs”, enjoy today as fully as you can. Many people forget to enjoy what’s right in front of them because they’re afraid they’ll never have it again… but it’s right there, right now. Focus on this moment, and then the next one, without worrying about what next week may or may not bring.
Final thoughts…
Ultimately, one of the best ways to prevent life’s pleasures from feeling grey and hollow is to focus on all the good things in your life rather than myopically fixating on the bad. There will always be downsides to the things we experience, and age-related life changes can get us down at times. Take a cue from Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life” and try to always look on the bright side. There’s always joy and beauty to be found in everything we do.
