It’s easy to confuse healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms when you’re trying to survive the storms of life. Few things are better than spending some time not thinking about your problems.
But avoidance is a delicate thing to balance. You can’t stay immersed in the chaos all the time, or it will just make your mental health worse. But on the other hand, you also don’t want to lose yourself in whatever your coping mechanisms are.
That’s particularly true if your coping mechanisms also happen to be ways you numb yourself out. These are some examples to look out for.
8 coping mechanisms that are really just ways to numb out:
1. Constantly distracting yourself with entertainment.
An infinite amount of entertainment is out there to distract yourself with. It’s so easy to do when you aren’t mindful of how much time you’re putting into binge-watching shows or doomscrolling.
In my case, my vice of choice was video games.
I devoted a lot of time to World of Warcraft when I was at my worst, because it was a way to not think about how bad my life was.
I would log in and grind at it for hours while ignoring my responsibilities. Everything in my life was falling apart, but the game gave me a sense of control I did not have.
My relationship wasn’t going well because I wasn’t emotionally healthy enough to have a good relationship. My work was suffering because I hated my job and I was mentally unstable.
But still, I could log into a game specifically designed to feed me dopamine bursts for accomplishing things no one cares about.
The entertainment gave me a false sense of satisfaction that I kept returning to, and perhaps you’re doing something similar, too.
2. Keeping yourself busy.
Some people distract themselves from their unhappiness by staying busy, busy, busy.
They reason that if they never have to slow down to think about it, then they don’t have to deal with whatever problems they’re having.
That may mean working excessively, constantly scheduling activities, and filling up every waking moment of the day with something to do.
But there are multiple problems with this approach.
The first is that you will burn yourself out, sooner or later. No one can keep up that pace forever.
The stress can drive people to heart attacks and strokes because the brain is not built to be stressed out all the time.
The second problem is that you just can’t outrun your personal problems. You may think you can. But once you stop running and look over your shoulder, you’ll find your problems are still right there, following you.
3. Turning it all into a joke.
Humor is a fine coping mechanism when taken in small doses. I mean, sometimes life is so ridiculous or painful that you just have to laugh at the sheer absurdity.
But some people take this method of coping a bit too far by turning everything into a joke.
People who do this are trying to minimize the emotional impact that a problem is going to have, and they often don’t realize that’s what they’re doing.
Turning a difficult conversation into a joke will make other people think that you don’t take things seriously, even if you’re hurting.
I understand the need. I know I’ve told myself, “If I didn’t laugh, I would cry,” on more than one occasion.
But I eventually learned that not only is it okay to cry, but sometimes it’s necessary.
Crying is one way that your brain copes with the struggles that you’re facing.
4. Organizing and cleaning obsessively.
A person who does not feel like they have control in their life may seek that control elsewhere, like in how they keep their home.
This person may be up at 2 am in the morning, scrubbing floors because it gives them something else to focus on instead of their thoughts.
When they redirect their focus in this way, they don’t need to think about how they don’t make enough at work, the stress in their relationship, or whatever other struggles they may be facing.
Instead, they can pick up a sponge and exert control over the space around them. And sure, it is nice to have a clean space to live in, but that can turn into almost obsessive behavior.
It’s not healthy to be constantly trying to exert control over your surroundings, because some surroundings can’t be controlled. And neither can some circumstances.
Sometimes, you just can’t control things.
5. Constantly consuming self-help material.
The self-help industry is huge because a lot of people just don’t feel like they are in control of their lives.
They’re looking for answers, for some way to create peace and happiness for themselves. And naturally, there are plenty of salespeople, influencers, writers, and podcasters out there who are more than happy to feed into that.
But much of it is distraction rather than actual self-help.
The person convinces themselves that this next book is going to be the one that will provide the real answers! But in reality, a lot of it is just people posing as thought leaders, rehashing old ideas with new branding to cash in.
People who consume a lot of self-help content are often using it as a way to avoid doing the difficult work necessary to create happiness.
6. Making elaborate plans to change your life.
Making elaborate plans about how to totally remake your life pairs nicely with consuming endless self-help material.
The grandiose plans that the person is going to get to tomorrow or a year from now are a distraction. Yes, of course it’s good to set long-term plans. However, long-term success is built from short-term efforts.
Do you want to lose weight? Then you have to control what you put into your body today. Do you want to take a vacation? Then you need to not buy that frivolous item and save your money.
Every big plan or desire is composed of making many smaller decisions now that lead in the right direction.
But hey, romanticizing the big goal gives us something to daydream about instead of doing the work.
7. Constantly talking about your problems while changing nothing.
It’s good to look for support when you are going through a hard time. Maybe you need emotional support, or maybe you just need an outside perspective. Sometimes, a person just wants to be heard.
However, there is a limit to that. There comes a point when you’re just focusing on complaining and dwelling in that negativity when you’re not doing anything about it.
Complaining feels like you’re doing something, but it’s superficial action because it doesn’t actually change anything.
The only thing that will change your circumstances is doing the work that’s necessary to actually make the change.
Words mean very little in the grand scheme of things.
8. Substance abuse and partying.
There’s no greater distraction in life than the variety of substances you can use to numb yourself out on.
But they don’t solve anything. They never have.
Still, some people turn to substances so that they can just not feel how they normally feel for a while.
And I don’t blame them. I have a brain that is hostile myself, so making myself numb once in a while was a better option than feeling.
But it’s not something you want to turn into a regular habit. A habit turns into a dependency, which turns into an addiction, which brings a whole new struggle.
Not only do you have to figure out the problems that you were running from before, but now you need to deal with the problem of dependency or addiction, and everything that comes with it, too.
There are few behaviors more self-destructive.
Final thoughts…
I completely understand the desire to be numb. Numbness is easier than coping with whatever struggles you may be facing.
However, it’s not a solution. It’ll only provide temporary relief for as long as the numbness lasts. Then, you find yourself turning back to the maladaptive coping skill to escape more and more often.
Don’t let yourself slide down that slippery slope.
By all means, take breaks and find relief from time to time, but don’t lose yourself in it. It’s a far too easy thing to do.
