17 Sad Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore: How To Tell For Sure

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You’ve got a bad feeling about this. Your boyfriend hasn’t been the same recently, and you’re starting to think that he doesn’t love you anymore.

And so you’re torn.

Torn between wanting to know whether his feelings have changed, and just putting your head in the sand, hoping that if you don’t face up to the situation things will just go back to the way they were before.

After all, you know that if you realize that he doesn’t love you, you’re going to have to do something about it.

Whilst extenuating circumstances mean that some people do decide to stay in loveless relationships, if you’ve got nothing tying you to this guy but your love for him, it might be time to walk away.

But before we get ahead of ourselves, the first step is to figure out whether his feelings really have changed, or if his behavior might be down to something else.

This might make for tough reading if you’re still in love with him, but if he’s fallen out of love with you then the sooner you can face up to it, the better.

Here are the key signs that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore.

1. He doesn’t take an interest in your life.

He used to be interested in your day. Your work. Your friends. Your family. Your aspirations and dreams.

You used to be able to talk for hours on end and still have more to talk about.

But lately, he just doesn’t seem to want to know.

He doesn’t ask you questions, and when he does bother to ask how your day was, he doesn’t really listen and nearly always forgets whatever you tell him.

When you take the initiative and start to tell him about what’s happened to your best friend or what your co-worker said in the office today, you can just see in his eyes that he’s not paying attention and he doesn’t find your life interesting anymore.

2. He spends as little time as possible with you.

If he doesn’t love you like he used to, then he won’t be making any effort to spend time with you.

He’ll always be at work, or with his friends, or his family, and he won’t try to include you in his social life.

If you live together, he might be in the house but totally in his own world.

Having your own space is important in any relationship, but if he’s constantly glued to his work, a TV series, or a game, and the two of you aren’t even eating together or unwinding together in the evenings like you used to, then there’s definitely something going on.

3. He doesn’t make you a priority.

When a man loves you, you know about it because you’re a massive part of his world. He might have a busy life and other commitments, but he’ll still prioritize you to some extent.

If you’ve realized that you’re now at the bottom of his list of priorities after his work, friends, family, hobbies and maybe even his dog, then his feelings for you aren’t what they should be.

4. He makes plans that don’t include you.

It is, of course, very important for a couple to both have their own interests and friends, and not just let the relationship take over.

But he’s now taking that to the next level. He’s always making plans with his friends and family that you’re never a part of.

He keeps himself busy in the evenings and at weekends so he doesn’t have to be around you and think about or face up to the fact that he doesn’t love you.

5. He doesn’t initiate contact.

In the first flush of love, most couples tend to speak to each other 24/7. If they’re not with each other, they’re in digital contact.

And it’s normal for that to calm down a bit as the relationship progresses and the two of you relax into it and are more sure of how the other feels.

But it’s when he relaxes too much that it can be a bad sign.

If you find that you’re always the one checking in, sending him messages during the day, and suggesting phone calls when you’re apart, then there could be something wrong.

6. He’s not affectionate.

Your boyfriend just isn’t physically affectionate to you anymore.

Maybe he was never particularly touchy-feely, or maybe he used to snuggle up to you in bed every night, but either way, now he’s not affectionate at all.

And he doesn’t respond well if you try to show him affection either, shaking you off, clamming up, or outright telling you he’d rather you didn’t.

There can be other reasons that guys will stop being affectionate with you, especially if they’re stressed or going through a tough time, but changes like this are a definite warning sign that something’s not right.

7. He’s not interested in sex.

Whatever your sex life used to look like, it’s now completely unrecognizable. He doesn’t seem to be interested in having sex with you anymore.

Sex is an incredibly intimate act, and if he doesn’t love you anymore but hasn’t come to terms with it, he might be worried that kind of intimacy will completely throw him off.

Maybe he responds if you initiate things, but it’s probably pretty mechanical and detached.

But maybe he makes excuses and finds ways to get out of it if you make it clear you want to get him into bed.

And maybe you’ve been struggling to initiate things anyway, knowing that something’s not right between you.

8. He doesn’t notice your appearance.

He used to love it when you dressed up for a night out or would tell you when you were glowing.

But now, he never seems to notice. You feel like you could shave your head and he wouldn’t even comment on it.

9. You never have any quality time together.

If a relationship is going to work out, you both need to work at it, and that involves setting aside date nights or time when you’re exclusively focused on each other, with no distractions.

He might be willing to watch a film with you, as you won’t have to talk, but it’s clear he’s trying to avoid having to sit opposite you at a restaurant and actually have a proper conversation.

10. He blows hot and cold.

If he’s realized he no longer loves you or is trying to fight that fact, he’s probably on a bit of a rollercoaster ride, and you’ll be on the receiving end of that.

He’ll be swinging between feeling like he’s still in love with you and realizing that there’s something missing. When he’s feeling the former, he’ll probably be loving and affectionate toward you out of the blue.

And then when he realizes the latter, he’ll suddenly turn cold on you, or start snapping at you out of the frustration he’s feeling.

You’ll be able to tell he’s in a bad head space.

Of course, blowing hot and cold can also mean he’s dealing with other issues, but if it’s in combination with other things on this list then it doesn’t bode well. 

11. He’s always annoyed at you.

You just can’t do anything right anymore. He’s always getting irritated by the smallest things, and the quirks that he used to love about you know just seem to get on his nerves.

And, he doesn’t bother to hide his annoyance. He’s always making hurtful, throwaway remarks that cut you deep. He could only really do that if he didn’t love you anymore.

12. He will talk you down in front of others.

He doesn’t just make these remarks in private. He’s also happy to criticize you and your behavior or make ‘jokes’ about you in front of other people, knocking your self-confidence.

13. He’s not willing to go out of his way for you.

Back when you were first in love, he’d do pretty much anything to make you happy. He’d anticipate your needs, and if you asked him to do you a favor he’d be more than willing.

But now, he couldn’t be less willing. He makes it seem like you’re asking him for the world when you make the smallest request, and he’s always able to come up with excuses for why he can’t or won’t help.

14. He won’t compromise for you.

When you love someone, you recognize that you both have different wants and needs and make the effort to find a middle ground.

But he won’t do that anymore. Increasingly, it’s your boyfriend’s way or the highway.

15. He doesn’t talk about the future.

The days of the two of you dreaming about where you might live, the kids you might have, or the adventures you might go on are over.

He now manages to swerve any conversations about the future, both near and distant, because he just doesn’t believe there will be one anymore. 

16. He doesn’t want to work on things.

Perhaps you’ve already tried to speak to him about what’s been going on in your relationship.

If he’s still in love with you, then his reaction to your concerns should be to explain what’s been causing his behavior and to talk about how the two of you can work through it.

But if he just shuts off and refuses to engage or discuss your problems, then that’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t love you anymore.

17. Your gut is telling you something’s not right.

Okay, so our guts don’t always tell us the truth, and we can sometimes start worrying someone doesn’t love us anymore just because of our low self-esteem.

If he’s having a bad time at work or with his family, then that can cause him to be distracted and distant toward you, even if it has nothing to do with you whatsoever. 

But if deep down there’s something telling you he’s fallen out of love with you, then to unpack that feeling and see where it’s coming from.

If it’s just your paranoia, that’s something you need to work on.

If you’re convinced it’s something more, trust your gut and think about your next step.

Still not sure whether your boyfriend loves you or not? It’s not an easy situation to be in, and it might be all the more difficult if you don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Talking to someone is a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

We really recommend you speak to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and offer well-considered advice to help you figure out what he might be feeling and what it means for the future of your relationship.

A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.

While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people – both couples and individuals – try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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About Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.