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If you’ve recently gone through a breakup and you think your ex has lingering feelings for you, you might be wondering how to tell if they definitely do still love you.
We’ve put together a list of 15 simple signs to look out for to help you figure it out…
1. They still keep in touch.
If you and your ex are still on speaking terms – wow! This is pretty hard for a lot of couples, as there are often unresolved feelings, or just bad feelings, between two people who’ve broken up.
There’s a chance your ex still has feelings for you if they still message you, you still see each other in a group of friends, or they still call you for a chat.
Now, everyone is different, and some couples genuinely do stay friends after they breakup. However, if yours is still making an effort to speak to you and include you in their life, it might be because they’ve not really moved on.
They find it too hard to accept that you’re not together, so they’re creating a situation where you still regularly interact. That way, they can almost fool themselves that you’re still together.
If you’re talking to each other a few times a week, or you’re chatting on the phone for an hour or so, there’s probably something still there for them!
2. They’ve tried it on when drunk.
When we’re drunk, some of us say and do things we would never do when we’re sober! Others are their most honest, truest, selves when they’re drunk. You know which one your ex is…
If they’ve made a move on you when they’ve been drinking, it might be because they still love you or have feelings for you.
They’re doing an okay job of keeping it together when they’re sober, but when their inhibitions and boundaries are lowered, they can’t hold back any longer.
This might mean that they’re simply lonely and drunk and want some attention; or it could be because they still want you.
3. They ‘joke’ about you getting back together.
Most ‘I’m just joking!’ jokes are far from jokes. They’re our way of testing the waters, seeing what reaction we get, and having a back-up or defense ready in case what we say isn’t well-received.
If your ex has made a few jokey comments about getting back together, or even hooking up, they might be trying to gauge how you feel about it.
They’re maybe scared to just come out and tell you they miss you and still have feelings for you, so they’re hiding behind something jokey and silly.
They might laugh about how you’re ‘basically on a date’ if you’ve met up for a drink or coffee. Maybe they joke about how you’re going to end up together when you’re 80, or regularly make comments that imply getting back together.
Either way, they’re likely trying to see how you feel about the situation, and, if you don’t seem on-board, they brush it off and pretend they were kidding the whole time.
4. They’ve not dated anyone since you broke up.
If your ex doesn’t seem to have moved on, it’s probably because they haven’t.
Not everyone gets back on the dating scene straightaway, or ends up in a relationship quickly, we know. However, if it’s very clear that they have zero interest in dating anyone or getting on apps or even talking about the idea of getting back out there, it might be because they aren’t over you.
They might be in denial about the fact that things are over between you – dating again after your breakup means that they really are single now, and they might not want to accept that.
Equally, they might just need more time to grieve the relationship – this likely means your ex is still in love with you and hasn’t gotten closure yet.
They might also be holding out in the hope that you will get back together – they want to make sure they’re single in case you want to start up the relationship again.
And they might not want you to think they are over you – them not dating is their way of telling you that they still want you!
If they still have feelings for you, they want to be ready to act on them, which is why they have to stay single… just in case.
5. They’re always reminiscing about the relationship.
If they start talking about things you did together, or find ways to work them into conversation, your ex might still be in love with you and is testing the waters.
It’s normal to reminisce and it’s healthy to look back at a relationship fondly, but it might be going too far…
If your ex is going out of their way to talk about your relationship, or talks about ‘the good old days,’ they’re trying to let you know that they still want to be with you.
They’re hoping that by reminding you of how great things were when you were together, you’ll change your mind and want them back.
Again, they might also be in denial about the fact that you’re no longer together. This could be a self-protective kind of thing, in that they’re trying to convince both you and themselves that things are fine and you’re going to get back together.
6. They get jealous if you mention someone new.
Ever feel like your ex gets a bit weird if you even mention being on a dating app?
This is one of the hardest parts of being friends with your ex – if they are still in love with you, or have even vague feelings for you, they will never want to see you move on.
You might notice that they get upset or snappy when you mention dating, or that they make mean ‘jokes’ if they see you on a dating app. If they’re trying to make you feel bad for dating, they probably still care about you.
You might notice that they try to make you feel guilty, and may suggest that it’s unfair or ‘too soon’ to start dating again.
Equally, they might try to make you feel insecure, by saying things like ‘good luck with those photos,’ for example, if they see you on Tinder or Hinge.
This is their way of trying to bring you down so that you give up on dating – and go back to them. It’s unhealthy and toxic, and it shows that your ex is still in love with you.
7. Their friends think it too.
If you don’t really stay in touch with your ex, you might not have a clue how they’re feeling. Luckily, those closest to them will…
Their friends might make throwaway comments when your ex isn’t around, and may say things like ‘they’re not over you’ or ‘they talk about you all the time.’ This is them hinting that their friend still has feelings for you.
They might be saying it because your ex has asked them to drop hints and test the waters to see how you react. Equally, they might be saying it because they want you to know that your ex isn’t doing well with the breakup.
Either way, if your ex’s friends think that they still like you, there’s a pretty strong chance that they do! Friends often know us better than we know ourselves, after all.
8. They get flirty sometimes.
We’ve mentioned the ex that gets drunk and makes a move on you, but what about the ones who kind of linger around and get a bit too friendly – sober?
Your ex might not be making a move on you, but they’re definitely crossing the friendship line.
Maybe they hold eye contact for that second too long, or they find excuses to be close to you and touch you – like squeezing past you in a bar, or always sitting next to you when you hang out with mutual friends.
They might make flirty comments, or their body language might just be giving off a vibe that they’re trying to attract your attention.
Take the fact that they’re your ex out of the equation for a second. If this was a stranger on a first date acting this way, would you think they were into you? If the answer is yes, there’s a good chance that your ex is also still into you.
9. They’re still trying to impress you.
You might notice that your ex is acting in a way that ‘just friends’ don’t. They might be showing off in front of you, like name-dropping or talking about all the great things they’ve been doing. They might be seeking your approval or showboating.
Maybe they go out of their way to make sure you know what they’re doing, or it just feels like what they’re saying is for your benefit.
If they know you love guys who are into sports, they might be loudly talking about how fit they’re getting and all the games they now get to watch.
They might be showing off by ordering bottles of wine for the table when you’re out with mutual friends, or posting on social media about how great their life is. Either way, they want you to notice them!
10. They make an effort to show they’ve changed.
If they think that you broke up because you weren’t compatible, your ex might not be going out of their way to show that they’ve taken all of that on board.
For example, if you loved football while you were together but your ex was never fussed, they might now be making it very clear that they now love football too.
If you used to argue because they didn’t want to go vegan, they might go out of their way to show you that they’ve changed in order to impress you – making a big deal of checking their meal will be vegan at a restaurant, for example, or loudly announcing that they’ve swapped to dairy-free milks.
If they’re trying to get your attention and make sure you know how amazing they are, it’s probably because they still have feelings for you and want to convince you to come back to them.
11. They were surprised when things ended.
Your ex’s behavior now is important, but so is their behavior when things first ended.
If they were surprised or shocked when things ended, they might not be over it yet.
Even when we end a relationship ourselves, it can take us time to heal and be okay – we all need to grieve the loss of the relationship and the person, the ideas and hopes we had for our lives together.
This is so much harder to do when it comes out of the blue. If your ex wasn’t expecting things to end, they might have had a hard time processing it – and, as such, are still not over you.
12. They often text out of the blue.
Whether you and your ex still chat as friends or haven’t spoken since things ended, this is a key sign to look out for.
Does your ex randomly pop up with messages? Maybe they send photos and say ‘this made me think of you,’ or ‘remember when we took this photo together?’
They might ask for your advice on something that they absolutely could ask someone else – or even just Google!
If they seem to be texting you for no real reason, they might still be in love with you and are just finding excuses to chat.
You might notice that the texts get more and more personal – they might have started off like ‘do you think I should buy these shoes?’ or ‘I need help with this project for work,’ but now they’re more like ‘what was the name of that movie we saw on our first date?’ or ‘this reminds me of our weekend in Barcelona.’
If they’re finding ways to reach out to you or are making excuses just so they can text, they probably still have feelings for you.
13. They keep ‘accidentally’ bumping into you.
Ever feel like your ex is just… always around?!
They know you, after all, so they might start timing their morning coffee at the same cafe they know you go to – at the exact time you head there after your 9am yoga class.
If they seem to be popping up all over the place, it might not be a coincidence. They might be hanging around hoping to see you, even if they don’t actually come over to say hello.
Maybe you’ve seen them hanging out in the bars you used to go to together, or they’ve changed their commute to walk past your house. Either way, it’s not a coincidence if it keeps happening – they want to see you because they still love you.
14. They’re all over your social media.
If your ex watches all your Instagram stories, they’re lurking around in the background keeping tabs on you. If they wanted to do this secretly, they’d find a way.
They might want you to notice that they view your stories, or they might be checking to see if you’re dating someone new.
They might be bold enough to like your photos or send ‘reactions’ to your stories. This is their way of letting you know they’re still around – probably because they’re still interested in you.
15. You just have a feeling…
Never dismiss a gut feeling – especially when it comes to relationships!
Okay, they’re not bombarding you with messages or lurking around every cafe you’ve ever been to, but… you just get the vibe that they’re not over you.
It might be something as subtle as their tone of voice around you, or an off-handed comment, but you can tell there’s something going on. Maybe they can’t quite meet your eyes when you run into them, or maybe they’re holding eye contact for too long.
You know what your ex is like, and you’ll know what their ‘tells’ are more than anyone else. You know when they’re hiding something or being shifty, and you know when they’re in full-on ‘charmer’ mode and they’re trying to impress you.
Use that knowledge to figure out what’s really going on…
Breakups are hard, no matter who ended things, and it can take us all different amounts of time to get over them and move on.
There is every chance that your ex is still in love with you, especially if they’re finding excuses to be around you, talk to you, ‘bump’ into you…
If you think they might still have feelings for you, you’re probably right.
Now that you know what’s going on, you can decide what to do – either openly talk to them and make it clear how you feel, which might help them get closure and move on, or ignore it and hope that they find a way to move on themselves.
Or, if you think things might work out if you gave it another go, you can approach them with confidence that they probably want the same.
Still not sure how your ex feels? Want to get them back? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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- 14 Fundamental Reasons Why Relationships Fail: Common Causes Of Breakups
- Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much? The Pain Of A Relationship Ending.
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