The start of a new relationship is full of excitement and butterflies, but it can also involve a lot of uncertainty and confusion too.
We’re told that when you meet the right person, a relationship is easy and will just naturally fall into place.
But that’s not always the case.
It takes work to develop a relationship from that initial attraction to something much deeper and longer lasting.
Even if you find it easy meeting men and hooking up, do you feel as though you struggle to get beyond that?
Or maybe you’re still looking for Mr. Right and just don’t understand how to go from liking someone to making it into any sort of relationship at all.
An emotional attraction with a man isn’t as simple to create as a physical one. You can’t just put on some nice clothes and do your hair and suddenly make a relationship happen. There isn’t some secret formula, and unfortunately, some of the people you think you have an emotional connection with aren’t going to feel the same way.
Creating an emotional attraction with a man is a lot to do with time, place, and luck, but that’s not to say there aren’t some things you can do to help.
Whether you can’t seem to get your relationships to that deeper, emotional level, or you just don’t have much experience with relationships at all, keep reading for some tips on how to build that emotional attraction you’re looking for.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you create a lasting emotional attraction with a guy. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
1. Use physical touch to create intimacy.
If you’re not sure how to show someone you like them and take that initial attraction to the next level, the first and easiest thing to try is to introduce more physical touch into the relationship.
Take any opportunity you get to put your arm around him or brush past him. Pat some imaginary fluff away from his shirt or lead him somewhere by taking his hand.
Keep the interactions casual and quick. Introducing more physical touch between you will increase the level of intimacy in your relationship as you become both physically and metaphorically closer.
It’s a simple and effective way to gradually increase the chemistry between you, elevating what might be a friendship right now to a more emotional connection.
2. Compliment him.
Having a positive attitude toward the man you like is key to building the foundation of a strong emotional attachment.
People who radiate positivity are more attractive to be around and naturally make you feel good. Although we’ve all heard of the playground tactics of throwing insults and put downs at the person you fancy to get their attention, this reverse psychology can be received badly and end up heading too far in the wrong direction.
But everyone loves a compliment, even if they don’t know how to take one. So try when you can to compliment the man you like and be that positive influence on their confidence when they’re around you.
Pick your timing carefully. If you just continuously throw compliments at him then they will start to sound insincere. But try to become the person he wants to be around because you make him feel at his best.
As his confidence grows and he appreciates the positive influence you have on him, his emotional attachment toward you will grow too until he can’t imagine being without you.
3. Don’t jump into bed with him too quickly.
If you keep finding that your relationships burn out quickly, before you’re able to develop much of an emotional connection with a man you like, it could be because you’re having sex too early on in the relationship.
You might feel the pressure to have sex with a guy you like to ‘keep him’ or make him like you more, but a person shouldn’t be with you just because they think you’ll have sex with them. You’re worth much more than that.
Jumping into the physical side of things too early can make the relationship very intense very quickly and could make it fizzle out quickly too. Once the excitement and exploration of the honeymoon phase wears off, if you haven’t built that emotional connection in the first place, there won’t be a strong enough attraction to keep you together and your relationship may fall apart.
To have sex or not and at what time is a totally personal decision. And it’s not to say your relationship won’t work if you have sex right from the start; for many people it does. But make sure you wait until you’re comfortable to take that next step to become more physically intimate. Don’t feel pressured into it.
Try to build more of an emotional connection first by going on dates, doing different activities together, and finding out about the person they are. Building that substance to your relationship is crucial to the emotional attraction between you growing and becoming the longer lasting connection you’re looking for.
4. Make sure your relationship isn’t just physical.
Sex is an important part of a relationship, and is definitely one of the ways you can make a connection on a more intimate level with someone.
But if your relationship has been mostly physical and you’re struggling to make it into anything more permanent, you could need to spend some more time getting to know each other on a more emotional level.
Do you ever just have a conversation or a date that isn’t centered around the bedroom? Once you’ve had sex, do you still give each other your attention or do you switch off and do your own thing?
If you’re looking for more out of this relationship, you need to make an effort to talk to each other, and not make every conversation about body image or sex.
When you go on a date, try getting out of the house and doing something different together. You’ll learn more about how you act around each other when you’re out of your comfort zones.
Seeing different sides to each other, away from just a purely physical relationship, will help to develop the bond between you. The closer you get with each other outside the bedroom, the better your already thriving sex life will become. It’s a win-win situation, so why not give it a try?
5. Commit to this relationship.
If you really want a relationship to work with someone, you have to take a leap of faith and commit to it.
You have to commit knowing that you could get hurt and it might not work out, but that the way you feel is worth pursuing this despite the risk.
By committing, it means that you’re not still scanning the room for someone else who might take your interest. If you’ve been dating multiple people but really want it to work with one of them, you need to cut ties with the rest and focus your attention on just him.
You can’t build a deeper and more emotional attraction with someone if your attention is split between them and other people. They will soon see through you and realize that you aren’t fully committed to them, and your relationship won’t progress any further.
He won’t feel comfortable opening up to you if you can’t commit your time and attention to him, and you won’t build the level of trust between you needed to spark that emotional, not just physical attraction.
The idea of it not working out and getting hurt can be scary and put you off committing to just one person. But if you want a more emotionally fulfilling relationship, it’s a chance you have to take.
6. Talk to each other and get to know him.
Have you actually tried talking to him? Properly?
Think about the conversations you’ve had and the time you’ve shared together. How much do you actually know about this guy?
Is your relationship focused around sex? Or work? Or an activity? Do you ever spend time together just hearing what they think, how they view the world and what they do or don’t like?
If you have had lots of conversations but still don’t know that much about them, think about whether or not you try to lead and dominate the conversation. Even if he doesn’t give much away, you could try moving the conversation onto topics you know he feels more comfortable with, or asking questions about him. Let him have time to talk and open up if he wants to.
If he doesn’t want to talk about anything personal, then at least engage in topics about the same things you like or subjects you know he does. Talking and laughing with each other, and showing that he can trust and confide in you, will strengthen the relationship you already share.
By building a connection through trust and friendship, you’ll naturally be building an emotional attraction too.
7. Take an interest in his hobbies.
If you want to develop more of an emotional attraction with the man you like, try joining him on one of his favorite pastimes or letting him plan a date doing something he likes.
Try to encourage him to talk about subjects he enjoys and be enthusiastic about joining him to do something he’s good at, even if it’s new to you.
You may not have much of an interest in his hobbies, whether that’s playing basketball, listening to certain music, or even cooking. But whatever it is, try to be open to getting to know more about it for his sake. And have a positive attitude to trying it out. You might enjoy it.
This isn’t about trying to make his hobbies your new favorite thing; it’s about showing him that you’re interested in him by joining him on activities he enjoys and getting to know all the different aspects of his life. You’re showing that you can be supportive and open to embracing him and everything that makes him who he is.
While you’re doing something he enjoys together, you’ll find that he’s more relaxed because he’s in his comfort zone. It’s the perfect opportunity to learn more about him while he’s in his element and more likely to open up to you.
It’s fun to take the opportunity to try new things, even if they aren’t your cup of tea. Show him that he can trust you to support his interests, and that you don’t want to change the person he is.
8. Be thoughtful and show you care.
Organizing little surprises and showing you care about the person you like is an easy way to encourage more of an emotional attachment between you.
You don’t have to do anything big. It’s about showing that you’ve listened whenever he’s mentioned something about himself and maybe cooked his favorite meal or got tickets to his favorite team or concert.
It can be as simple as waiting for him with a coffee ready first thing in the morning or bringing his favorite snack to a date.
He’ll notice how thoughtful you are and hopefully be encouraged to do the same for you, gradually putting your own needs front and center of his mind. He’ll appreciate you more because of your caring nature and the fact that you’re there to support him both when he knows he needs it and when he doesn’t.
It’s always nice to feel as though someone cares about you and it’s not something to take for granted. These little gestures will gradually show him what a great person you are and hopefully ignite a more emotional attraction from him toward you.
9. Listen to him.
This sounds simple and you probably think that you’re doing this already. But it’s amazing how much we don’t actually listen to what someone is saying, even when we think we are.
You want to show that you can be his confidant and provide emotional support when he needs it. This will grow the trust and connection there is between you into more of a relationship.
So when the opportunity arises and he seems to be opening up to you, try to avoid these common mistakes:
First of all, don’t talk over him. Even if you have a similar experience that you want to share or you’re trying to show that you understand by commenting, hold yourself back from saying anything until he’s finished speaking. It might be difficult for him to open up like this, and as harmless as you think your comments are, it could put him off and make him feel as though you’re trying to take over the conversation.
Next, remember that you don’t have to try to ‘fix’ him all the time. There might be times when he’s actively looking for advice, but sometimes you just need someone to talk to. Listening to someone isn’t always about resolving the issue, it’s about letting them talk and share the emotions they’re feeling, without interruption or judgment.
The more he feels as though he can do this with you, the more invaluable you’ll become to him. It’s great to have someone you can trust and rely on to be there for you no matter what. It will only ever strengthen the emotional attachment you have as you become their go-to person in the good times and the bad.
10. Don’t overshare too early.
If you’re eager to make a man fall in love with you, you could be forgiven for thinking that the best way to do this is to be totally transparent with him and share all of your innermost thoughts.
You think that by sharing your personal history and secrets that it will somehow bring you both closer and create that emotional attraction between you.
Sadly, it’s not usually as easy as this. Just because you have strong feelings for him and are ready to open up your life to him, it doesn’t mean he feels the same. If you overshare too early, it could push him away, causing him to run while he still can.
Getting too personal too early is too much for anyone, let alone someone who might not be as emotionally available as you are.
Talking about heavy, personal topics can put pressure on your relationship by weighing it down with the responsibility of holding the secrets you’ve shared. If your relationship is still new, it will squash any lighthearted fun out of it and make it become too serious too fast.
You don’t want to overwhelm the man or be off-putting, so try not to overthink your conversations. Let them happen naturally as you get to know each other better, and you will see that you become closer and learn more about each other in the process.
The more you try to force an emotional attraction, the less likely one is going to develop between you. The best thing you can do is to act natural and be patient, resisting the urge to hurry the process of getting to know each other.
11. Let the relationship develop at it’s natural pace.
Just as you’re going to need to stop yourself from oversharing too early, you might need to take a step back from trying to force this relationship.
Yes, you like this guy, and you want to show him how much you care. Because of this, it can be tempting to move your relationship along faster than it’s natural pace by trying to force that emotional attraction. But this can be the exact reason it falls apart.
He’ll either be put off by you coming on too strong when he doesn’t feel the same way just yet, or he’ll get bored quickly because your efforts are sucking the fun out of the relationship.
If you really want to develop a lasting emotional connection with someone, you have to let the relationship develop at its own pace, even if that’s slower than you’d like.
He might be getting over a past relationship or not be at a point in his life where he’s looking for something serious. He might just see you as a friend and not see you in the way you want him to just yet. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a connection there between you and the possibility of it becoming something much more.
Don’t try to force your time together or be the person you think he wants you to be. Make sure you’re keeping your independence and own circle of friends and hobbies and not dropping everything just for him. If what you have is meant to be, it will happen, you just need to give it time for the feelings to grow.
12. Maintain your independence.
Being too available doesn’t help to build a relationship with someone. You have to allow time for feelings and emotional attachment to develop, and you can achieve this by respecting each other as individuals.
You might be eager to show that you’re there for the man you like, and want to spend as much time with him as you can. But it’s important to have your own independence, your own social group and hobbies, and to not bend your life to fit around his too early. This helps maintain a balance and build a healthy emotional attachment.
Spending time apart from him will help you get a clearer perspective on how the both of you feel. And doing something for yourself will recharge your self-confidence and happiness which will then radiate out toward him.
Spending time apart can also give him a chance to realize how much he misses you when you’re not together. The time you do spend talking or dating then becomes that much more intense and enjoyable for both of you, helping that emotional attraction to grow.
Part of developing a relationship is making sure you don’t lose yourself in the process. You should magnify the best qualities of each other, not have to give them up to make someone like you. Keep your own happiness as a top priority and the other parts of your relationship will fall into place.
13. Be strategically vulnerable around him.
If you want to show a man that you are someone he can trust and open up to, you might have to make the first move.
He’s not going to feel comfortable being open and emotionally vulnerable around you if you can’t do the same back to him.
If you are being reserved and not letting down your own emotional barriers, why should you expect anything different from him? While you’re at this stalemate, your relationship can’t progress.
You don’t want to go over the top and start spilling all of your thoughts and feelings all the time. If he’s not very emotional himself, this would be overwhelming and drain the fun out of your relationship, putting too much pressure on the both of you.
But you can show him that it’s okay to be emotionally vulnerable by revealing snippets of personal information about yourself and letting your own walls down just a touch.
By not bombarding him with deep, heavy conversations, the times that you do open up to him will have more impact. He’ll notice that you obviously trust him enough to share more personal feelings and memories with him and encourage him to do the same, building that emotional attraction you’re looking for.
14. Accept that he might show his emotions in a different way.
Have you considered that you could be worrying about nothing? That you think you can’t develop an emotional attraction with a man but that’s not actually the case?
Have you thought about what an ’emotional attraction’ with someone actually looks like to you? Are you expecting a man to act in a specific way? What is it that he needs to do to show you he likes you physically or as a friend?
You may need to consider that different people show their feelings in different ways. Just because you expect someone you like to act in a certain way if he feels something because that’s what you do, it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.
He may not be as outwardly emotional as you or find it difficult to express his emotions in an obvious way. For example, the way you show that you’re emotionally connected to someone might be to verbally compliment them and tell them so. He, on the other hand, might show his affection by giving you gifts and surprising you with dates.
You might think that physical touch and flirting is an indication of how much someone likes you, whereas, he might show he cares by being protective over you or wanting to spend quality time at home.
Try to learn more about this man to see what makes him tick. The way you express your love could be different for the both of you and it’s worth looking into what your Love Language is to understand each other better.
He may not be showing you he’s emotionally attracted to you in the way you expect, but that doesn’t mean he’s not showing you at all. Take a closer look at the way he is around you and see if what you’re looking for has been there in its own way all along.
15. Allow him to get to know the real you.
We always want to make a good first impression when we’re dating someone new. We dress up, tell our best stories, and are careful not to embarrass ourselves by letting our guard down too much.
To be caught out on a date, even if it’s a casual one, without a pre-planned outfit, hair or makeup done is a no no for the majority of people. But there has to be a point when the veil is finally lifted and you begin to relax in front of this person that you like.
You’re human, and you’re not meant to be perfect all the time. If you can’t relax in front of the person you fancy, they’re never going to get to know the real you.
If you struggle to create an emotional attraction with a guy, think about the persona you’re presenting to them. Are you allowing them to know the girl underneath the makeup, the hair, the jokes, the perfect poise? Can you be imperfect around him and let him meet the real you, where you might not always say or do the right thing, but you are being yourself?
An emotional attraction is more than a physical attraction. An emotional attraction can’t be encouraged if you don’t let your real personality show and only act how you want to be perceived.
You can tell when someone isn’t being genuine and this man will soon lose interest if that’s the case. Be brave and be yourself. If they don’t like you for who you really are, no amount of faking it is going to give you the emotional connection you want.
16. Consider whether you are really right for each other.
Just because you don’t feel as though you manage to get past that initial first attraction with a man for it to become anything more, it doesn’t necessarily mean the problem lies with you.
Even if you’ve been seeing a guy for a while and you want your relationship to progress, his reluctance could be telling you that he’s just not on the same page.
Not being able to develop an emotional connection with a man doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or the way you’re doing things. It could simply be that you haven’t found the right person yet.
Not getting further in your relationships could be a blessing in disguise, preventing you from getting your heart broken by a man who wouldn’t make you happy in the end.
An emotional attraction can’t be forced. It may take a little time to develop, but if you’ve given it that, and tried your best to allow your relationship to progress naturally and it’s not, then the attraction just might not be there.
It can be hard to accept if it’s a guy you really like, but it’s better to get out of the relationship now rather than waste your time trying to make something work that isn’t meant to.
Above all, try not to let it knock your confidence if things don’t seem to work out for you. When you meet the right person, the emotional attraction will develop naturally and won’t feel difficult to make happen, and that’s how you’ll know you’ve met someone worth keeping.
A big part of building an emotional attraction with someone is allowing the time to get to know each other properly. Emotional attachment isn’t something that can be rushed or faked and can take a while to develop.
But it’s the foundation that will turn into the love that will keep your relationship strong and lasting if you make it together.
Overthinking how to make a relationship happen can often be the obstacle that’s ruining it for you, because you’re not allowing yourself to be genuine and letting the connection you have with someone develop at its own natural pace.
Just because you want an emotional attraction to develop with someone, doesn’t mean it necessarily will. You’re not always going to pick the right partner, and as you get to know each other, it will become clear whether or not you’re really compatible.
As disappointing as it will feel at the time, the fact that you can’t develop that emotional connection between you is a sign that it’s not meant to be. In this scenario, it’s best to accept the facts and try to move on, because trying to make something work that isn’t right will only cause you more pain later on.
You won’t know when you’ve developed an emotional attraction to each other; it’s not something that just happens one day. A real emotional attraction will develop without you even seeing it until, one day, you realize you don’t want to be without each other.
You can try your hardest to be encouraging to the man you like, but really, the best thing you can do to make this relationship into something more is to let go, stop worrying, and be yourself.
If he likes you for who you are and you feel the same way, then an emotional connection will grow, whether you’re trying to make it or not. You just have to stop trying to take control and force the situation and trust that what is meant to be will happen.
Still not sure how to create an emotional attraction with a guy? If you always struggle to build that deeper connection with a man and you really want to get it right, it can help to have an expert guide you through the process and give you tips and encouragement along the way. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.
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