Dating Is Exhausting – Here’s How To Cope

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There are thousands and thousands of people looking to date, and you only need one. But picking them out of such a big crowd can be exhausting, to say the least.

Trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right might be stressing you out, and this can lead to dating fatigue.

You’re facing a dilemma: you want to find love but you are kind of over the whole dating thing.

So, what can you do? How can you stop feeling so drained by the dating scene? Keep reading to find out.

How To Prevent Dating Fatigue And Burnout

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1. Take a break from dating.

Whenever something starts being exhausting, you need to stop doing it, at least for a short while. So, take a break from dating and come back to it once you’re recharged, refreshed, and re-energized.

Remind yourself of all the other aspects of your life, not just your pursuit of the right match. If dating is tiring you out, diagnose yourself with dating fatigue. Write a prescription for everyday pursuits and hobbies. Focus on yourself, relax, and…

2. Take it slow and steady.

You’re not in a rush. If you feel rushed and under pressure to get into a relationship, take a step back. Engage in self-care instead of rushing into something, because forcing it to happen will just ruin it.

You don’t want to rush to meet the right person, nor should you rush to move things forward with them. This sounds so simple, but it’s something a lot of us struggle with. That is why you need to learn to be a complete person on your own, and to fight the desperate need for a companion when it occurs.

Remember, time is money, and money often determines value, so value your time, and other people’s willingness or unwillingness to give it.

3. Be okay with being rejected.

You’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay—you’ll be someone’s cocaine. That person will become hooked on you, but in a good way!

One day, someone will walk into your life and show you why things didn’t work out with anyone else before them. It’s all leading somewhere, so relax, don’t make a big deal out of being rejected, and gracefully move on.

4. Reject people you don’t like.

Hey, they’re not the only ones doing the rejecting, and you should always remember that! You pick too—you’re not just waiting to be picked up in a bar, you’re choosing who’ll get the chance to even talk to you.

Some people will reject you, yes, but you will also need to reject others. This might be difficult, because why wouldn’t you accept an offer for something that you’re looking for?

Is it what you’re looking for though? Or are you just being kind because you’re afraid of breaking their heart? Maybe you’re even getting to the point where you’re willing to settle.

Don’t let this happen. Reject people you don’t like. Remind yourself of this whenever you’re the one being rejected. It’s not you, it’s not them, it’s what’s in between that’s either there or not there.

5. Learn from every experience.

Everything you experience can teach you something if you’re willing to learn from it. Dating app fatigue usually happens when you overdo it. You keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again all the while hoping for a different outcome.

Things aren’t going to magically change overnight unless you do something about it. So, see dating as a learning experience, not a shortcut to your desired outcome.

Learn about your standards, other people’s interests, your likes and dislikes, and your dealbreakers. Figure out what you really want. Try to connect with a person on a deeper level before deciding whether you want to keep them around or if it’s just a fling or a waste of time.

6. Have a life outside of your love life.

When we become too focused on one aspect of our lives, we tend to neglect the other ones. You could become obsessed with your love life to the point that you don’t think about anything else. This decreases your chances of successfully dating, whether it’s online or in person. In addition, it could harm the other aspects of your life.

Don’t forget about your loved ones and your hobbies either. Make sure that you have a life that anyone would love to be a part of; don’t just wait for someone to make your life that way. It’s your life, and you don’t need someone to fix you or save you. You need someone to be a part of the great life you’ve got going on.

7. Work on self-improvement.

Occupy your mind with other things to avoid becoming obsessed with your love life. The best way to do this is to focus on self-improvement. Think about all your positive qualities. Surely there are a lot of them, so take stock of them for a minute.

Once you do that, consider which areas need improvement and what makes it harder for you to love yourself. Maybe you could learn to be more compassionate, start working out, or dedicate more time to your career.

You can even write down the things that would describe the best possible version of yourself, turn them into goals, and start crossing them off your list. Once you do, those potential matches will come knocking on your door. And your newfound confidence will allow you to take a more casual approach to dating.

8. Learn to be more independent and less needy.

Working on self-improvement is important no matter how you go about it. However, the best way to prevent unnecessary dating mistakes is to work on being more independent and less needy. No one wants a desperate partner.

It makes sense to want someone who will love you and that you can love back. But remember, they need to love you back. And for your relationship to be healthy, you also need to stay two separate human beings who synch in harmony rather than turn into one giant joined bubble.

9. Love yourself and value your alone time.

You really do need to love yourself to have a healthy relationship. Accept yourself for who you are and enjoy your own company. If it’s hard for you to do this, consider talking to a therapist about it.

Don’t desperately need anyone’s company, and if you do, get a pet as a loyal companion. See yourself the way your pet looks at you and realize that you’re awesome.

Take some time to reflect on your own thoughts, meditate, play a video game, comb your hair, or do anything else that helps you enjoy your own company more. Value yourself and your alone time, even once you’re in a relationship.

10. Present yourself in the best possible light.

People can be critical, and they often judge a book by its cover. When you meet someone new, every word you choose and the way you behave and look says something to them about you. Based on this, their own personality, and the potential feelings and chemistry between you, they’ll decide whether they want to date you.

You will be doing the same thing, won’t you? That’s okay, because it doesn’t matter how you look on the outside; you need to be accepted for who you are on the inside, but all this comes later.

Initial impressions come first. They matter. The way you present yourself will directly translate into how you are perceived by others. You don’t have to be the best possible version of yourself to present yourself that way.

Fake it till you make it, and it will be okay. Stay true to yourself, but be mindful of what others think of you if you want them to like you.

11. Put your phone away.

Even if you’re not suffering from dating app fatigue and are just dating in person, it probably revolves a lot around your phone. So, put it away sometimes. Leave your phone in the other room or even turn it off. You don’t need to be constantly available and/or connected to the world, especially the dating world.

Don’t rush to send messages and respond to them. This will allow you to take time to think things through instead of acting on impulses. Writing clever messages and maintaining an air of mystery helps you to get more and better matches.

Most importantly, you need a break from men and/or women that you could potentially be into. Have some fun and spend some time with your friends. And keep in mind that starting new friendships could lead to romantic relationships as well.

12. Read more dating advice.

Dating quickly becomes the main topic in school, yet no one teaches the subject. So, don’t rely on your friends as your trusted advisors. Sure, they might offer great advice, but there are also people whose actual job it is to make sure that you get quality advice that can improve your dating experience.

Read dating-related articles on this and other websites and learn how to beat dating fatigue. For instance, instead of reaching out to another potential match while feeling exhausted by the whole thing, read about how to date online successfully.

You will find a lot of free, useful advice on this website. If that doesn’t work for you, you can always try talking a therapist. They can give you useful and tailored advice.

13. Take regular breaks.

With any kind of fatigue, it’s important to take regular breaks. This was already mentioned, but it needs to be emphasized again. When you don’t feel like searching for a partner anymore because it’s tiring you out, look for something else to do.

Get out of the room and leave your phone there. Instead of scrolling, you can play with your pet, water your plant, draw, paint, write, or cook. You could also simply go out for a walk or buy yourself something cheap that would cheer you up like your favorite candy. You could even take a bubble bath or get a massage.

Even when you’re not experiencing dating fatigue, it’s a good idea to take regular breaks so you can prevent it from happening in the first place. Don’t put all your resources (time, money, and energy) into finding the perfect match. Approach dating casually and focus more on the other areas of your life.

Remember, love often happens when you least expect it. Taking breaks gives you back your resources so you could use them more wisely and only for the chosen ones.

14. Try not to focus on it too much.

Focus on writing a good dating profile and learning more about succeeding at dating. But don’t focus too much on the process or a particular individual until you seal the deal. Even when you get into a relationship, you need to be a complete person instead of ending up in an enmeshed relationship.

Avoid becoming an extension of your partner. If you are true to yourself, believe it or not, someone will love you just as you are.

Don’t focus on the entire dating process, focus on one person worth your time and energy, someone you could actually love. Then win them over—that’s all there is to it!

15. Have standards.

Who is the person that you could love though? Is it just about anyone?

Don’t let loneliness get the better of you. Have standards and know who you’re looking for!

Is your ideal partner handsome, witty, and successful? Then don’t be with someone you don’t enjoy looking at, who doesn’t make you laugh, and who can’t lead you to the life you want to have. This is a pretty literal example, so don’t take it that seriously.

Remember that people can surprise you, so don’t stick to your standards blindly and don’t come with too many expectations. But do have standards and a clear picture of your ideal mate. Give people time to show whether they meet your standards or not, and don’t forget to consider (and reconsider) your dealbreakers.

The most important things that you need to focus on are common values and goals. This is because you and your ideal partner should look and walk in the same direction, hand in hand.

16. Know exactly what you want and stick to it.

Maybe now you know who you want, but do you know what you want? What kind of relationship are you hoping for? If you are looking for the real deal, don’t settle for a fling that might prevent you from meeting someone who could offer you what you really need. That will only tire you out.

If you are looking for a fling, be transparent about it, because, rest assured, there are plenty of people of both genders who aren’t looking to commit. However, no matter how hard it gets, try to stick to your goal and avoid breaking anyone’s heart, including your own.

17. Don’t go on too many dates at once.

It’s only natural to get exhausted if you’re constantly going on dates, most of which lead nowhere. Sure, date multiple people at the same time, but have a limit and schedule the dates on different days. Make sure to have some time in between the dates to relax, unwind, and do your own thing.

Again, it’s all about taking it slow and steady, while keeping it smooth. So, remind yourself that there’s always enough time and give your attention only to those that you think deserve it. You don’t have to go on a date just because someone invited you or just because you connected on a dating app.

18. Don’t trust the first impression too much.

You should trust your gut, but that’s not the same thing as first impressions. It takes time to get to know a person for real. Give people a chance if your gut is telling you to do so, even if they don’t seem like your type based on the first impression.

This is exactly why people go on a few dates before committing. You can’t decide whether someone is the right person for you based on the picture of their face or the suit they wear.

Get to know a person better to decide whether they’re right for you. If you don’t, someone might mislead you into thinking that they’re something they’re not. Furthermore, you could miss a diamond because you’re too busy picking out the best-looking stone.

19. Meet new people.

Don’t make all this about dating. Meet new people and let friendships develop naturally. Romance will too, whether right away or gradually through friendships.

You could meet someone anywhere—online, in class, at a club, bar, coffee shop, library, or supermarket. Be open to meeting new people and give others a chance to introduce themselves. Then decide whether there’s something there that’s worth pursuing.

20. Go on interesting dates.

Dating fatigue often happens because you get the feeling that you’re repeating the same date over and over again, as if it were Groundhog Day. Only this time, it’s not one person that you’re dating again and again, it’s the same date with a new face each time. So, take a break and unwind from dating a bit.

Afterward, ditch the standard dinner and drinks and plan interesting dates instead. Go skydiving, play chess in the park, go swimming, go hiking, sing karaoke, or bungee jump. Try wine tasting and feed each other cheese blindfolded to guess the flavor. Okay, that’s more of a third date thing but you get the point—make it interesting!

There are thousands of fun dates that you could go on, and even if the person is not right for you, you could still have an awesome date together.

21. Have fun.

Dating is supposed to be fun. When it’s not, focus on something else for a while. Your ideal partner is out there, and they can wait. The people you meet and go on dates with are just strangers that you’re supposed to have fun with until you get to know each other well enough to recognize the real thing.

Enjoy the journey, not just the destination, because dating should be fun. Even if you’re not on a perfect date with the perfect person, it can still be meaningful. So, make every moment count.

Good luck!

Still not sure how to be part of the dating scene without getting fatigued by the whole thing?

Speak to an experienced relationship expert about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and offer tailored advice to help you get the most from your dating experience while protecting your mental health.

Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.

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About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.