Dating with a purpose means that you’re looking for the person that you’re most compatible with; a person who shares your values.
It means you’re looking for someone that you could have a long-term relationship with; someone that you could imagine spending the rest of your life with.
A lot of people don’t really date with purpose. They don’t know what kind of person they’re looking for and what they want to achieve in a relationship with them. Instead, they just go with the flow and see what happens.
You are much more likely to find the love of your life if you date with purpose instead. This is about your ideal partner and someone that you could actually have a future with.
Even if you’re not looking for someone to share a life with, knowing what you want and who you want will help you find it.
So, consider using the following tips for dating with a purpose to find your perfect match. If you have a list of qualities and an action plan, you are more likely to locate your target!
1. Let go of the past.
First things first, you aren’t ready for a new relationship if you haven’t yet moved on from the last one. You must let go of the past to make room for a new partner in your life.
Think about your past relationships and how they might have affected the person that you are today. Maybe you have some trust issues or fears that you could work through with a therapist.
Recall your past partners and the heartbreaks that you’ve experienced. Try to forgive and forget so that you can move on and open yourself to a new love. Learn from your previous relationships and try not to make the same mistakes again.
Your ideal partner should let go of their past too. Consider their past relationships when you’re dating them.
A potential partner may lie about their intentions. But, their past will give you a good idea of what kind of relationships they’re interested in and what their deal breakers are.
Make sure that they’ve moved on from their past relationships. You don’t want to be someone’s rebound when you’re looking for something long term.
2. Be clear about what you want.
Maybe you don’t want to find your future husband or your future wife and you’d just like a casual relationship. That’s okay, but be clear about what you want, with yourself, and with the people that you’ll be dating.
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, think about your expectations. How will you know that things are moving forward with someone? What will tell you that they’re the kind of person with whom you could have your ideal relationship?
Whatever it is that you’re looking for, make sure that the person you’re dating wants the same thing. If you’re not aligned, it’s going to end badly, so communicate your intentions and be honest about them.
Are you ready for the kind of relationship that you want? Consider this too. Maybe you still need to let go of the past or improve yourself to attract the kind of person that you want.
You don’t have to know this person to know what they’re like. Just imagine your ideal partner and start writing things down.
3. Define your ideal partner.
It’s time for the fun part! Surely you have fantasized about your ideal man or woman. In how much detail can you describe this person? Write a list that identifies the qualities you are wanting to find in a mate.
Maybe your ideal man is charming, witty, and successful, or your ideal woman is spontaneous, funny, and adventurous. You can write down some things that describe your ideal partner on the outside too, but focus more on the inside.
Are they ambitious and self-made? Do they enjoy dancing and antiquing? Are they into blues, or have they read all the Russian classics? You can write down anything you want, just make sure that it describes your ideal partner.
Some people’s lists would undoubtedly disqualify every person they find. Don’t do this—stay realistic.
For instance, if you want someone who can afford nice things, don’t write down “billionaire.” You can write down “enjoys the finer things in life” or “a successful business owner.” You can have high standards, just make sure that you’re searching for someone that you can actually find.
When you write down the list of qualities, ask yourself how many people would qualify to be your partner. If there are only a few people in the entire world that could check all your boxes, you might want to adjust the list a bit. Write down things like: “educated, has no kids, good communicator, likes to travel.”
On a separate page, write down your biggest deal breakers. These can be things like “history of violence, criminal history, addiction.”
These two pieces of paper will be your guides, but make sure that you leave room for destiny too. Your ideal partner might not be exactly like you’ve described them. However, they will probably be similar to you, which brings us to another important factor that you should consider.
4. Search for someone with similar values, beliefs, and goals.
You don’t have to start with a blank piece of paper when you’re writing the list of qualities that describe your ideal partner. Start by writing down your values, beliefs, and goals instead.
It’s important that you and your partner are compatible when it comes to how you spend your free time. You should be like-minded when it comes to religion, money, monogamy, travel, and many more things.
Identify the values that your partner must have in order to be compatible with you to prevent conflicts in the future.
You and your partner don’t have to agree on everything and think the same. However, if you share similar core values and like similar things, your relationship is more apt to work.
Consider the goals your ideal partner should have in life and in a relationship. For instance, maybe you’d like to travel. If this is the case, you don’t want to end up with someone who is looking to settle down and start a family right away.
It could also be the other way around. You might want to buy a house and get married while your partner wants to move to another country and work on their career.
It’s important that you have similar future plans and goals. As long as you’re moving in the same direction you can reach your destination together.
5. Read relationship advice.
There’s probably an answer to every question that you have about dating and relationships. You will find an article or video or podcast on basically any topic that you want to learn more about, so use this to find love.
Read relationship advice and find out how you can have the relationship of your dreams.
For instance, maybe you recognize that you need to learn to compromise or to trust your partner. Work on yourself to become the kind of person that can be with the ideal partner you have described on your list.
Besides relationship advice, you could also read articles on self-improvement. Dating becomes that much easier when you have identified and worked on aspects of yourself that may be holding you back.
For instance, you may want to work on your self-confidence, your anxiety, your boundary-setting, or your assertiveness.
Learn more about how to resolve conflicts in a relationship and how to set and achieve relationship goals.
You must recognize the green flags when searching for the right person. Keep learning to truly be ready for the partner that you’re looking for once you find them.
If you find that online articles can’t help you enough to get to where you want to be, seek the help of a therapist.
6. Know yourself.
People who lack self-awareness find it hard to form and maintain happy, healthy relationships. The road to self-awareness is never-ending because we, as humans, are constantly changing.
You should always check in with yourself to make sure that you really know who you are. Get to know your fears, your wants, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Make sure to do this throughout your life, because these things change with time.
The more you know yourself, the easier it will be to know what you want and find the kind of partner that you want.
It’s not enough to know yourself though. You must also be yourself when you’re with your potential partner. Don’t try to impress them to the point that you’re not showing your true self.
Be who you are and let them get to know your better. Don’t be afraid of showing your vulnerable side, because doing so is a request for a deeper connection. Let your ideal partner fall in love with the real you, even if you’re not yet the ideal version of yourself.
7. Meet single people.
Don’t rely on chance; make an action plan instead. How are you going to meet other single people in your area? Use dating apps, but don’t rely on them entirely. See if there are some groups and clubs that you can join, classes that you can take, and hobbies that you can start.
You are searching for someone similar to you, so why not search among those who like the same things as you? Take dancing classes, volunteer at the homeless shelter, or join a book club. If it appeals to you, turn it into a hobby and meet people who are interested in the same things that you are!
There are bound to be plenty of single people at the gym. So, if you enjoy working out, use this opportunity to get in shape and keep an eye out for your ideal partner at the same time!
The point is, you will have to get out there and be amongst people to find other singles. No one is going to knock on your door and introduce themselves as your ideal partner. You must go out there and look for that person.
8. Go on dates.
It’s time to start scheduling those dates! Feel free to go on as many dates as you’d like. The more people you meet, the likelier it is that one of them will be your perfect match.
However, make sure that you are honest with everyone. Don’t keep dating someone if you don’t want to have a relationship with them. And avoid jumping straight into a relationship with the first person you date. Take your time and see what’s out there. The more you date, the more comfortable you will be with the whole dating process.
Don’t forget to ask the right questions during the date. Your goal is to identify whether the person you’re dating is the ideal partner that you’ve been looking for.
So, feel free to ask about their goals and find out whether you share similar values. Focus on getting to know them better, and be sure to take your time. Even if someone seems like your ideal partner, you need to spend more time with them to be sure.
9. Wait and see.
Early on, you may get the feeling that you’ve found “The One.” But be careful not to get attached too soon without knowing enough about them. Take your time before jumping into a relationship with anyone, no matter how great they seem at first.
Prevent heartbreak by setting boundaries and taking things slow. When you get the feeling that you’ve found the right person, don’t trust it right away. Wait and see if you’re right instead. When someone gets you all excited, try to remain calm and avoid jumping to conclusions.
Just because you feel a strong attraction to someone doesn’t mean that they’re your ideal partner. Stay focused on the list of qualities and deal breakers that you’ve created before. Get to know them better to make sure that they are the person that you’ve imagined for yourself.
10. Don’t expect constant excitement.
Don’t fast forward into your future. Take things slowly and realize that a relationship can’t be constantly exciting. So, don’t expect the initial relationship fireworks to continue forever.
Eventually, almost every relationship becomes more relaxed and comfortable. Even if you’re with the person you always dreamed of, and you’re perfectly compatible, there won’t always be fireworks. There’ll be uneventful days when there’s not much excitement, and that’s okay.
Be prepared for a serious relationship if that is what you’re looking for and understand what it means. You’ll occasionally fight, have to make compromises, and your partner might take up a lot of your time.
Be aware of all the upsides and downsides of getting into a long-term relationship before you get into one. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
11. Set high standards.
You’re allowed to have high standards, and you shouldn’t compromise on them. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
You might be tempted to lower your standards out of loneliness or because you like someone, but stick to your goal.
You shouldn’t be with someone that you need to fix just so they can be your ideal partner. Go for someone who’s already the kind of person that you’re looking for, not someone that might turn into that person if you work on them for a while. You’re searching for a partner, not a project.
Try to also steer clear of any potential partners that shows red flags. Don’t make excuses for them just because you like them.
Keep your deal breakers list in mind and stick to your high standards. By doing this, you are lowering the number of potential partners that you can be with. That’s true. It’s also true that quality beats quantity, and high standards ensure that you end up with a person of quality.
One word of caution, though: don’t expect perfection from anybody. Have high standards, yes, but accept that even your ideal partner will have flaws and you will have to live with them.
12. Practice honesty and wait for an effortless connection.
Reveal your authentic self and practice honesty when you’re dating. Don’t be tempted to impress your date, be focused on expressing the truth instead. The truth is, things aren’t going to be difficult with the right person.
Wait for an effortless connection that just somehow happens. You’ll recognize the feeling once you experience it. When you feel that you’ve connected with someone without even trying, it might be the real thing.
It doesn’t have to be difficult for it to be worth it. You won’t struggle to click with the right person, it will be easy. Your ideal partner should bring ease and harmony into your life, not disrupt it completely.
If things are difficult from the start, they are likely to stay that way and, in fact, get even worse as time passes. Wait for the person that’s easy to be with, and it will also be easy to maintain the relationship.
Again, a word of caution on expecting perfection – don’t. As effortless as a connection may seem, there might some little niggles even during the initial dating stage. There shouldn’t be too many, but be aware that there might be a few, and don’t run at the first sign of trouble.
13. Be complete without a partner.
You don’t need a partner to be complete, and you shouldn’t rely on others for your own happiness. You’re already a complete being, and you shouldn’t look for happiness outside of yourself. Be responsible for your own happiness and know how to take care of yourself.
Don’t look for a partner to fill a void inside you. Instead, look for a partner that offers their completeness just like you do. A healthy relationship consists of two complete beings. So, find someone who can make themselves happy and make yourself happy.
Be okay with being single until you find the right person. Don’t wait for someone to save you and change your life. Create the life that you want while you’re single and welcome the right person into it when the time comes.
Let them introduce you to their world too. If you’re both complete beings with fulfilling lives, your relationship is more likely to be healthy and successful.
14. Don’t rush.
Again, it’s important to take things slow and to get to know your potential partner. Let things develop naturally, and don’t rush to move things forward. As long as it feels like you’re moving forward in your courtship, enjoy the process and don’t rush to reach the destination.
A lot of people want a serious relationship so badly that they rush into it as soon as possible. If you avoid this, your relationship will be more likely to work.
You don’t have to put a label on what you have as soon as you notice signs that you’re on a date with your ideal partner. Take your time and get to know them better before things get too serious.
Make sure that you’re moving forward, but don’t bring up labels right away. If you’re on the same page, you’ll be able to tell. Discuss it only if you notice that you’re stagnating or having doubts.
15. Search for growth.
You can’t always choose who you’ll be attracted to, but you can choose which of those feelings are worth pursuing.
You might find a partner who keeps you in your comfort zone and plays it safe. Alternatively, you could end up repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns.
There’s also a third option… You might find a person that challenges you to expand your horizons. This is the attraction that is most worth pursuing.
Choose someone who inspires you to move forward and grow. When you are with the right person, you will feel a sense of purpose and direction.
When you find your ideal partner, you will feel joy, and it will be largely effortless, at least to begin with. Search for that kind of harmony, and you are likely to maintain it throughout the relationship.
Date with the purpose of finding your perfect match instead of getting into and out of relationships with all the wrong people. It’s the best approach to take to finding lasting love.
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