When you have a burning desire for something, it can be difficult not to let it consume you.
If you want to find love but haven’t yet been successful, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else, especially when you’re surrounded by couples and a society where everything seems to be made for you and a plus one.
But if you want to find love so badly, why does it make sense to stop looking for it?
As hard as it is to believe, if you want to find love, then the first thing you should do is stop looking for it.
When you’re caught up in finding a partner, it can become the center of your life and turn into your identity. You don’t want to lose who you are because you’re becoming the “single” person who’s desperate to meet someone, and nothing else.
But when all you can think about is not missing an opportunity to find “the one,” what do you do to take your mind off it and still be ready to meet your perfect match if they happen to show up?
Refraining from looking for love doesn’t mean you have to give up on it. It’s about finding a balance between wanting a partner and being kind to yourself by making sure you aren’t letting life pass you by.
Good things will come to you when you start investing more time in yourself and less time in looking for a match.
Keep reading to learn about all the great things that can come your way when you decide to stop looking for love, and the practical ways you can dial down that deep longing you feel to be coupled up.
7 Good Things That Happen When You Stop Looking For Love
1. You’ll focus on what makes you happy.
Much of being in a relationship is thinking about what someone else wants and needs.
Even when you’re just on the lookout for love and not in a relationship yet, you might notice you’re always monitoring what you’re doing, saying, or how you’re presenting yourself.
You’re trying to mold yourself to fit with other people’s expectations rather than just being you.
Taking love out of the equation gives you a chance to focus on what makes you happy. You aren’t worried about who you meet or what you look like to other people; instead, you’re living in the moment and learning to love yourself.
Take some time to think about why you want to be in a relationship so badly and see if there’s anything you can do for yourself to fill that void.
Your need to find love might be part of some larger self-discovery you’ve yet to make, and taking the time to understand your feelings could be exactly what you need to set yourself up for a more positive and fulfilling future.
Spend your time pursuing things that make you happy rather than trying to be someone you think others expect you to be. Your happiness should be your number one priority, and you’ll learn just how much there is to life when you start living it for your own enjoyment.
2. You’ll create a solid foundation for a relationship.
Relationships take time to build, and rushing into them is rarely a good idea.
When you stop looking for love and ease the pressure on yourself to settle down, you’re giving yourself the time and freedom to look for a partner at a slower pace. This will help you to end up with a more suitable match.
It’s important to learn more about how you act in a relationship and think about what your boundaries are when inviting someone in who could change your life completely.
Not letting yourself get carried away with your emotions and trying to rush a relationship faster than it should go will help you build a solid foundation and properly get to know the person you want to spend your time with.
Dating out of desperation to find love could mean that you ignore or don’t see any red flags, and you might give up more than you’d planned to.
If you try to build a relationship on shaky foundations, it’s inevitably going to crumble later down the line.
You don’t want to put yourself through unnecessary heartbreak, and by taking things slowly before you make any moves, you’re giving yourself a chance to build something that will last.
3. You can make sure you’ve found the right match.
It’s tricky trying to find the right partner. Even after you’ve fallen in love, people or circumstances change, and relationships don’t always work out.
We can’t predict whether a relationship is going to last, but you want to give yourself the best chance of success.
For this, you need to make sure you’re picking the right kind of person for the right reasons.
Taking your time looking for love gives you the space to evaluate what it is you want from a partner and be objective about whether you’re finding it in the people you meet.
Rushing yourself in the pursuit of love could mean that you keep going for the same type of person, not realizing that they seem to have the same flaws.
You’re not giving yourself time to think about what you need from a long-lasting partnership. Instead, you’re setting your bar too low and trying to make a relationship work that was doomed from the start.
Be picky about what you want from a partner and take the extra time to make sure that what you have with someone is right for you.
4. You can give yourself a break.
Dating is draining, especially when you don’t seem to be getting anywhere with it.
It takes energy and confidence to put yourself out there and present your best self when meeting new people. It can be exhausting and sap your self-confidence when you never seem to find the person you’re looking for.
By letting go of looking for love and thinking about enjoying yourself, you’re allowing time to recharge your social batteries. Instead of looking for a partner, you can put all that energy into other activities that will bring positive changes to your life.
It could be starting a new hobby, exercising more, working harder, spending more time with family and friends, or just focusing on self-care.
Choosing to invest your energy in yourself will give you time to nurture your happiness and confidence—and you’ll feel better equipped to face the world and return to the dating pool when you’re ready for it.
5. You’ll learn to be yourself.
If you truly want to find love, then you must be yourself completely. You can’t expect to find the right match if you’re trying to be someone you think other people want to see.
When you’re used to pursuing a relationship, you can get stuck in the habit of acting or flirting in a certain way, dressing the same way, or talking about subjects you think someone will want to hear.
None of these tactics will help you find someone who wants to get to know you for who you are because you’re only showing them what you think they want to see.
Being happy with yourself and going out to have a good time are the best ways to attract the right person.
People are drawn to positivity and the energy you project. If you’re comfortable and secure in yourself, this will shine through and you’ll find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not what you’re trying to be.
6. You won’t settle.
When meeting someone as soon as possible isn’t your priority, you give yourself the space to make sure you aren’t settling for second best.
When you’re in a rush, instead of holding out for what you really want, you’re much more likely to settle for something not so great.
If you keep pressuring yourself to find love, it’s hard to let go of a relationship you know isn’t right out of fear that you won’t find anything better.
Not settling for someone you know is good but not exactly what you’re looking for is a risk, but if you’re being true to yourself and want your relationship to last, you won’t compromise on what makes you happy.
Sometimes you need to give yourself time to realize that and work through it. When you withstand the pressure to settle with the first person you meet, you’ll stay true to finding the real, lasting kind of love you’re after.
7. You’ll stop looking desperate.
People can sense when someone is desperate for a relationship, and they’ll either avoid you or take advantage.
When someone is desperate for something, it gives the impression of a lack of self-awareness and self-confidence.
You want to present the best version of yourself and attract people with your positive energy, rather than cause them to stay away because you’re too intense.
By making it obvious you’re looking for a relationship, you could also be setting yourself up for people to tell you what you want to hear so they can get something from you.
In addition, when you’re single-minded about meeting someone, you’ll stop getting to know people for who they are, because you’re measuring them up against your expectations for a partner before understanding them as an individual.
9 Tips To Help You Stop Looking For Love
You’ve read about all the good things that can happen when you stop looking for love, but how do you stop in the first place?
When all you can think about is how much you want to meet your soulmate, and you feel the pressure to find someone to settle down with, how do you convince yourself to stop looking for them?
Read on for some useful tips on how you can stop looking for love but not shut yourself off from it completely.
1. Trust in yourself.
It’s hard to trust in the unknown and believe that you will find love when you’re meant to.
But to find the love you’re looking for, that’s exactly what you should be doing. You need to trust that what you have to offer will be irresistible to the right person.
You’re a catch, and if so many other people out there can find love, there’s no reason you can’t—you just haven’t met the right person yet.
Trust that there’s nothing more you need to prove to be worthy of love; you just need to be patient for the right time and place to meet the person you’re going to be with.
Believe in yourself and all the amazing things you bring to a relationship. Don’t dim your light because you’ve lost hope or are trying to be someone you’re not.
The right person will see all the amazing things about you, so don’t stop being who you are while you wait to find them.
2. Prioritize loving yourself.
There’s no point looking for love until you’ve found love for yourself.
You need to know exactly who you are before you start sharing your life with another person.
Being single is an opportunity to stop hiding behind a relationship and put yourself first. Be honest with yourself, face up to the parts of yourself you might not be proud of, and practice some self-growth to become the best you can be.
Take the time to get to know yourself, what you stand for, what your morals are, and where you’re willing and not willing to compromise. Think about what kind of partner and future you want to have.
Spending time on self-reflection will distance you from aimlessly searching for love and allow you to set your intentions on what it is you want from a relationship, from life, and from yourself.
3. Embrace your own company.
Being on your own doesn’t have to be “lonely.” There shouldn’t be a stigma attached to going out solo, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own company.
Once you embrace it and stop worrying about what other people might think, you’ll start to see the benefits of alone time.
You can spend your time doing exactly what you want or need to do. You don’t have to think about anyone else’s needs, and you can make your own choices.
No one will tell you that you should be doing anything differently, and without the distraction of another person, you’ll fully enjoy whatever it is you’ve chosen to do.
There are so many things you can do that don’t require being in a pair or a group, like visiting museums and galleries, going to theaters and the movies, exercising, traveling, and even just enjoying a walk.
Take yourself on a date and see how enjoyable it can be to put yourself first.
Embracing time on your own will help you learn that you don’t need to fill your time with other people, and you’ll see all the different ways you can enjoy yourself when you aren’t looking for love.
4. Focus on everything you already have.
When there’s something we want that we don’t have, we might struggle to appreciate what we do have.
So you’re not in a relationship—that doesn’t mean your life isn’t enviable to someone else.
Think about the family and friends that you have and the support networks all around you. Think about your home, your hobbies, or your work, and be grateful for any element of stability in your life and the chance to do things that you love.
Think about your health and your ability to make choices based solely on your own wants and needs. The grass isn’t always greener; just because other people are in relationships and you aren’t, doesn’t mean that their lives are happier.
Stop longing for a relationship and focus on everything you have going on in your life right now—you might realize just how full your life already is.
5. Don’t believe everything you see.
When someone tells you that they’re madly in love and have the perfect relationship, think twice before believing them.
Don’t let yourself feel bad about being single while you fixate on a couple that seems to have it all.
You never know what life is like behind closed doors. You don’t see the sides of their relationship they’re choosing not to show you. No one would post on social media right after an argument or eagerly tell you all about their spouse’s bad habits.
Relationships are complicated, and they’re never as easy as they might seem. They take work and compromise. So don’t make yourself feel worse because of a perfect relationship that doesn’t exist in reality.
6. Move out of your comfort zone.
Moving out of your comfort zone forces you to shake up your routine and try new experiences.
Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut—when you do, you stop learning and challenging yourself.
Trying something new can be an opportunity to meet new people, but more importantly, it’s an opportunity to enjoy something for yourself and learn about who you are.
Focusing on a new hobby or applying yourself to something unfamiliar will move your attention away from the fact that you’re single and everything you think you’re missing out on. Instead, your attention will move to all the things you’ve yet to explore on your own.
7. Do those things you’ve been putting off.
This is your chance to do all those things you’ve been putting off.
When you’re in a relationship or focusing on finding one, you don’t always have the time or energy to complete projects or personal goals.
Finally achieving something that you’ve been meaning to for a long while will help you feel more satisfied and accomplished within yourself, and help you get more out of the life you’re living.
Maybe you finally plan and book that solo trip you’ve always been talking about. Or maybe you finish some home renovations you’ve been meaning to do forever.
When you take some time away from dating, you can stop making excuses because of other people and get down to work—on whatever project you’ve been wanting to tackle.
Instead of searching for more, look at how you can get more out of what you already have in your life.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Focusing on what someone else has that you don’t have, like a relationship, will only make you feel worse about your life.
It never feels good to compare yourself to someone you think has something better than you have. Whether it’s a partner, children, a job, a house, or more money, making comparisons will only make you feel smaller, and you’ll end up crushing your self-confidence.
It’s a waste of energy to want to be like someone else or have the life they do, because you will always be you. Instead, put that energy into finding happiness in your own life.
Think about how someone might look at your life. Would they be envious of something you have?
Try to put your life in perspective. You are the only person with the power to change your life, so make it one someone else would want to be part of. But more importantly, make it one you enjoy living.
9. Start making genuine connections.
Stop looking to make connections just because you’re looking for love. By being so desperate to find a relationship, you’ll find yourself evaluating everyone you meet to see if they match your dating criteria.
When you meet someone new, don’t look for what you can get out of the connection—just let yourself get to know a person for who they are, without an agenda.
It doesn’t matter whether they are relationship material or not; go beyond the surface level and start developing genuine bonds with people. New friendships can enrich your life in ways you might never imagine.
Opening your mind to meeting and connecting to new people just because they’re interesting is something you’ll never get to experience if you limit yourself to searching for a relationship and only that.
If you give someone a chance, you might surprise yourself and connect with someone more than you thought possible. Don’t count anyone out of your life when there’s always so much more to get to know.
If you want to find your perfect partner, then first you need to know who you are and not be afraid to be that person. True love won’t have a chance if you aren’t being authentic.
Something else to remember, especially when you’re feeling lonely or deflated while single: there is so much more to life than being in a relationship, and there are so many more types of relationships than just a romantic one.
We focus on being in a couple because that’s what everyone around us seems to do, but there are other ways for you to find fulfillment that you haven’t even discovered yet.
Don’t let yourself get so down about not being in a couple that you miss opportunities to expand your world on your own.
Take a minute to look at everything you have around you and give yourself permission to follow some of your other dreams to see how far they can take you.
Life has a funny way of working out, and you might never guess how it will all come to pass. You can’t predict the future and know whether you’ll meet someone, but you may as well find happiness, love, and excitement in all the other areas of your life while you’re waiting for your future to unfold.