You may not be able to see them, but you have countless attachments that connect you to various things in your life—people, careers, places, memories, emotions, and so on. And while many of these attachments are perfectly healthy, there are many more that are harmful to you. Until you can learn to break free from these things, you may find yourself stuck where you are in life.
1. Harmful relationship attachment styles.
In the context of this article, attachments doesn’t refer only to relationship-style attachments. However, that is an excellent place to start, because unhealthy attachment styles prevent you from having happy, fulfilling relationships. As you get older, relationships and socialization provide a number of positive mental health benefits, so try to work on this.
Meghan Laslocky writes about her experiences with unhealthy attachments preventing her from having a fulfilling romantic relationship until her mid-30s. That’s because she suffered a great fear of relationships and intimacy, what would be called a fearful-avoidant lifestyle. People with an anxious-avoidant style feel they are never good enough, and dismissive-avoidant types are hyper-independent to the point that it hurts them.
2. Toxic relationships.
The people you surround yourself with should add to your life, not subtract from it. Toxic people you’re close to are going to drag their problems and drama into your life. Furthermore, others will judge you based on the company you keep. You can’t stand in the rain and not get at least a little wet.
It’s difficult to identify toxic relationships when you are emotionally invested in one, but there is an easy way to tell. Does this person leave you more emotionally drained or recharged after being with them? If you feel drained, it’s time to take a closer look at that relationship to see what value it’s actually adding to your life and future.
3. External validation and a need for approval.
You will never be truly happy if your feelings of validation and happiness rely on others. By relying on others, you will find yourself making decisions to make them happy rather than what will make you happy. Most people aren’t going to consider what you want and need.
Living to please others keeps you stuck in a place that may not be meant for you. The only way to get out of that rut is to be okay with yourself, so you can know that you are good things regardless of how others feel about it. They aren’t living your life. You are.
4. Your comfort zone.
Your comfort zone is comfortable. Why would you want to leave it? Well, because growth only happens outside of your comfort zone. New things will inherently make you uncomfortable because many people fear the unknown. However, that is a great limiter of your potential. Who knows the person you could be tomorrow if you would chase your desires and goals today?
It’s important to be comfortable with discomfort because change is coming either way. Nothing stays the same. Sooner or later, your life is going to change whether you want it to or not. You need to be able to embrace the changes and roll with them when that time comes. If you can’t, you will find yourself unhappy and left behind.
5. The past and regret.
Nothing will hold you back more than your past. There is a simple truth regarding the past—it’s done and over with. You can’t change it. Everything good and bad you’ve experienced is done whether you regret not taking chances or you’re longing for better days passed.
Either way, focusing on the past denies you of your present and affects your future. Instead of dwelling in the past, one must learn to focus on today. Today is where happiness can be. Today is where you lay the framework and do the work for a happier tomorrow. You can’t take full advantage of that if you are living in the past.
6. A fear of failure.
The relationship many people have with failure is one of negativity. After all, if things didn’t succeed and made you feel bad, then how can it be good? Instead, failure can be an important stepping stone on the way to success. Failure teaches you what doesn’t work. That’s an invaluable piece of knowledge and wisdom.
You can take what you know about what didn’t work and try a different path. Many people find success from pivoting from failing their original goal to a new goal. Success is not linear. It may be a long, winding road until you get there. Failure doesn’t need to be a stopping point; it’s just a step on the path.
7. Overplanning and the need for control.
Overplanning is a common problem. A person can spend so much time planning that an opportunity can pass them by. In many cases, overplanning is a means to try to control a situation to self-soothe the anxiety and discomfort of the unknown. However, no matter what you plan, things can go wrong that never occurred to you. All you can do is react to them.
Procrastination is another part of overplanning. Some people overplan so they never have to start. They use overplanning as an excuse to avoid starting because they may fear failing, looking foolish, or succeeding. A fear of success may play a role because some people are afraid of not knowing what comes after success.
8. A victim mentality and excuses.
“Woe is me, the world is out to get me!” No, it’s not. The world is neutral and it spins either way. Still, that doesn’t stop people from blaming intangible forces for preventing them from taking risks or causing their bad work. It’s never their fault. It’s always that the world, or other people, is out to get them.
They make excuses because they can’t accept responsibility. People who do make excuses and do have a victim mentality are self-sabotaging. Other people who hear those things are going to learn not to trust or believe them. If that happens, other opportunities may dry up and friends may leave.
9. Addiction and bad habits.
A healthy future requires a healthy present. Addiction catches up with you sooner or later. It will rob you of opportunities, suck up money, and destroy relationships if you let it. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, video games, and food are all common addictions that harm your well-being.
Furthermore, you only have a limited number of days in your life. Do you really want to waste today? The more time you waste on bad habits, the less space you have for joy and healthy relationships that add to your life. These things are an anchor around your neck that will drag you down if you let it.
10. Materialism and comparison.
Many people spend their time comparing their lives to others. It doesn’t matter what you have or don’t have, someone always has it better. Someone has the better stuff, the better opportunities, or better life circumstances that can make you envious and jealous.
The problem is that envy and jealousy sabotage your own happiness. Anger often comes with envy and jealousy because you’re angry that they have what you want. Few people want to spend their time around angry people. That destroys relationships, opportunities, and your future well-being.
