If you’ve been waiting for permission to stop caring about things you don’t actually care about, consider this your green light. You’ve reached your 40s (or beyond), and you get to decide where to place your time and energy. The things listed below are 12 top issues that you can (and should) stop giving a damn about right now.
1. Other people’s opinions of you.
While we might appreciate perspectives and insights from those closest to us — people we love and admire — the opinions and judgments of strangers or passing acquaintances shouldn’t influence us at all. According to The Conversation, older adults are more confident in themselves and experience less shame and embarrassment than younger adults. As a result, they just stop caring so much about what other people think of them.
So while you may have felt a need to have your hobbies, interests, and perspectives accepted by others when you were younger, middle age grants you the freedom to follow your heart and speak with less filter.
2. Living up to societal expectations.
You’ve likely noticed that many people adhere fiercely to societal expectations about certain milestones to strive for. This can start with getting a driver’s licence and car by 16, moving out at 18, getting a degree, then getting married and having children.
The thing is, not everyone wants to do these things, nor should they feel pressured to do so. By age 40, you have a solid idea of who you are and no longer give a damn about what society expects from you.
3. Keeping up with the Joneses.
While you may have felt pressured to keep up with your peers in your youth — whether it was buying the same trendy running shoes or having a job of equal social status — you give zero ***** about keeping score with others once you hit midlife.
Let them have shiny cars, bigger houses, more prestigious holidays, and so on. You’ll be much happier doing your own thing without the perpetual pressure of keeping up appearances or slaving away so you can afford things you don’t truly care about.
4. Stressing over things that won’t matter in an hour’s time.
The Buddhist monk and scholar known as Shantideva is famous for having said:
“If it can be fixed; why worry?
If it can’t be fixed, what’s the point of worrying?”
Life is going to throw you countless curve balls over time, and you’ll likely find yourself stressing and worrying about all manner of things. Once you hit your 40s, you get to decide not to stress about them, but rather to either fix them as soon as possible (if they can be fixed) or to let go of the worry if they can’t.
5. How many people find you desirable.
Younger people generally try to ensure that they’re as attractive as possible in order to have a wide variety of admirers to choose from. They’re also fiercely self-conscious and are devastated by the idea that others may not find them appealing enough to sleep with.
Once you hit 40, you’re much more discerning about your potential partners: you value quality over quantity, and you want to be valued for who you are more than how you look. You neither need nor want the entire world to drool over you.
6. What’s “in.”
When you hit midlife, what you love as an individual is much more important to you than what’s trending for the next five minutes. In fact, you’ve likely come to realize that what’s “in” is usually atrocious garbage, and you have no interest in pretending that you like it. This can apply to music, movies, fashion, or causes that others latch onto with great fervor.
Instead, you can place emphasis on the things that resonate with you. You think for yourself rather than blindly following the crowd. Your style and preferences are your own, and you fight for the causes that you feel are worthy and just.
7. Being a “people pleaser.”
Far too many people end up wasting a great deal of their lives making sure others are happy at the expense of their own joy and well-being. A lot of these folks have difficulty establishing and defending boundaries because they don’t want to deal with the negative repercussions that may come from disappointing or angering others. This is particularly common in women who grow up needing to be “good girls” because of the messages they receive from society.
Guess what you can stop giving a damn about once you hit middle age? That’s right: bending over and letting others take advantage of you. Learn to say “no” often, with great enthusiasm. It’s time to stop being a people pleaser.
8. Seeking external validation.
According to Psych Central, we seek external validation and acceptance in our youth because we depend on acceptance for literal survival: to be rejected would mean being denied food, shelter, and other basic life needs. As we get older, however, we’re perfectly able to provide for ourselves.
Unfortunately, many people keep seeking approval and external validation instead of cultivating self-esteem. If you’re over 40, you can absolutely stop giving a damn about whether other people approve of you or not, and focus on living your best life on your own terms.
9. The party lifestyle.
Some folks give this up much earlier, especially if their hobbies and/or pursuits require them to be in very good health or are better enjoyed in smaller, quiet groups. Others might party hard well into their late 30s, complete with late weeknights and packed weekends, resulting in hangovers that last until Tuesday.
Dancing ‘til dawn and impressing people with how much you can drink loses its charm over time. Once you hit 40, your priorities shift towards quality time and healthy life choices instead of “fun” self-destruction.
10. What people from your younger life are doing now.
Do you still communicate with people from high school (or earlier) even though you don’t really want to? Or perhaps you look up former partners or colleagues from 20 years ago on social media to see what they’re up to?
By the time you hit 40, your focus should be on your own life, not theirs. Be here, right now, and stop living in the past. Only nurture relationships with people you sincerely adore, namely those who reciprocate your care and make a point of keeping in touch.
11. Your parents’ approval.
While it’s healthier to drop this need as early as possible, your 40s are the ideal landmark for doing so if you haven’t already. Far too many people have parents who feel entitled to rule their children’s lives well into adulthood.
If you haven’t stopped this entitled, intrusive behavior yet, then end it now. You can either make it clear to them that their behavior is unacceptable or make the decision to reduce contact with them. The only person who needs to approve of your life is you.
12. Perpetual productivity.
People are generally expected to be doing something productive all the time, like we’re worker ants instead of human beings, and we are called “lazy” if we aren’t. By the time you’ve hit 40, you’ve paid your dues in so many ways, and it’s time to prioritize rest. Your life purpose begins to change, and that’s a good thing.
This doesn’t mean that you’re going to lie on the couch 24/7, but rather that you recognize the importance of restful replenishment and using your energy wisely. You’re still a contributing member of society, but on your terms — not theirs.
