While everyone wants a relationship that lasts, love alone won’t cut it. Yep, you read that right. Of course, those heart-fluttering moments are amazing, but they’re not enough to keep your relationship going strong—lasting relationships have many other necessary ingredients. Missing even one of these will likely cause trouble for your love life. Here are twelve must-haves that turn good relationships into great, lasting ones.
1. Respect.
The fastest way to kill a relationship is to stop respecting each other because it makes your partner feel like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Good relationships are founded on respect, according to experts. It’s that simple.
When you respect each other, even your disagreements feel different because you’ll listen instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. You value your partner’s unique attributes instead of trying to change them. But by far, the best part is that respect grows naturally when you both make it a priority.
2. Compromise.
Every single relationship needs an equal amount of give and take from all participants. If one partner is consistently bending over backward and making sacrifices for the other, the relationship will be doomed to fail. And even though being stubborn might feel good in the moment, it’s poison for your relationship since it stops you from getting anything done.
What’s really great is when you both care more about finding a solution than winning an argument. It shows you genuinely care for each other. Better yet, the more you practice meeting in the middle and compromising, the better you get at it, and your relationship gets stronger every time you choose harmony over victory.
3. Support.
A healthy, lasting relationship needs to have mutual support, and good partners cheer each other on with whatever they’re doing. They’ll also be willing to jump in to help when needed. After all, wouldn’t you like to know that someone has your back in everything you do? Very Well Mind tells us that support comes in many forms, be it emotional, practical, enouraging confidence, or providing information. A relationship can’t survive without any one of these.
When you help your partner shine, your whole relationship becomes brighter, and it also makes you feel good, too.
4. Empathy.
Empathy is what turns “me and you” into “us” in a relationship. When you really take the time to understand how your partner feels, everything changes. A lot of people get empathy wrong. They think it means being able to feel and relate to what someone else is feeling, and for some, this kind of empathy does come naturally. But to truly be empathetic means to believe and be compassionate toward someone, even when you can’t relate to their experience. You will never completely understand what someone is going through, particularly if you haven’t been in that situation yourself or because you process things differently. But you can be empathetic by validating their feelings rather than dismissing or trying to diminish them.
As one study shows, getting into each other’s headspace makes both the good times better and the tough times easier in a relationship. Simply put, it involves having a genuine interest in understanding what makes your partner tick. Empathy makes your emotional connection grow stronger with every conversation where you choose to really listen instead of just hearing words.
5. Physical affection.
Touch-starved relationships don’t stand a chance, and that doesn’t just mean bedroom antics. Quick kisses, random hugs, and holding hands all play a huge role in keeping that intimate connection alive, according to a 2021 study. And let’s not forget the importance of words, too, as for many, words of affirmation are a crucial way of showing and receiving love and affection in a relationship.
The smallest of physical gestures will help you both feel secure and happy in your relationships. It could involve giving them a gentle touch as you pass by or a warm embrace after work. Either way, these moments help you to connect.
6. Quality time.
No, watching Netflix doesn’t count as quality time if you’re both scrolling on your phones. Instead, real connection needs real attention, so you should make time for each other that doesn’t involve screens or chores. You might want to try a new couple’s hobby together or perhaps just have a conversation over a cup of coffee.
Whatever you decide, these moments matter more than most people think because they remind each partner why they fell for the other in the first place. As such, successful couples will ask questions and share stories during these moments. Giving your undivided attention strengthens your connection and is crucial in every relationship, but particularly for those whose love language is quality time.
7. The same values.
They say that opposites attract, but your core, non-negotiable values need to be the same, or your relationship will crumble. From money to future goals, you need to agree with one another on the major things because it helps you make decisions far more easily. However, it’s okay to differ with other opinions.
Couples who avoid talking about the big stuff early (and often) are doomed to fail. Without these discussions, there’s no way for each person in the relationship to understand the other’s dreams or deal-breakers. You don’t want to get years down the line only to discover your non-negotiables are incompatible.
8. Breathing room.
Even though being together 24/7 seems romantic, it can actually be quite suffocating. Healthy relationships need breathing room, which you can get from having your own friends, hobbies, or interests. This way, you’ll also be more interesting to each other because you have other things to talk about than just chores, the kids (if you have any), and what to eat for dinner.
The best couples recognize that their identity doesn’t disappear when they become part of a couple. In fact, the time they spend apart makes together time even better because you have a chance to miss each other a little bit. Strong relationships are built by two whole people, after all. No one is there to complete the other.
9. Patience.
Growth takes time, and so does building a good relationship. Rushing through relationship milestones is just like trying to run before you can walk—it’ll only end with the relationship falling flat on its face. Good things unfold naturally when you give them space to breathe, and the pair of you need time to grow into your best selves. Patience means cutting your partner and yourself some slack. You’re not always going to get things right, and that’s ok, as long as you’re learning from them and don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over.
Being patient allows both of you to evolve at your own speed without pressure. Eventually, those small changes and improvements that happen day by day will add up to something amazing. The couples who make it know that real growth happens slowly.
10. Forgiveness.
If you’re still mad about something from six months ago, then it’s time to let it go. Keeping score and holding grudges will poison your relationship from the inside out, especially since nobody wins when you keep bringing up old battles. You need to learn to forgive the small stuff and talk through the big stuff.
Choosing to forgive the other person is a way of choosing growth. Moving past previous hurts and letting go of resentment makes your relationship stronger, so you should focus on fixing problems rather than assigning blame and keeping score. You’re on the same team after all, and teams win when they work together, not against each other.
11. Having fun.
If you can’t laugh together, then really, what’s the point? Relationships need a little silliness for you both to be happy, especially since the daily grind is really hard sometimes. So go ahead—tell bad jokes and dance together in the kitchen. After all, science has confirmed that couples who laugh together stay together.
It’s also hard to stay mad at someone who makes you laugh. When you can see the funny side of things, you stop taking every little thing so seriously. You remember your partner is a fallible human being, just like you.
A good laugh can turn an ordinary day (or even a bad day) into a memory worth keeping.
12. Genuine commitment.
Strong, lasting relationships need both partners all in for those times when things become difficult. If one of you only puts in a half-hearted effort, you can expect half-baked results. True commitment involves showing up even on the hard days. Only when you choose each other again and again will your relationship succeed.
Beyond the grand promises, real commitment also involves daily choices and consistent actions. It shows up in how you handle conflicts and how you support each other’s dreams. When you’re both fully invested, your relationship becomes unshakeable, so choose each other actively, intentionally, every single day.
