By this point, most of us have come across people who claim to be open-minded but are actually as closed off as an angry oyster. What a person says about themselves and how they behave are often very different. A truly open-minded individual will show it via their actions on a regular basis. Below are nine common behaviors that offer solid awareness that the person who’s claiming to be open, tolerant and accepting, is actually anything but those things.
1. They don’t believe other people’s experiences.
They may hear from one of their friends that they’re being discriminated against at work due to their gender or cultural background, and they’ll dismiss it by saying that such things don’t happen. Similarly, someone may be complaining about a health issue or experiencing sensory overwhelm because they are neurodivergent, and a person who’s incapable of experiencing that same issue will brush it off as not really being that bad.
Here’s an example: years ago, I worked with a female colleague who had terrible endometriosis. As a result, she’d be doubled over in pain once a month, and our (female) boss would accuse her of faking pain to gain sympathy and get out of work early. Since she had never experienced bad cramps herself, which, according to Medical News Daily, can be as painful as a heart attack, she dismissed my colleague’s pain as attention-seeking behavior and refused to believe otherwise.
2. They consider disagreements to be “hate” or personal attacks.
Many people who claim to be open-minded and tolerant go on the defensive and take any conflicting opinion as a personal attack. From their perspective, any disagreement is a type of “hate”, and through their behavior, they’ll seek to forcibly silence those who disagree with them under the guise of protecting themselves and others from perceived harm.
Psychology Today emphasizes the value of disagreement, but a lot of people perceive different perspectives as invalidating their personal beliefs and identities. As such, they may try to silence or change dissenters by implying that their disagreement makes them a fundamentally horrible person by using a straw man argument. For example, if someone says they aren’t vegan because of personal dietary issues, they may be accused of hating animals and taking pleasure in their suffering.
3. They may mock different things for being “weird”, “gross”, or “silly.”
You may witness this kind of behavior when these “open-minded” people come across a food or a tradition from another cultural group. They might complain about a chicken or fish head left on when a particular dish is served, or condemn modes of dress and modesty from other cultures as being inappropriate or outdated.
Similarly, they may mock activities and/or customs from other cultures because they’re so different from their own, such as seeing men holding hands platonically while walking around town, or witnessing dining etiquette in another country that’s markedly different from what they grew up with.
In contrast, truly open-minded people recognize the importance of cultural relativism, which, according to Very Well Mind, involves acknowledging that one culture’s beliefs, values, and social norms can and should not be judged through any other culture’s social lens.
4. They dismiss others’ views if they think their credentials or personal history are subpar.
A perfect example of this behavior is how the Australian government refused to listen to indigenous Aboriginal elders about the ecological fire management techniques they’ve been using for thousands of years, because those elders weren’t scientists. Well, not listening to them resulted in horrible bushfires for decades, including the catastrophic bushfire season of 2019-2020. Since then, the government has re-established Indigenous fire management, which has resulted in significantly fewer and less damaging annual wildfires.
Closed-minded people will find a variety of excuses for not respecting or listening to other people’s wisdom and insight. They may summarily dismiss one person’s mastery if they’re from a developing country, or they went to the “wrong” school, and so on.
5. They interrupt or talk over others if they disagree with what they’re saying.
We often see this kind of behavior on television when an interviewer feels that they’re losing control of the narrative they’re trying to maintain. Instead of having the courtesy to listen to what the other person is saying, they’ll continually interrupt them and talk over them. This way, not only are they preventing that other person from speaking, they’re dominating the conversation with their own perspective.
It’s one step removed from jamming their fingers in their ears and screaming like children because they don’t want to hear or acknowledge something. If they’re particularly juvenile, they may even try to cover the other person’s mouth with their hand.
6. They pretend to be accepting and open-minded towards other cultures, and then say or do prejudicial things.
A lot of people pat themselves on the back for being so open to different cultures and beliefs, but don’t make a point of actually learning anything about them. Instead, they’ll cherry-pick certain aspects of those cultures or fetishize aspects that intrigue them.
These people, when asked what they love about a particular culture, will mention foods, scents, and entertainment, while simultaneously putting down people from that culture. For instance, they may talk about how excited they are to have an internet friend from a particular country come and visit them, and how delighted they’ll be to show them how to use things like flush toilets and deodorant.
7. They shut down ideas about anything they don’t want to do.
They may seem open-minded and will want to get other people’s feedback on what to do, where to go/eat, etc., but in reality, they know exactly what they want to do. These people simply don’t want to be perceived as demanding or controlling, so they pretend to be open to new things… but they’re just waiting for someone to suggest something that aligns with their goal.
For example, they might ask their friendship group where they should go to dinner, knowing full well that they want Italian food. They’ll shoot down suggestions for sushi, Thai, Persian, and other recommendations with a litany of excuses, get excited when someone suggests pizza or pasta, and decide on that on behalf of the entire group.
8. They parrot what they hear on TV instead of expressing individual opinions.
Closed-minded people are huge adherents to confirmation bias and rarely put things like critical, independent thinking into practice. You could present them with research on a topic from dozens of different countries, and they’ll maintain that their stance is the right one because they heard it on the news.
When asked about their opinion on something, they’ll cite what a particular celebrity said on a morning talk show, and if they’re pressed to express their own ideas, they’ll get more and more uncomfortable before finally walking away and ending the conversation.
9. They prefer to spend time with those who are just like them.
Truly open-minded people are comfortable with all kinds of different people, and this shows in their behavior. They enjoy spending time with others for who they are, and will have friends from different age groups, cultural backgrounds, religions, and so on.
This is a far cry from people who claim to be open-minded, but only socialize with people who look, act, and think the same way they do. Furthermore, if they end up dating someone outside their own culture, they often hesitate to introduce them to their close friends or family because “they just won’t understand”.
Final thoughts…
No matter how open-minded we think we are, there’s always the opportunity for self-reflection and awareness about our behavior and thought patterns. For instance, if we find ourselves making a snap judgment about a person or situation, we can stop and try to figure out where that reaction is coming from. Once we do that, we can overwrite that reaction with a more educated perspective.
Psychology Today tells us there’s no such thing as a completely unbiased person, but we can do our best to be aware of our own blind spots to reframe our views and open our minds as much as possible.
