I think we can all agree that trust forms the foundation of all meaningful relationships. Yet some individuals have mastered the art of appearing trustworthy while harboring hidden agendas. These people can enter our lives as colleagues, friends, or even romantic partners, presenting a carefully crafted exterior that masks their true nature. The disconnect between their projected image and actual behavior creates confusion, making it difficult to identify their deceptive patterns.
Recognizing these behaviors early can save you from manipulation and emotional distress. The most dangerous aspect isn’t their shadiness itself—it’s how skillfully they disguise it behind a facade of reliability and openness. By understanding the subtle signs that reveal their true character, you can protect yourself from those who would exploit your trust for their own gain.
1. They selectively keep promises.
You’ll find that promises flow easily from their lips, yet fulfillment happens on a conditional basis. These individuals maintain just enough follow-through to sustain their trustworthy image while strategically abandoning commitments that don’t serve their interests.
Pay attention to patterns in which promises they keep versus those they “forget.” For example, appointments with influential people are likely to receive priority treatment, while commitments to those with less perceived value mysteriously slip their minds. They’ll show up reliably when others are watching, earning public recognition for their dependability.
The calculated nature of their reliability becomes more apparent over time. They fulfill exactly the minimum number of promises needed to maintain the impression of trustworthiness. When confronted about broken commitments, they’ll have elaborate excuses ready or will minimize the importance of what they promised.
What makes these people particularly deceptive is how they’ll occasionally go above and beyond on highly visible commitments, creating memorable examples they can reference when their reliability is questioned. Genuine trustworthiness isn’t selective—it applies across all situations, not just when it’s advantageous.
2. Their compliments always have strings attached.
When these people need something from you, you can be sure they’ve laid the groundwork beforehand. Unlike genuine appreciation, which flows naturally and without expectation, their compliments operate as social currency. They make deposits before an imminent withdrawal request. If they are particularly crafty, these will be small and subtle to avoid detection.
You might receive praise about your skills a few days before they ask for help with a project, or they’ll admire your generosity before requesting a favor. Many people fall for this pattern repeatedly because the praise feels good, regardless of its sincerity. Our natural desire for validation makes us vulnerable to this kind of manipulation tactic.
To determine whether compliments are being given without ulterior motives, look for balanced admiration in your relationships. Genuine people compliment you during neutral moments, not just in the preamble to asking for something. The latter is a giveaway clue that someone is trying to manipulate you.
3. They create unnecessary time pressure for decisions.
People with less than desirable intentions often use the pressure of sudden deadlines to force you to decide quickly without proper consideration. After all, it’s an approach used by salespeople everywhere. “This opportunity won’t last” becomes their mantra, which creates a sense of urgency around choices that need thoughtful deliberation.
They know that when rushing, you operate from your emotional rather than your rational brain. Marketing experts tell us these limited-time offers suggest scarcity and trigger FOMO, making you more likely to agree to terms you’d otherwise question. They’d likely call it persuasion, but there is a very fine line between persuasion and manipulation.
If you’re unsure whether the person is genuine or not, ask for more time and consider their reaction. If they have shady intentions, rather than understanding, they’ll likely intensify pressure, perhaps suggesting your hesitation indicates a lack of commitment or decisiveness. They might even imply others are waiting to take your place if you delay.
4. They share “confidential information” about others because “they trust you”.
Leaning close, lowering their voice, these people reveal “just between us” details about someone you both know. This behavior creates a false sense of intimacy and trust—after all, they’re letting you into their inner circle of confidence because “they trust you”, so surely you can trust them.
But a lot of people fail to recognize the warning sign: someone willing to violate others’ privacy will likely do the same with yours. Each “secret” shared establishes them as an insider with privileged information while testing your receptivity to gossip.
Often, you’ll find that the stories they share contain subtle character assassinations, which undermine your perception of others while positioning themselves favorably in comparison.
One of the most concerning aspects of these exchanges is how the perpetrator makes you complicit in their behavior. By accepting their gossip, you’ve tacitly approved the violation of confidentiality, making it harder to object when you become the subject.
5. They deflect accountability with charm.
Mistakes happen in life, but how they are addressed reveals a person’s character. When confronted about errors or broken promises, shady individuals who are trying to appear trustworthy will seamlessly shift into charm mode, deploying humor, flattery, or storytelling to distract from the core issue.
Rather than acknowledging responsibility, they’ll make you laugh about the situation, compliment how understanding you are, or share an engaging anecdote that derails the conversation. The interaction leaves you feeling oddly better, despite never receiving a proper apology or solution.
Particularly skilled individuals incorporate self-deprecating humor that appears like accountability (“Classic me, always messing up!”) without actually taking responsibility or changing behavior. The deflection works because charm temporarily satisfies our emotional need for resolution without delivering actual amends.
Genuine accountability should come without deflection. A sincere person acknowledges their impact, offers a genuine apology, and proposes specific changes to fix things. On the flip side, if charm consistently replaces responsibility, you’re dealing with someone who is more invested in maintaining an image than demonstrating integrity.
6. They display curiosity about your vulnerabilities under the guise of connection.
Under the pretence of building friendship and intimacy, these people collect details about your insecurities, financial situation, relationship history, and family dynamics, ready for use later when it serves them.
The betrayal often comes as a shock because their inquiries seemed so thoughtful. You shared freely, believing you were building closeness through mutual disclosure. Only later do you realize the exchange wasn’t entirely reciprocal. These people are careful to offer only calculated, or even falsified, revelations.
This is why it’s important not to overshare when you don’t know someone well. Whilst it can be tempting, especially when the other party seems open to it, the reality is that until you know someone well enough to be sure they will keep your secrets safe, it’s better to assume they won’t.
7. They mirror your values, but their actions don’t align.
Finding someone who shares your core beliefs feels like striking gold in relationships. But as the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Nothing could be more true than when it comes to spotting a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
If someone is using your values as a way to gain your trust, you’ll likely see inconsistency emerge in their actions. For example, perhaps they claim to be a staunch climate change advocate like you, yet they throw recyclable products in the regular trash bin at work. They behave differently when they think no one is watching or make exceptions to principles they once claimed were absolute.
What is particularly revealing is how their expressed values shift depending on the audience. What they passionately advocate for with you might change entirely in different social contexts. People who are truly authentic about their beliefs show consistent behavior regardless of who’s watching, so if there is misalignment, you know they aren’t being 100% genuine.
8. They use technical jargon or complexity to obscure simple truths.
You can usually spot a shady person by the language they use. They often transform simple explanations into convoluted ones to avoid exposing their questionable actions or intentions. When straightforward answers would raise concerns, they construct elaborate terminology and unnecessary complexity to confuse and overwhelm. This is a common strategy used by politicians, and as George Orwell put it, such language is “designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”
Professional settings provide perfect cover for this behavior. Some fields naturally have specialized language, which those with less than honest intentions may exploit by excessively complicating basic concepts. They’ll respond to simple questions with jargon-filled explanations that are beyond your knowledge domain. When you don’t fully understand, you may be more likely to defer to their expertise rather than question further. You may hesitate to request simplification, fearing you’ll appear unintelligent.
Of course, not all people who use technical language are frauds. Some just default to it, forgetting that not everyone knows what they know (my husband is a perfect example of this), but genuinely knowledgeable experts will try their best to explain complex concepts and answer clarifying questions in accessible terms when needed.
9. They respond to questions with questions.
Dodging questions using deflection is a key way that shifty people try to misdirect and confuse, according to Neuro Launch. Instead of providing straightforward answers about their actions or intentions, they might redirect attention to your motives for asking. “Why do you want to know?” they ask, making you defend your perfectly reasonable curiosity. Even worse is when they use manipulative questions like, “Don’t you trust me?” or “Are you checking up on me?”
Simple questions about their whereabouts, decisions, or statements transform into examinations of your reasons for inquiring. You find yourself feeling guilty and explaining your questions rather than receiving answers to them.
Healthy, honest communication involves straightforward answers to reasonable questions. If someone is consistently using deflection through counter-questioning, it suggests that they are attempting to avoid scrutiny because they have something to hide.
Final thoughts…
Recognizing these behaviors represents your first line of defense against those who would exploit your trust. Remember that truly trustworthy people demonstrate consistency between their words and actions. They won’t disrespect your boundaries or use deflection to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes.
Trust your instincts when something feels off about someone’s presentation. That subtle discomfort you experience might be your subconscious recognizing inconsistencies before your conscious mind can articulate them. Whilst we’re not suggesting you should assume ill intent in everyone you meet, it’s important to maintain healthy skepticism until someone proves their trustworthiness through consistent behavior over time.
