The people you allow in your life can lift you up or drag you down. It’s easy to underestimate just how much impact other people have on you if their bad behavior is normalized. People who treat you disrespectfully can fill you with self-doubt, lower your self-esteem, and just make you feel bad.
That’s why you need to be ruthless about protecting your personal space to preserve your happiness and self-respect! Never be afraid to cut ties with people who…
1. Constantly disrespect your boundaries.
Boundaries are how we communicate the way we want to be treated by others. As Psychology Today tells us, boundaries preserve your mental wellness and happiness. When you don’t stand up for yourself, you are telling other people that you’re okay with being treated badly. They will just keep testing and pushing your boundaries for as long as you allow it.
The truth is that someone who genuinely cares about you and your well-being will not constantly disrespect your boundaries. If you push back, they should back off. That’s what a healthy person who genuinely cares about you would do. The person who keeps pushing is trying to wear you down so that you’ll put their needs above yours.
My friend “Sarah” had this issue with her mother, who just would not respect her boundaries. Sarah tried being nice about it, talking to her about it, but her mom persisted, so she could continue to take advantage of Sarah by volunteering her for things and barging into her life unannounced. It’s not acceptable behavior, and it hurt Sarah a lot to need to go no-contact with her mom, for that and many other reasons. But it had to be done.
2. Drain your mental and emotional energy.
There are some people who are just a black hole for mental and emotional energy. Nothing is ever good enough, life is always terrible, everyone is always out to get them, and they do nothing but stew in their self-imposed misery. They find a problem for every solution, and any hopes or dreams they or others have are doomed to failure.
You simply cannot let these people take up too much space in your life. These emotionally draining people will siphon off all your joy and happiness with their constant negativity. Why? Well, being negative is easy. It requires virtually no effort at all to just sit in that dark space. Happiness, on the other hand, often requires effort and energy.
Happy people generally need to be able to process life okay, manage their stress, take care of themselves, and do things that make them happy. These negative people, emotional vampires, sap you of the energy that you need to do that. You can’t make someone happy who wants to be sad. It’s a waste of time and energy.
3. Lie regularly.
Why waste your time with someone whom you can’t trust? The person who is lying regularly is disrupting your peace of mind and happiness. You can never be truly sure of what they may or may not be lying about. How can you trust them? The short answer is – you can’t.
You don’t want to surround yourself with people you can’t trust. There should be a minimum quality for the character of the people you surround yourself with. Honesty is the barest of minimums. Every good relationship is built on trust.
Not only that, but we are often judged by the company we keep. People will associate you with dishonesty and lying if they know you’re okay with having someone like that around you. That can taint your reputation and cause others to question your character, too.
4. Belittle and put you down.
Jokes at your expense, frequent criticism, and condescending behavior are a drain on your mental and emotional well-being. As Medical News Today clarifies, it’s emotional abuse that does long-term, lasting harm.
Allowing yourself to be the butt of unwanted jokes or negative behavior will erode your self-esteem and make you feel bad. Why put up with that? Why waste time on someone who will just drag you down with them?
Good friends are uplifting and supportive. They won’t make jokes at your expense and make you feel bad about yourself. They will respect you. But you can’t find those good friends if you’re wasting your time being traumatized and disrespected by those who don’t see your value.
5. Play the victim card.
There are few things more exhausting than a person who refuses to take responsibility for their mistakes. It’s particularly infuriating because we all know that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. The idea that “nothing is ever my fault, and everyone is against me” is not only tiresome, but so childish because it’s clearly not true.
But that doesn’t stop people from doing it. Yes, it sucks when you make a mistake or cause an issue that you need to take responsibility for, but that’s what healthy people do. They don’t try and shift the blame, make it your fault, or avoid responsibility altogether!
Furthermore, people who perpetually play the victim just aren’t trustworthy because they feel compelled to lie to protect themselves. Sooner or later, that means you’re either going to be the person they blame or lied to so they can protect their own fragility. It’s just not worth it. Healthy relationships are built on trust, and you just can’t trust these people.
6. Manipulate and gaslight you.
You want to be wary of people who regularly twist facts, deny your reality, or make you question your own perspective and judgment. Sure, it’s reasonable that sometimes there will be different perspectives on a given situation. However, the people you need to be concerned about will do this gaslighting often, particularly when you have a problem with something they did.
The longer you accept this behavior, the easier they can manipulate you. Of course, these aren’t the actions of someone you should consider a friend or someone close to you. If they’re manipulating you, they’re doing it to take advantage of you for some ulterior motive.
7. Only reach out when they need something.
There are some people who will latch onto anyone who can do anything beneficial for them. They are selfish and have no desire to be an equal contributor in the relationship. It’s true that life is busy, and we can’t always make time, but this type of person is someone who rarely ever reaches out unless they need something from you.
This person is not your friend. They are just using you because you are convenient and can provide something they need. That could be anything from money to gossiping to being their personal therapist. Emotional vampires also tend to be this way, resurfacing only to complain about the same bad situation that they could have changed a dozen times over but haven’t.
In a healthy relationship, people will reach out to one another off and on. It may not be every day, it may not even be every month! But when they do reach out, it’s to see how you’re doing, not because they want something from you. Don’t waste your time on these one-sided ‘friendships.’ You deserve better.
8. Sabotage your personal growth.
The crabs in a bucket mentality prevents the personal growth of so many people. There are people out there who will smile to your face while doing everything they can to derail your personal growth out of their insecurity and jealousy.
They may be insecure that you will outgrow them. They like the status quo and who you are because you serve them now as you are. If you grow, you may recognize that they are an unhealthy person, or your interests may shift elsewhere. Jealousy is another reason. They may see you doing well and think that you don’t deserve it, or that they are more deserving.
The reason isn’t really relevant, though. What is relevant is just how toxic this behavior can be. There is no reason to keep someone in your life that wants to screw up whatever goodness you’re working toward. That’s a them problem that they need to handle, not a you problem.
Final thoughts…
Not everyone is meant to be in your life for a long time. It may seem that way. You may vibe well with someone and really connect on a deep level, but for some reason, they just can’t seem to do the right things. For many, it’s the result of their own unaddressed problems, causing them to sabotage their life.
It’s okay to let people go who don’t respect your boundaries or bring goodness into your life. In fact, they may need that wake-up call to finally realize they need to change.
