Many books and films have used the trope in which the main character discovers who they are and what they’re capable of after facing (and usually overcoming) intense adversity. Although one might be inclined to dismiss this plot device as a tired cliche, it’s actually quite true.
In fact, there’s a reason why the hero’s journey has been a common theme from ancient myths to modern cinema. Those who have faced the dark night of the soul have come to some intensely profound realizations that they would never have woken to without the adversity they faced. Realizations like these.
1. The fear of an impending challenge is worse than the lived experience.
How much time have you spent worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong in a situation, only to discover after the fact that 95 percent of it (or more) never happened? The aching existential dread and horrifying “what ifs” of what might happen are usually far worse than what you’ll actually go through.
Having experienced homelessness, forest fires, and life-threatening illness, I can tell you firsthand that worrying about the future changes nothing, and the things that are most likely to go wrong are probably not even on your radar.
The best thing you can do is to become the strongest and most capable person you can be, prepare as best you can for plausible worst-case scenarios, and deal with whatever unfolds as it occurs.
2. Wealth of the spirit matters more than the cash you can’t take with you when you die.
Thousands of people in hospice care were asked what their top regrets were, and one of the top five regrets that they had was that they wished they hadn’t worked so hard. The vast majority of them said that they wished they had spent more time with their loved ones and had more adventures throughout their lives, instead of focusing on amassing wealth that they never had the chance to spend.
The experiences that take your breath away and change you on profound levels are far more important than a juicy bank account. After you’ve been through a gauntlet of adversity — be that a devastating injury or intense stress — you realize that the most important things you’ve accumulated in your life are your relationships, your memories, and the emotional/spiritual growth you’ve experienced.
3. Quite often, the only person you can depend upon is yourself.
Many people will tell you that they’ll always be there for you; that they’d take a bullet for you or walk through fire to get to you, but when you need them the most, they miraculously disappear. We like to hope that others will be there for us as we would be for them, but many people who face severe adversity have been shocked to see how their supposed loved ones have walked away and left them to it.
It’s great to have hope and faith that those closest will stand by you during hardship, but be prepared to face life’s greatest trials on your own. Neuro Launch tells us that embracing this mindset is actually quite liberating. And it means that if others do step forward, they can help support you without having to carry you.
Additionally, be sure to recognize and appreciate those who remain by your side through great adversity, as their devotion and integrity are rare treasures that you won’t come across often.
4. Your worth is based on your own mindset and actions, not given by the indulgences of a perceived authority.
If you’re aiming to become an architect or thoracic surgeon, you definitely need to prove your capabilities so you don’t end up doing severe damage. That said, when it comes to your own personal worth, you don’t need any qualifications or certificates, particularly when it comes to simply being human. People who overcome adversity often learn to value themselves in this way.
You can learn to observe human nature so you can be aware of when your friend or partner is upset, even though they haven’t said a word. Similarly, you can be autodidactic in your creative skills and become a great artist, writer, musician, or gardener, without needing anyone else to validate your skills. Most importantly, your worth as an individual isn’t dependent upon how many people are impressed by you. If you’re happy with who you are, how you think, and how you behave, that’s all that matters.
5. Those who posture as being strong and brave are usually cowards.
People generally show their true colors in times of crisis, and many who claim to be brave and strong end up embodying cowardice instead. They might have felt comfortable dominating the social group in fair weather, but they will get quiet and stand behind the crowd when real difficulty arises. It’s the ones who will step forward to get the tribe to safety who have real power, so to speak. Later, the domineering ones will try to reestablish their hold on the midden heap, since the danger has passed and it’s safe to do so.
Those who have passed through the fire know that the loudest ones are usually the most scared and insecure. All their focus is directed to trying to control their externals, not realising that their true strength lies within. In contrast, the quiet, inconspicuous people who keep themselves to themselves will surprise everyone by leaping into action when it’s needed, and stand by friends as well as strangers in the direst circumstances.
6. You are far tougher and stronger than you realize.
If you’ve made it this far, there’s a good chance that you’ve been through some hellacious crap over the years. Some of it might have been so harrowing that you thought it was going to be the end of you… But you’re still here. Furthermore, you’ve learned a lot from what you’ve experienced, and you’ve likely helped others through similar difficulties in turn.
What you need to realize here is that you’re much tougher and stronger than you give yourself credit for. It’s okay to feel frayed and small sometimes, and it’s normal to be haunted by awful things from your past once in a while. The key is to remember that your strength and determination are incredibly powerful, and you’re far more capable than most others have ever acknowledged you to be. Yourself included.
7. There is always room for self-improvement.
Those who have passed through great adversity often take the time to mull over what they could have done better in retrospect. For example, had they been more physically fit, they might have been able to keep running when they needed to. Or, if they’d been able to regulate their emotions more effectively, they could have kept calm and composed instead of panicking in an emergency situation, thus saving themselves (and potentially others) from a good deal of unnecessary hardship.
No matter how well we think we’re doing, there’s always room to improve and grow. Sometimes we can turn a critical eye upon our shortcomings, while in other situations, the perspective of a trusted friend or mentor can help us hone what has been blunted.
8. A complete re-prioritization of what’s actually important and special in your life.
Being put through a crucible does wonders for paring down the clutter in one’s life. More often than not, the people who face and overcome adversity end up having a very clear idea of what they want to be doing and who they want to be doing it with… as well as what they absolutely do not want to continue wasting time with. Furthermore, they develop a profound appreciation for all the things they took for granted or did without thinking on a daily basis.
Suddenly, the cup of coffee they reached for mindlessly as they stared at a screen is treated with immense gratitude. Every meal, every embrace, every book, song, or play session with the dog becomes a moment to be treasured instead of rushed through so they can get on with something they think is more important, because nothing is more important than this.
Final thoughts…
A lot of people suffer from debilitating anxiety due to all the bad things they worry could happen to them, and find that when they actually experience something harrowing, their previous anxieties have dissipated.
This is because once someone has faced adversity and survived it, there are few “what if” worries anymore: they’ve proven themselves to themselves and know that they can handle pretty much anything. Doing things that scare you and choosing to experience hardship will temper your mind and spirit the way strong steel is forged with flame and hammer strikes.
