Personally, I hate the word resilience. It seems to be used more and more to encourage people to “push through” or “get a grip” when it comes to the difficulties life throws at them. Finding things hard, feeling like you’re unable to cope, or refusing to “suck it up” is seen as a sign of a weak character or defect.
But the truth is that resilience isn’t something we’re born with. People aren’t resilient because they can easily weather life storms; they are resilient because of the experiences they’ve weathered and the internal strength they’ve developed along the way. It’s often through hitting rock bottom and feeling like we can’t take anymore, that we find our resilience. If you’ve lived through these 9 experiences, you’ve likely found yours.
1. Persevering through chronic pain or invisible disability.
Living with ongoing physical challenges forces the development of patience beyond what most people require or could ever comprehend in their lifetime. Pain, fatigue, and a host of other issues can rage beneath your seemingly “normal” exterior while you gather strength just to participate in activities others take for granted.
People who’ve never experienced it can’t understand, but chronic pain rewires everything about your daily existence; I can tell you this from personal experience. When you are in constant pain, it can be hard to focus on anything else in your life. Simple tasks seem insurmountable. Plans get canceled when symptoms flare. Eventually, people just stop asking because your unpredictable health makes consistency impossible. Joy seems ever more fleeting, or like it’s slipping away altogether.
But you do keep going. You adapt to the life you now have, which is a sign of resilience, according to chronic pain researchers. You find the strength from somewhere, and each small victory—cooking dinner despite exhaustion, attending a child’s recital despite discomfort, or simply getting through the day—represents a monumental perseverance that most people take for granted.
2. Raising children as a single parent.
Single parents handle responsibilities that were designed for two people. Every. Single Day.
If this is your life, then you know that every decision, success, struggle, and milestone rests squarely on one set of shoulders—yours. Responsibility doesn’t come much bigger than that.
The practical challenges are obvious to most: managing work while coordinating childcare, handling household maintenance, and providing financially without a partner’s income. But the Single Parent Support Network tells us about the less visible demands too, such as being consistently emotionally available to children despite your exhaustion, processing your own feelings without adult support at home, and managing children’s questions or feelings about the absent parent. The mental load alone would overwhelm most people, yet single parents somehow find reserves of strength they never knew existed.
Furthermore, single parents often face judgment from others who don’t understand their circumstances or parenting strategies. Well-meaning friends or family give “advice” that would be easy for a two-parent family to follow, but that’s entirely unrealistic for a single parent.
Single parents must trust their decisions without the validation and support of a co-parent, and this often develops confidence that transfers to other life areas. And what’s more, their children often develop resilience themselves, learning from watching their parent navigate life’s challenges with grit and determination.
3. Overcoming addiction or supporting a loved one through addiction.
Recovery from addiction of any kind represents a profound journey toward resilience. It requires you to confront painful truths about yourself and rebuild every aspect of your life from the ground up.
Individuals who recover have to develop exceptional self-awareness. To stay sober, you need to dig deep to be brutally honest about your triggers, vulnerabilities, and behavioral patterns. You learn to take one day at a time, and you live with the knowledge that you will never truly be “free” because relapse is always just one slip-up away. That takes strength of character and resilience that people who’ve never experienced addiction simply can’t comprehend.
And family members supporting loved ones through addiction develop equally powerful resilience. Watching someone you love struggle in this way creates a heartbreak unlike any other. You have to learn where support ends and enabling begins, and forever question whether you’re doing the right thing.
The emotional intelligence developed during this process, for both the individual and their loved ones, transfers to every subsequent life challenge, creating individuals who understand personal strength in ways others cannot fathom.
4. Overcoming childhood trauma or adverse childhood experiences.
Experiences that should never happen to any child, such as abuse, physical or emotional neglect, family dysfunction, or witnessing violence, leave invisible scars that can shape a person’s behavior for decades.
Most children lack the tools to process such profound pain. The developing brain, designed to learn from every experience, absorbs these traumatic lessons and solidifies them as truths about yourself and the world around you. It can be extremely hard to work past this formative conditioning.
Yet something remarkable can happen when survivors of childhood trauma are able to face their past, often with the help of therapy. The very pain that threatened to define them can become a source of exceptional emotional strength. When they overcome these adverse childhood experiences, they often develop extraordinary empathy, boundary-setting abilities, and emotional intelligence.
If you have experienced such trauma, yet are not defined by it, but by your triumph over it, then you are far more resilient than most.
5. Surviving an abusive relationship and rebuilding your life.
Leaving an abusive relationship marks only the beginning of recovery and the development of epic resilience. The aftermath involves rebuilding confidence, identity, and safety that were systematically undermined during the relationship.
What’s more, many survivors of abuse face ongoing challenges after separation. Financial instability is common, especially if the abuser controlled money or sabotaged employment opportunities. Legal battles for custody or protection orders can create additional stress. And in a time when you need all the support you can get, some survivors of abuse lose friends and family who don’t understand or believe their experiences.
Rebuilding your life after abuse requires confronting painful questions about why and how the relationship developed. This process often occurs while managing trauma symptoms like hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, or anxiety in new relationships.
The resilience developed through this recovery often includes exceptional skill at recognizing subtle red flags in others’ behavior. If you’ve been able to work through and heal this trauma, you’ve likely developed stronger boundaries and greater self-trust, as well as a deeper appreciation for healthy relationships that others might take for granted.
6. Managing a mental health crisis and developing coping strategies for future struggles.
Many people still view those who experience mental health difficulties as weak. But the reality is that those who live with such challenges, whether that be temporarily or for life, are some of the strongest out there.
Mental health crises or ongoing conditions such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder reshape our perception of reality itself, making ordinary functioning seem impossible. Navigating these internal storms requires extraordinary courage, typically invisible to outside observers. Friends continue normal lives while your world narrows to surviving each hour.
Reaching out for professional help demonstrates remarkable courage, and persevering with treatments when your mind is battling against them shows remarkable fortitude.
The harsh reality is that many mental health conditions never fully resolve. Even when things are much improved, they are still there, lurking in the background, ready to take hold. I know this from personal experience with an eating disorder. But often the experience of having reached the very darkest of days brings with it a hard-earned wisdom about your personal limits, triggers, and early warning signs that allow you to recognize approaching storms and implement protective measures before you reach crisis again.
If you’ve lived with mental health struggles, it’s likely you’ve developed exceptional emotional intelligence, compassion for others’ invisible battles, and appreciation for stability that others take for granted.
7. Caring for a seriously ill family member or dependent with additional support needs.
Caregiving demands physical, emotional, and logistical resources beyond what most people ever experience. If you look after someone who is seriously unwell or has complex needs, your life likely revolves around medication schedules, therapy appointments, and constant vigilance while simultaneously managing household responsibilities and often full-time employment. You probably feel close to breaking point many times a day, but somehow you find the strength to keep going.
What’s more, the role typically develops without training or preparation. Navigating healthcare systems requires a skillset that many caregivers never needed before. Healthcare and education professionals often dismiss valid concerns, which necessitates persistent advocacy despite constant exhaustion. This steep learning curve occurs while processing emotions about their loved one’s condition or needs. The stress can take its toll on family dynamics, particularly when there are other caregiving duties to balance.
Experiencing caregiver burnout presents a real risk, too. Regular sleep interruptions, financial strain, and social isolation can all compound over time. Friends may gradually disconnect, not understanding your limited availability or emotional capacity.
The emotional complexity proves particularly challenging for many people. Processing your own feelings of distress at the situation while providing optimistic support and validation creates an internal conflict unlike anything else. To battle this daily is something the average person could never understand.
8. Surviving a significant financial setback or bankruptcy.
Financial disaster creates immediate practical problems while simultaneously challenging your identity and security. Whether it’s caused by job loss, medical bills, divorce, or business failure, severe money problems affect nearly every aspect of daily life.
The practical adjustments, such as moving to less expensive housing, eliminating non-essential expenses, and possibly changing career paths, are only part of the challenge. Equally difficult is managing the emotional impact of financial insecurity and potential judgment from others.
And so many people equate financial status with personal worth, making financial setbacks particularly threatening to self-image. Explaining changed circumstances to family, especially children, creates even more stress to overcome.
Rebuilding yourself and your life after financial collapse demands exceptional problem-solving skills and perspective about what truly matters. If you’ve navigated these challenges, you have likely emerged with better financial management abilities, clearer priorities, and greater appreciation for non-material sources of well-being. Something that people who’ve never experienced this are unlikely to be able to understand.
9. Living through war, political unrest, or displacement.
Experiencing violent conflict or forced displacement creates trauma unlike any other. Basic safety disappears. Normal life structures, such as schools, workplaces, and neighborhoods, may be destroyed. And if you’re separated from your family, this compounds the trauma.
Refugees face additional challenges adapting to new countries. Language barriers, racism, discrimination, complicated legal processes, and limited resources create substantial obstacles. Building a new life requires exceptional determination and adaptability that the average person will never know.
Furthermore, the psychological impact of this experience often continues long after reaching physical safety. Processing witnessed violence or abuses takes significant time, and often a conscious effort. Friends who haven’t experienced conflict firsthand cannot truly understand the ongoing effects.
People who survive these circumstances often develop remarkable coping abilities. Their perspective on what constitutes a genuine problem versus a minor inconvenience becomes exceptionally clear. They typically demonstrate greater appreciation for basics like safety, family connection, and community support. Although brutally earned, this wisdom represents resilience at its most fundamental level.
Final thoughts…
Resilience isn’t measured by avoiding hardship or breezing through it, but by how we rise from the ashes of our most difficult experiences. Each challenge described requires confronting difficult emotions, adapting to changed circumstances, and rebuilding some aspect of life. And this won’t necessarily happen on the first attempt. The people who weather these storms often fell down, gave up, relapsed, or hit rock bottom before somehow summoning the strength to try all over again.
If you recognize your story in these experiences, acknowledge the strength you’ve developed. Your resilience wasn’t given to you—you built it through navigating circumstances that would overwhelm many people. This capacity to try again is a powerful resource that will serve you throughout your life, even as you continue facing new challenges.
