Most of us have known Debbie or Dan “Downer” types over the years. No matter what’s going on around them, they’ll have something negative to say about it. The glass isn’t just half empty in their eyes: it’s full of sludge that someone has put in there as a joke because they hate them.
While some of them may wear their blackened little hearts on their sleeves, others are a bit more subtle about their negative outlook. But you can glean insight about the negative lens they view life through if you hear them say the following phrases.
1. “There’s no use in trying — nothing’s going to change.”
You may be familiar with the phrase “What you’re not changing, you’re choosing”. It’s a good one, as it puts the onus of responsibility on the person who wants change to happen. Quite simply, if they aren’t putting a plan into action, they’re choosing to remain content with their lot in life.
People who are consumed by negativity, however, sincerely believe that nothing positive will ever happen, so there’s no point in trying. Psychology teaches us that this is a learned helplessness in which they allow themselves to get defeated by the tiniest setback, or even self-sabotage when it happens.
As an example, I once worked with a woman who was constantly yo-yo dieting. She’d be diligent for a few days, then lapse and eat something she’d been trying to avoid. Rather than get back on the horse, so to speak, she’d say she’d already failed and, as such, there was no point in trying, and she might as well eat a whole cheesecake. Lather, rinse, repeat.
2. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
When someone has had their trust shaken, either by betrayal or by broken promises, they don’t just find it difficult to have faith: they may find it impossible. As such, they don’t believe in anything until (or unless) they either see it with their own eyes or touch it with their own hands.
If someone gives them their word, they’ll just shrug. Promises mean nothing to them, and they learned a long time ago that the only person they can truly count on is themselves. They’re so convinced that they’ll be let down or betrayed that they don’t trust anyone with anything, and are perpetually on their guard for the worst to happen.
3. “Don’t get your hopes up about it.”
A person who has been disappointed too many times has learned not to get excited about anything because they assume it’ll inevitably be taken from them or will never come to pass. These are the people who don’t look forward to anything in case it gets cancelled or they get sick, or any other number of issues that’ll steal what little pleasure they have in life.
They won’t allow themselves to enjoy any sense of anticipation about something, and will only feel moderately more comfortable once they’re in the midst of the thing.
For example, they’ll only feel excited about a new job once the contract is signed, and will only enjoy a get-together when they’re actually in attendance with a snack in hand. Even then, they’ll be hypervigilant that it was all a joke, and their joy will be taken from them momentarily.
4. “Life isn’t fair: that’s just the way it is.”
A person who says this phrase regularly focuses entirely on life’s injustices and helplessness. They may have witnessed unfairness and mistreatment firsthand on too many occasions and have long given up on any illusion that justice and righteousness exist in this world.
As a result, any time they experience a disappointment — or deal with someone else who’s feeling let down or hurt about an injustice of some type — they’ll simply shrug and comment about how it is what it is, and it’s ridiculous to expect otherwise.
5. “They don’t actually care about or like me.”
It’s incredibly frustrating when someone accuses others of thinking or feeling a certain way, because it nearly always involves projection rather than ESP (extrasensory perception). A person who deals with issues like rejection aversion or social anxiety will naturally assume others don’t care about them, are judging them harshly, or downright hate them.
These negative assumptions of what others think or feel may have no base in reality whatsoever, but are simply part of the narrative this person has woven for themselves. If they see coworkers chatting across the room, the assumption will be that they’re gossiping negatively about them. Unfortunately, even when they’re included, they’ll assume it’s out of pity rather than genuine care.
6. “That sounds too good to be true.”
A person who says this regularly is suspicious or cynical about pretty much everything. If they see something delicious on sale at the grocery store, they’ll assume it’s gone bad. Similarly, if someone offers them something solely out of generosity and kindness, they’ll immediately ask what the catch is.
They have great trouble believing in real kindness and altruism, and assume that those around them are out to get them in one way or another. This can also be a form of projection: since they’re unlikely to do a kindness for another without recompense, they believe everyone else approaches life the same way, too.
7. “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
When someone has been through many challenging ordeals, they hesitate to relax in any kind of pleasant scenario because they expect the rug to be pulled out from under them at any given moment.
Some may even self-sabotage to pre-empt what they feel will be inevitable disappointment and/or heartbreak. For example, if their relationship is going “too well”, they might cause drama to break things off and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
8. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”
Those who feel perpetually worn down or exhausted by the storm and stress of day-to-day existence often feel overwhelmed by even the smallest inconveniences. Their nervous systems are perpetually in threat mode, and they don’t have much bandwidth to contend with unexpected delays or any other surprise obstacles.
People like this often have to carry more than their fair share of burdens — both domestic and work-related. Rather than enjoying life, they see it as something to endure; a slog of hardship, obligation, and annoyance until they’re finally allowed to go.
9. “Yeah, it’s nice — too bad it won’t last.”
This is an Eeyore-ism if ever there was one. Negative people who never have anything nice to say don’t just wallow in their own misery: they do their best to douse everyone else’s flames as well. Instead of enjoying something while it’s happening, they immediately focus on the fact that it’s a temporary pleasure, will be over shortly, and will undoubtedly be replaced by something unpleasant.
These are the types of people who call attention to the downside of every situation. For example, if a person announces a pregnancy, they’ll talk about the inevitable sleepless nights ahead instead of offering congratulations. It’s sad, but it seems like they’re pretty much incapable of experiencing real joy: they’re so fixated on its end that its ephemeral delight is drowned in a sea of muck.
Final thoughts…
There are countless reasons why someone might view life through a negative lens, and none of them are particularly happy. Someone who expects the worst has likely gone through a lot of hardship and misery in their life, without much in the way of silver linings.
While it can be really annoying to deal with those who are perpetual downers, it’s important to remember that they didn’t choose to be so miserable. Quite often, showing them kindness, and that life has some awesome things to experience can be enough to turn their perspective around, even if only a little bit.
