If you ask the average person whether they’re living authentically, embodying their most important personal principles, the chances are high that they’ll say no. Just about everyone you meet takes part in some type of behavior that’s incompatible with who they actually want to be, but they do them anyway — to fit in, to get ahead, to accrue wealth or status, or any other number of reasons.
The behaviors listed below tend to be “popular” ones that many people partake in, but they are completely incompatible with living authentically and ethically.
1. Taking part in the cult of stupidity.
An astonishing number of people “play dumb” to appear more stupid than they actually are. Some of them do this so others don’t expect much of them and they can have an easier time of things, while others tone down their intellect to be more accepted by their peers..
As a result, they’ll cultivate certain modes of speaking (i.e., inflection, vocabulary, slang phrases, and so on) to echo those around them. They might even take part in silly, immature behavior to entertain others. This is all a charade, of course, and as such is anathema to living authentically.
2. Choosing to play along to fit in so they get ahead.
Almost everyone you meet will admit to having been in a situation where they didn’t speak up when someone said something offensive or abusive because they didn’t want to risk wrath or reprisal. For example, a superior at work might have made a bigoted joke (or other slur), and they laughed nervously or played along instead of calling them out on how unacceptable that was. Doing otherwise might draw negative attention to them and therefore risk career advancement.
Other people simply mirror what others are saying or doing instead of being authentic in their life choices. They might dress in the same brand-name clothing items that their peers choose, for example, even though they’d prefer to wear ethically made clothing made of natural fibers: they don’t want to be “othered” and thereby risk losing social status, so they opt for the safety of sameness instead.
3. Favoring groupthink instead of thinking for themselves.
People who are afraid to go against the grain or deal with conflict from those around them might choose to ignore their own thoughts about various topics in favor of going along with what everyone else is thinking, saying, and doing. Over time, they might even start believing what they’re echoing, even though the nagging voice inside them is encouraging them to analyze things from different perspectives.
I’ve been reprimanded by relatives for critically analyzing things and told to stop thinking so much because it’ll drive me crazy. When I’ve challenged them about the phrases they repeat, they just shrug and say that it’s what they saw on TV and it’s what “everyone else is saying”, so that’s just how things are. While repeating common slogans or adopting groupthink might be a lot easier and more comfortable than thinking outside the box, it’s no way to live an authentic, principled life.
4. “Someone else’s problem.”
Many of us grew up with parents who adhered to the S.E.P mentality: that whatever ripple effects might ensue from their irresponsible actions are “someone else’s problem”, and therefore nothing for them to care about. This mindset is what has led to worldwide pollution and other environmental damage.
It’s very easy to choose unethical products and services rather than researching them to see how they’re made. Few people want to consider that their favorite clothing brand uses underage forced labor in developing countries, or that profits from the snacks they love are used to fund war crimes overseas. Making ethical decisions means sacrificing one’s own pleasure or amusement, which most people don’t want to do.
5. Joining a mob to condemn or punish others.
A lot of people are quick to judge, condemn, and/or punish those whom they feel have done wrong — often before they’ve confirmed details of what actually happened, or weighed evidence to determine whether the object of their ire is guilty or not. This mob mentality has led to countless people being harassed or doxxed, as well as ostracized from their communities, fired from their jobs, and so on.
Those who think more rationally and try to encourage others to use logic and reason before taking action are usually condemned alongside the target. They might even be accused of having similar leanings or being guilty of the same thing the mob is seeking to punish. As a result, these people may not try to reason with the throng but will instead either hang back or grab a torch and pitchfork and join in for the sake of inclusion (or self-preservation).
6. Putting money and acquisition before all else.
There are a lot of expectations about what people should or shouldn’t be doing in their lives, and those often include getting milestone acquisitions like a car, a house, and X amount of savings. As a result, many people go against their own principles to attain these things and the social acceptance that goes along with them.
But putting acquisitions first, above personal health (both physical and mental), relationships, and ethics, will only wear a person down over time. Furthermore, they may find that they lose the things that are truly important to them because they’re working long hours at a job they despise to maintain a lifestyle they don’t actually want.
People aren’t Ferengi. We need more than just “stuff” to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
7. Lying about or stealing things that “don’t really matter.”
Whether at work or home, many people take part in behaviors that go against the morals and ethics that they claim to hold because they see them as so insignificant that they don’t really matter. These include little lies or small thefts that don’t seem all that important, and will probably never be an issue if the perpetrator isn’t caught.
At work, for example, they might get coworkers to swipe in or out for them so they can leave early or take some extra time on their lunch break, but still get paid for the time they were out. The person swiping for them might feel terrible about helping them essentially commit fraud, but will do so to stay “part of the team”. Similarly, they may not tell management when people are stealing office supplies because they’ve been encouraged to do it as well.
8. Altering personal habits to suit others’ preferences.
A lot of people feel pressured to take part in social functions or other activities that they really don’t want to do for the sake of personal gain. For example, a person who wants to stay sober might feel pressured to have “just one drink” with a potential business partner to avoid offending or upsetting them.
Others may acquiesce to spending time with horrible extended family members who treat them poorly, make atrocious racist or sexist jokes, or are known abusers, in the hope that they’ll secure some kind of inheritance from them. They loathe these people on a soul-deep level and would love to put them in their place, but the risk of losing a potential reward is too great.
Final thoughts…
Most people want to belong, and feel that they need to go along with their social groups out of a sense of loyalty to them — even if what these folks are doing goes contrary to their own ethics. The idea of losing their social net is worse than the self-loathing they feel when they take part in actions that go against their natural leanings.
Living authentically when conformity is rewarded can result in fewer big breaks, and it runs the risk of alienating certain acquaintances, but those are a small price to pay for self-respect.
