Life can be so difficult at times. As time goes on, we lose opportunities, friends, family, and things change, sometimes not for the better. However, you can’t just give up and let yourself fall into those negative thoughts and dwell in the bleak spaces. If you don’t make a proactive effort, then entropy will win, dragging you down into depression, bitterness, and misery.
And we want to avoid that! We have to make the best out of life that we can, even when it’s not all that good. What I want to share with you are habits and behaviors that will sabotage your future happiness. Keep your eye out for these behaviors so you can intervene before they start to harm you.
1. They stop being curious and think they know everything.
Instead of learning, exploring, and changing with the times, those who end up unhappy often cling to what’s familiar. By clinging, they prevent themselves from growing. They don’t keep up with the times, which makes it harder for them to find happiness in the future because the unknown is so scary and uncomfortable for a lot of people.
Learning is its own reward. However, it provides an additional benefit of exercising your brain. Research shows that exercising your brain with learning and logic puzzles can help stave off Alzheimer’s and dementia in seniors. Plus, it helps keep depression and apathy from setting in.
2. They start holding grudges instead of forgiving.
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is that of forgiving people who wrong you. I know how that sounds, but stay with me. When people hear “forgive them,” they are envisioning a traditional apology where the other person feels bad about what they did and wants to make amends. However, there are plenty of terrible people out there who do not care that they hurt you. Expecting that form of apology from them just leads to misery and heartache, just like grudges do.
“But they did something terrible to me!” I know. The way I personally approach this problem is by considering what their life must be like, being that kind of person. For example, let’s say an angry person picks a fight with you. You are justifiably angry and upset that it happened, but it’s clear the other person doesn’t care, and they aren’t going to apologize. So, what I do is I consider how their life must be.
I lived as an angry man for a long time, and it’s pretty much just all bad. Anger issues are embarrassing and screw up relationships. No one wants to be yelled at or walk on eggshells around their partner or friend. That unpleasant person is probably lonely, which is probably driving their anger. What a sad life they must live. That doesn’t make what they did okay, but it does help me to accept it.
3. They compare their life to everyone else’s.
Social media has done so much damage to mental health and happiness. Some people post their chaos and difficulties on social media, but it usually comes from a place of attention-seeking. Then you have people who are genuinely having a hard time, who may or may not post. What people do tend to post are the highlights of their lives.
You cannot spend your time looking at the things other people are doing, feeding envy and jealousy. It’s only natural to feel a little jealous when other people have opportunities or things that you want, but you don’t want to feed that because it’s just a negative anchor that sits in your soul. It colors everything in depression, bitterness, and anger.
Besides, most people aren’t being entirely truthful in the way they curate their existence. How many people have you seen talking about how happy their relationship is? And then a few months later, they’re changing their relationship status to “It’s Complicated” or “Single.”
4. They talk more about the “good old days” than the present.
Some nostalgia is fine, but when you’re only thinking and reminiscing about the past, you’re no longer mindfully living in the present. To be in the present, you have to be thinking about the present and what’s coming ahead instead of falling behind. Time only goes forward, after all, so you can’t stay living in the past if you want to be happy now.
That’s why we need to stay proactive and engaged with life as we get older. Set new goals, dream new dreams, and find a new purpose, so you always have something to look forward to. If you have a reason to look ahead, then you don’t spend as much time looking behind.
5. They socially isolate themselves.
Loneliness is a big problem for seniors. As life goes on, you lose more friends and family, circumstances change, and it can be hard to keep up. Not only that, but once you do start suffering losses, you have to find a healthy way to cope with those feelings. That is far easier said than done. How do you handle when people you love die and you lose pieces of yourself to it?
What do you do? Well, what most people do is close themselves off. They stop making friends because they don’t want to deal with the pain of losing other people. That causes them to become socially isolated and lonely, which fuels depression, bitterness, and resentment.
It’s important to stay social as you get older, to make new friends and meet new people. It’s healthy for you mentally and physically.
6. They refuse to take responsibility for their unhappiness.
No one else can make you happy. People have a hard enough time creating joy and happiness for themselves. Expecting other people to do it is just an exercise in futility. The people you may be looking for that kind of support from may not even be happy themselves. The only way to be happy is to address the issues that are making you unhappy and try to do better.
The first step is to figure out what is making you unhappy. It’s a good idea to unwind this with a therapist, because if you have chronic unhappiness, it may be the result of trauma or some other issue along those lines.
7. They resist change, even when it’s clearly needed.
Some folks get stuck in their ways. They live their life in a particular way for a long time, and it becomes much harder to change the deeper they fall into their habits. In fact, many will choose not to get out of them just because they happen to be familiar. Familiar discomfort is easier for most to handle than unfamiliar discomfort.
That’s one of many reasons so many people stay in abusive relationships.
Life changes. There’s no avoiding it. You can either try to cling to what is making you unhappy, or take the risk, let go, and open yourself to the potential for something new. It’s not easy. Change is hard, but it’s necessary if you want to get the most out of life.
8. They stop taking care of their mental and physical health.
As we get older, we age, and our health will start to slip and decline. It’s so important to create healthy habits early and carry them on throughout your life. It’s much easier to maintain your health than it is to take your health from bad and improve it to good, whether it’s physical or mental.
Keeping up with your mental health will help stave off degeneration of gray matter and stall development of diseases like Alzheimer’s and dementia. Working on your physical health will help you stay mobile, flexible, and keep your muscles strong for longer. That also makes it easier for you to heal and keep your balance to protect yourself from falls.
A sedentary lifestyle is bad for both your physical and mental health. It can make depression so much worse. Get and stay active, as much as you can.
9. They talk themselves out of joy because they’re “too old.”
Honestly, this is just depression talking. There are plenty of things you can do when you’re old. Hell, there are seniors and retirees doing things like skydiving or taking adventurous hiking trips. Does that mean you can do EVERYTHING? No. But to say you can’t create happiness in your life or better yourself just because you’re older is not only not true, but incredibly shortsighted.
It’s often easier for older people to get things accomplished because they have more resources and more life experience. They know things that don’t work, they can see them more easily, and they can choose to adapt. Age, in that scenario, is actually quite beneficial.
Final thoughts…
It takes proactive effort to stay out of the hole of depression that will fuel bitterness and misery. As you get older, you want to keep yourself engaged in life. Learn new things, meet new people, try to keep up with technology, take some classes, watch some videos, or whatever else!
The important thing is that you don’t just sit down and wait to die. That is a waste of valuable, limited time. Happiness is out there for you, too.
