Most of us remember how emotionally volatile we were in our youth. How many arguments grew from misunderstandings or assumptions? And how often did we lie awake at night, wracked with anxiety about potential confrontations?
If you experienced these things as well, you likely chuckle about them in hindsight, wishing you had the emotional maturity then, that you have now. In fact, if you recognize these behaviors, the sheer amount of emotional intelligence you’ve developed since turning 60 is quite evident.
1. You seek to understand the full picture rather than reacting based on assumptions.
If you spend much time on social media, you’ve likely noticed that the comments section under any given image or video is full of assumptions about what’s going on. Emotionally unintelligent people will look at an image or clip and think that they know the motivations of everyone involved, and will loudly proclaim what each individual thinks, feels, and intends.
In contrast, you’ve lived long enough to recognize that there are countless motivating factors behind everyone’s behavior. As such, you understand that nobody can assume things about others based on personal experience. That’s just projecting, rather than delving into the heart of the matter. If you’re an emotionally intelligent 60-year-old, you’ll ask questions, analyze the situation, and only then do you decide how you think or feel about it.
2. When you make a mistake, you own it and make amends instead of getting defensive.
Many younger people are quick to justify their poor behaviors rather than accepting responsibility for them. They’ll often turn things around and blame others for their own wrongdoing, or simply ghost everyone around them long enough for their mistake to be forgotten. Then they’ll pick things back up when there’s little chance of being held accountable for what they’ve done. This is a common behavior when someone feels shame about what they’ve done or is afraid of confrontation.
But if you’ve developed emotional intelligence with age, you’re probably more aware of how important it is to accept responsibility for your missteps, as well as taking action to make amends for them. For example, this might involve apologizing for doing something that hurts your grown children, and making a concerted effort to avoid doing so again in the future, or making things up to a friend whose feelings you may have hurt with a thoughtless, offhand comment.
3. You show support to others rather than invalidating their experience.
Many individuals are quick to brush off others’ experiences by comparing them to their own, or by drawing upon theoretical knowledge rather than listening to what someone else is going through. A lot of people have experienced this kind of invalidation from healthcare providers, where they’ve described their symptoms and been brushed off as either over-exaggerating them or told that they’re simply seeking attention.
Over the course of your life so far, you may have been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior so many times that you refuse to embody it yourself. Instead, you listen and pay attention when others are telling you about their troubles, and show support however you can. You know full well that just because you can’t relate to something personally, that doesn’t mean it isn’t real and valid.
4. When you don’t know something, you admit it and ask questions, rather than pretending otherwise.
A lot of younger people are uncomfortable admitting that they don’t know something, especially if they’re in a position of perceived authority or popularity. To them, saying “I don’t know” implies ignorance or weakness. As such, they’d rather pretend that they’re already familiar with a subject and then redirect attention away from it than own up to their lack of awareness about it.
This is in stark contrast to those who’ve developed immense emotional intelligence as they’ve grown older. For example, if you now come across a subject that you don’t know about, or are asked a question that you don’t know the answer to, you’ll admit it. Furthermore, you either ask for information about it or make a point of researching it in order to educate yourself.
This behavior doesn’t just earn you immense respect from others, but also helps you to live a more honest, authentic life. You know that admitting that you don’t know something offers you a great opportunity to learn, while simultaneously showing others that you’re humble enough to admit your shortcomings.
5. You’re comfortable saying “no” rather than people-pleasing to your detriment.
When you were younger, you may have gone all-out to help people whenever they asked for your assistance — even if you were already feeling drained. Furthermore, you may have taken on more than your fair share of responsibility or felt guilty about turning anyone down because you didn’t want to disappoint or upset them.
But if your emotional intelligence has increased with your age, you will have learned that setting yourself on fire to warm others doesn’t do anyone any good. This doesn’t mean that you live selfishly, but rather that you recognize your own limitations and have learned to set healthy boundaries in order to take care of yourself. As a result, you’ve likely earned more respect from others, rather than being taken for granted.
6. You place great emphasis on gratitude.
Both the aging process and various health issues can make a person acutely aware of how precious every moment can be. Although some may spend their time endlessly complaining about their various woes, emotionally intelligent people take an alternate route: they choose to focus on all the things they’re grateful for instead.
For example, like Instagram “Nana” Diane Shiffer, perhaps you savor all the little everyday moments that bring you whimsy, peace, and joy. Maybe you watch birds in the garden while sipping your morning coffee, or revel in the warmth of a crackling evening fire. Every meal is a symphony, every hug from a loved one is appreciated, and you take every opportunity to have fun, whenever possible.
7. You don’t take other people’s behaviors personally.
Of the many lessons you’ve likely learned over the six decades that you’ve been dancing upon this beautiful planet, one of the most important ones is that other people’s actions rarely have anything to do with anyone else. Instead, they reflect whatever turmoil that individual is dealing with, projected onto whoever is within attack range.
As such, with emotional intelligence comes the understanding that you don’t need to take their actions personally. You recognize that everyone is fighting internal battles that few others are even aware of, and if some random stranger lashes out at you at the grocery store or coffee shop, it’s likely because they’re going through something awful. The bottom line here is that you know it’s not you, it’s them, and you can feel immense empathy and compassion for their pain.
8. You’ve become quite fearless.
At this point, you’ve lived long enough to have learned two important things:
- Worrying about things hasn’t alleviated any stress or upset whatsoever.
- You have successfully dealt with every bit of difficulty you’ve experienced in your life thus far.
If you’ve taken on board these lessons, it’s likely there’s very little that scares you anymore. You realize that none of your catastrophizing has ever come to pass the way you imagined, and every difficulty you’ve been through has become proof of your capability. Sure, you’ll react to things that may cause you real danger, like a kitchen fire or a mountain lion, but well-developed emotional intelligence gives you a level of fearlessness that allows you to navigate your golden years with immense grace and courage.
Final thoughts…
Marcel Proust once said: “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.” If you recognize the behaviors in this article, then all of the wisdom that you have accumulated in your 60+ years has formed you into a much more resilient, self-aware, and immeasurably emotionally intelligent person.
You always had those traits, but time and experience have polished them to diamond-like radiance. We keep on learning and growing as long as we’re here, of course, but these behaviors show that you’re further ahead in your spiritual evolution than you may realize.
