If most novels and films were to be believed, the way that love is expressed revolves around big, romantic gestures like a surprise getaway to a luxury resort in Amalfi, or candlelit soirees with seductive music and a passionate night to follow.
In reality, real love is usually expressed in far more banal ways that rarely make an appearance on the big screen. That said, if you and your partner do these “boring” little behaviors on a regular basis, they speak volumes about just how much the two of you truly love each other.
1. Making sure they have clean socks and underwear.
There are few things as comforting and smile-inducing as opening up the closet or dresser drawer and finding clean, fresh clothes in there. Life keeps us busy, and we often fall behind on simple tasks, so when someone loves us enough to make sure our basics are taken care of and are there for us when needed, that’s really special.
It’s not always about the socks and undies, either. This type of care can also be shown by ensuring that their car’s gas tank is full and their favorite snack is always in the cupboard. Small, courteous gestures like these tell them you love them without being overtly demonstrative.
2. Taking care of the chores they hate so they don’t have to do them.
My partner hates putting away the cutlery after the dishes have been washed. She’s not sure why: she just despises that chore immensely. It doesn’t bother me at all, so I take care of it — that way, she doesn’t have to. Similarly, I hate folding laundry because I find it boring and tedious. Guess who takes care of that, so I don’t have to?
These little gestures express love so clearly because one is taking something on that they don’t necessarily have to do themselves, but will spare their partner discomfort or annoyance. You’re letting them know that you’ll willingly deal with the mess or the tedium to make their life just a bit brighter.
3. Routines that can be depended upon.
There are few things as attractive about a person as knowing that they can be depended upon to do what they said they would. If they commit to a set of chores, you can trust that they’ll be taken care of without hundreds of reminders. Similarly, you can trust that they’ll pick up the kids from school as per the established schedule, so little Timmy doesn’t call you in a panic at 5 pm, wondering why he’s been abandoned to the wolves.
These dependable routines can also involve cooking the same types of meals on a weekly basis because they’re comforting and won’t cause indigestion, or memorizing each other’s favorite food delivery options so there’s no meal prep needed on harrowing work nights. Together, the two of you function like a well-oiled machine rather than high-strung cogs that catch on each other repeatedly.
4. A lack of drama.
Some people think that love is always passionate and fiery, and if there isn’t any drama present, then there’s something “wrong”. In reality, the absence of conflict and drama can attest to an immensely peaceful, loving, and harmonious relationship.
People who truly love each other make a point of discussing potential issues calmly and rationally, so they can seek a resolution that works well for everyone. They do their best not to raise their voices, and they don’t throw things because they care about and respect one another. And if they struggle with emotional regulation, they’ll do their best to work on that so that it doesn’t impact their partner.
Someone who truly cares about their partner knows the difference between drama and love and will do anything to avoid causing their partner harm.
5. Working long hours to ensure bills are paid.
Love is getting up after a night of grief, despair, pain, or insomnia, and still going to work to ensure that you and your family remain housed and fed. It sometimes involves working at jobs that neither of you particularly likes because bills need to be paid, and the fridge that’s been on the fritz for a year needs to be replaced.
It’s easy to walk away from a situation that’s annoying or tedious, even when the claim of love is present. It’s much more difficult to keep on trudging forward through rough times together. But that’s the enduring nature of sincere love: you’re shoulder to shoulder, come what may.
6. Falling asleep while watching movies on the couch together.
While some people may insist that the ideal physical manifestations of love are passionate sex, exchanging expensive gifts, and attending fun events together, there’s nothing quite like the ability to curl up with the one you love on a Saturday night and fall asleep while watching a terrible movie.
This shows complete comfort in vulnerability, as well as the knowledge that both are safe and protected. Furthermore, you both know that you don’t have to be performative with one another. You can be completely yourselves, as weird and quirky as you want to be, and share snacks and screen time without being constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. The two of you love and accept each other wholly, including being supportive of each other’s terrible film choices.
7. Absolute comfort in companionable silence.
While this might appear boring to onlookers (particularly adolescent offspring), it’s actually one of the greatest signs of sincere, enduring love. There are few things as sacred as being able to share a space with a person in perfect, companionable silence, without the pressing urge to fill that silence with hollow conversation.
Doing this together shows one another just how completely you trust one another. You can simply “be” in that space together, without being performative or expecting the other person to keep you entertained. Whether you’re reading quietly, listening to the rain, or watching a fire crackle in the hearth, you’re perfectly content in each other’s company — in love and trust.
Final thoughts…
Most of us have fond memories of the whirlwind romances we’ve had in the past, but if those connections had been meant to last, they would have. The thing about those fiery, passionate connections is that they burn brightly, but fade quickly.
In contrast, the hearth fire that takes longer to kindle burns deeply and dependably as long as fuel keeps being added to it. While it may seem “boring” at times, that comfortable blaze is far more beautiful and pleasant than a raging inferno that may cause an insane amount of destruction in its wake.
