If an unbiased group of peers were told the things you believe about yourself, what evidence would prove them to be true? In particular, the negative perceptions you have about yourself, whether it’s about your capabilities, your appeal, or your value as a human being.
It’s more than likely that the ill-founded beliefs you have about yourself have been limiting your joy and clouding your perceptions of your personal worth. If any of the following beliefs ring true to you, now is the time to let them go before they limit you and your life forever.
1. Believing you’re the wrong age for the thing you’re interested in (too old, too young, etc.).
Far too many people talk themselves out of pursuing the things they’re interested in because they feel that they’re the wrong age to partake in them. For example, someone might think that they’re too old to change careers or go back to university, so they resign themselves to their current state and give up on their dreams. Others may think that they’re too young to enjoy pursuits normally done by older folks, like tai chi, quilting, lawn bowling, and so on, even though they’d love to do these things on a regular basis.
The things that bring people joy and fulfillment have no specified, limited age bracket. There may be a few struggles here and there if someone hasn’t written an academic paper for a while or needs to learn some new skills, but those struggles can happen at any age. Don’t hold yourself back from experiencing joy due to self-imposed strictures and misconceptions.
2. Believing your personal struggles or capabilities mean you won’t be able to do things that bring you joy.
There’s a lovely woman I follow on Instagram named Mia: she’s a skilled fibre artist and costumer, and she doesn’t let her disabilities get in the way of doing things that bring her joy. Recently, she posted about how she reframed the idea of “what if” with “even if” with regard to her physical limitations. For example, she said: “Even if I am in pain, and more limited in the new year with regard to things I want to do, I will still find things that make me happy.”
I’ve been struggling with frustration and resentment after a health issue I had last summer, one that has limited me in ways that I’d never experienced before. This “even if” mindset has allowed me to move past that frustration and explore new things that I can do — and that I enjoy doing — instead of focusing on all the things I can no longer do. This has been immensely freeing and has set me on a much more positive path than I could have imagined. I highly recommend that you try it out, too.
3. Believing you’re either too much or not enough for those around you.
This is a belief that many people struggle with, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Those they’ve been involved with may have tried to convince them that they’re either too much of this or not enough of that, in an attempt to make them more pliant and personally desirable.
The people who truly love you, care about you, and want you in their lives embrace every aspect of you exactly as you are. If someone feels that you’re too much in some way, then let them go elsewhere and find less. And if you aren’t enough for them, walk away: they can go find someone who is, and you can redirect your energy towards those who deserve you.
4. Believing that you aren’t creative.
Every child on earth is born with a creative streak. We witness this in the drawings and paintings they show off proudly, as well as the imaginative play they engage in. Unfortunately, that creativity is often quashed by other people’s cruelty, such as a teacher who tells them that they have no talent or an abusive partner who laughs at their joy.
Others lose their creative drive due to being in constant survival mode for years at a time. If what they’re doing isn’t keeping their family housed and fed, then it’s perceived as self-indulgent and useless.
If you’ve been feeling this way, please know that your creativity is a vital part of who you are, and it’s so important to reconnect with it. Creativity can manifest in countless ways, from fine art and handicrafts to coding, cooking, or baking. Find something that brings you joy, and set your artistic inclinations free in that direction.
5. Believing that you really are as awful as the worst person in your life says you are.
If you have terrible self-esteem because someone in your life has continually told you how atrocious you are, take some time to write down every unpleasant thing they’ve ever accused you of. Then be honest with yourself about whether you actually embody those traits or not. If you have close friends and/or a therapist you trust, go over that list with them and ask for their feedback about it.
You can be 99 percent sure that the terrible things you’ve been accused of are actually other people’s poor perceptions of themselves, projected onto you. Alternatively, other people may have been cutting you down due to jealousy, malice, or the desire to break your spirit so you’re more easily manipulated. You are a living miracle, and other people’s cruelties shouldn’t be allowed to dampen your spirit for a moment longer.
6. Believing that other people’s needs come first.
Many people de-prioritize their own needs and wants because they’ve been trained to always put others ahead of themselves — even when and if it damages them to do so. If you’ve been feeling resentful and burned out because you feel obligated to prioritize others ahead of yourself, now is the time to recognize your worth and the importance of making yourself a priority as well.
You can say “no” to doing things for others that they’re capable of doing themselves, and you have permission to stand up to those who have been taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions, and their lack of planning or task management doesn’t constitute an emergency for you to deal with. Do what’s necessary to regulate your own nervous system and nurture your peace, first and foremost.
7. Believing that you’ll never get ahead.
This often happens to those who have been stuck in survival mode for quite a while: they start to believe that they’ll never get out of it. In fact, you may have resigned yourself to the idea that you’ll be struggling and barely surviving from day to day for the rest of whatever life you may have left.
While things may seem dire at the moment, that doesn’t mean it’ll be like this forever. In fact, there are almost always options available to you that can help you to pull yourself out of the hole you feel that you’re in right now. Don’t be afraid to be honest with those closest to you and reach out for help when needed. Take advantage of the resources at your disposal, and make solid plans to extricate yourself asap. Otherwise, the belief that you’ll never get ahead may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
8. Believing that you somehow don’t “deserve” to be happy.
Far too many people feel that they’re unworthy of love or fulfillment and therefore don’t deserve the happiness they seek. Some may hold onto this limiting belief because they’re punishing themselves for past behaviors that they’re still ashamed of, while others have been treated horribly by those who have made them feel worthless and undeserving.
You deserve just as much love and compassion as anyone else, and that also extends to finding your own joy. We all make mistakes — sometimes really awful ones — but those experiences should be life lessons, not life sentences. Try to learn to forgive yourself, and open doors of opportunity and happiness for yourself instead of walling yourself into darkness and despair in perceived penance.
Final thoughts…
Whenever you find that you’re talking down to yourself, using these limited beliefs as guidelines for decision making, ask yourself one question: “Is this belief actually true?”
You’d be amazed at how that one clarifying question can shed light on just how much you’ve been limiting yourself with ideas and beliefs that have no basis in reality. Treat yourself the same way you would a dear friend who’s holding themselves back from a fulfilled life with their clouded judgment and self-condemnation: with encouragement, compassion, and truth.
