I don’t know about you, but I hear and read a lot of people say, “IF I die…”, rather than when. Our imminent departure from this realm isn’t something that most individuals like to think about, because there are so many fears associated with it. As such, they try to avoid the topic as much as possible and deny its inevitability even as the deadline looms ever closer.
If you face your mortality head-on, however, instead of sticking your head in the sand about it, some rather wonderful things start to happen. Things like these:
1. You get a greater opportunity to enjoy that which is around you.
If you’ve spent much time in public around other people recently, you’ve likely noticed that most of them wander around with their eyes glued to their phones. Furthermore, even if you get out of the city and head into wild spaces, you’ll find that most people bring their creature comforts with them. I live in a very rural area, and weekend campers and cottagers bring their radios and TVs with them so they can sit in their tents so they don’t have to miss out on the media they consume back home.
Should any of these people get the heads up that they only have a few days left to live, do you think they’d behave the same way? My guess is no: they’d be staring up at the sky, marvelling at the different bird species fluttering around, smelling flowers, and listening to the wind rustling the leaves overhead. Accepting mortality head-on allows you to treasure every experience you have, as you have it, instead of plodding through it on your way to the finish line.
2. You become less moved by fear.
When you think of the things you’re most afraid of, chances are the majority of them are associated with death in some way. For example, you might freak out about a change in your health because something might be seriously wrong, or feel anxious because something might happen that’ll cause a ripple of discomfort in your life. The most common thing that happens when you don’t just face, but embrace mortality head-on, is that this anxiety all but disappears.
Death looms around every corner, and when you see it as a friend rather than an enemy, you can negotiate pretty much anything accordingly. After all, the worst thing that can possibly happen to you is that you’ll die, and that’s not so bad in the grand scheme of things.
Each of us has an expiry date, and with the exception of those who choose assisted dying, we don’t know what that scheduled date will be. Although this uncertainty can cause anxiety, knowing that we all have a release date (so to speak) allows us to let go of all the “what ifs” that plague us on a constant basis.
3. You focus on making joy a priority.
As someone who has come close to dying a few times now, I can tell you from firsthand experience that few things make you want to prioritize joy like the realization that you’ll only have so many minutes left to experience it. You start to see everyday experiences as celebrations, and treat them accordingly.
For example, I sip my coffee from my grandmother’s 100-year-old porcelain cups, and wear my “good clothes” whenever possible, instead of setting them aside for special occasions. If you’ve been holding back from doing the same, consider this your full permission to prioritize joy in every way possible, every day.
Start saying “no” to the things that steal your light, and “yes” to those that fill you with happiness or excitement. Eat the fancy cheese, wear the expensive perfume. Tomorrow may never arrive, so make today a celebration.
4. More pragmatism with the time and resources you have left on this planet.
When you truly acknowledge that your time is finite, you stop wasting it. In fact, you make a point of doing truly important things with whatever time you have left. You’re fully aware that you’re not immortal, so you discard anything that causes pointless drama and put as much effort as possible into the things that matter to you.
For example, instead of spending the weekend listening to your friend complain about the consequences of their poor life choices, you might be volunteering at your local food bank or fostering puppies from a shelter nearby.
Similarly, if you’re facing the end in the foreseeable future and know that you won’t be using the wealth or items you’ve accumulated for much longer, you can donate generously to causes that are important to you. This way, you know for certain that the money has gone where you want it to, and it won’t be held in escrow after you’ve died because your relatives are being weird about it.
5. You can put plans into place to take care of your loved ones (and yourself).
Many people’s lives are thrown into complete chaos when a close family member dies without a will or directives. This often happens when people don’t want to think about their imminent mortality and put off important plans and paperwork for some time in the nebulous future.
When you face your mortality instead of avoiding it, you can take action to get your affairs in order. This can include everything from a living will that has directives about palliative and hospice care if you’re incapacitated, to granting ownership of property, items, etc. You can create both a standard and a living will that outline exactly what type of care you’d like to receive if incapacitated, and to bring you greater comfort at the end of your life.
You can also put plans into place for dependents to be taken care of: this alleviates a lot of stress that comes from worrying what will become of your loved ones if you die unexpectedly.
6. You free yourself from the status quo you’ve been maintaining.
Some people repeat the same day over and over again, believing that this Groundhog Day-like existence is an actual life that they’re living. They repeat the popular “Stay Safe!” mantra as often as possible, and seem to believe that as long as they keep their heads down and don’t take any risks, they may permanently avoid illness, injury, or death.
In reality, their lack of risk means that they’re living the blandest existence possible, and the only real feeling they’ll have when death comes is regret. Now, bravery manifests in different ways for different people: one person may overcome their desire for safety by skydiving, whereas another might drum up the courage to wear socks with sandals despite what others may think of them.
Whatever bravery is for you, embrace it. That way, when the time comes, you can look back and know you actually lived your life, rather than just watching it pass you by.
7. The weight is lifted off your shoulders.
People carry enormous burdens over the course of their lives. From the countless daily tasks they *have* to do, to standards of socializing and adult obligations like dental visits and tax forms. These responsibilities exhaust just about everyone who can’t pay others to take care of the tedium for them.
But when people face their mortality — particularly when it’s imminent, such as if you have a terminal illness and an approximate exit date — they often feel an immense sense of freedom. Quite simply, you can put the burden down and prioritize the things that will lift your heart and soul in the time you have left here on earth.
Once you make peace with your mortality, you can unravel and expunge a lot of the heaviness that was previously weighing you down. Think about all the stressful things that are getting you down on a daily basis, and then consider that none of that will be your problem once you’ve left this mortal realm. Doesn’t that feel freeing?
Final thoughts…
Death is inevitable, and although there are many uncertainties associated with it, facing those uncertainties can go a long way towards alleviating unnecessary fears. If you’ve been struggling with anxiety or depression about death, you may benefit from booking some time with a therapist or spiritual counsellor who can help to guide you through all of your questions and concerns.
Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that death is a doorway we will all pass through, so let’s make the most of our time here and exit with joy and peace when our end date arrives.
“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”
– from Norwegian Wood, by Haruki Murakami
