You can probably remember just how often young people talk about what they want to be when they grow up. There’s so much time and promise ahead of them that the sky seems to be the limit as far as career options and personal aspirations go. This is in stark contrast to middle-aged people, who are expected to just be what they are, as though we stop growing and evolving once we hit 40.
Just because we’re older, that doesn’t mean we have to stagnate. In fact, the techniques listed below are some of the best ways to become everything you’re meant to be as you get older.
1. Go through everything you own and determine how you feel about it.
Most of us have piles of belongings that we’ve accumulated over the decades, much of which we’ve either outgrown, lost interest in, or otherwise don’t even look at anymore. So why are we holding onto it? A misplaced sense of nostalgia? Or perhaps it offers us some comfort that our efforts over the years have resulted in tangible, measurable “stuff” around us?
Take time regularly to trawl through all of your belongings and determine how you feel about each piece. By doing so, you can determine whether these items encompass the version of yourself you want to continue evolving into, or if they’re remnants of a former edition of you that you don’t even recognize anymore.
2. Ask yourself what you would change in your life if you only had a few months left to live.
Having a near-death experience really puts a lot of things into perspective. If you haven’t experienced one, you can create a similar clarity of focus by asking yourself what changes you’d make in your life if you found out that you only had a few months left to live.
The majority of people would live very differently if they knew that their deadline was looming, with choices ranging from leaving the city in favor of a woodland cabin to dressing like a 1930s gangster for the rest of their days.
Sometimes, the certainty created by the realisation that we only have a finite amount of time left paves the way to embody that which is vital. By remembering how short this life is (and envisaging it as even shorter), we can pare down what is and isn’t important, and prioritize the reality of who we truly are, and what we’ve always wanted to do.
3. Take note of what you yearn for in other people’s lives.
I remember spending time with a friend who always sighed enviously when she saw amazing tattoo work on other people. When I asked her why she didn’t get any herself, she gave excuses such as how her parents wouldn’t approve, that they might look weird when she got older, and so on. She had Pinterest boards full of gorgeous tattoo work on other people, and talked about how she might get it done “one day,” when she stopped caring about other people’s opinions.
Think about all the things you see in other people’s lives that make you feel this way. Do you look at folks who are single and carefree and wish you’d taken a different path? Or admire those who dress like rainbow hippies and wish you had the courage to do the same?
The things we admire most in others usually reflect our souls’ deepest longing. They are the things we ache for deeply, but refrain from pursuing because we’re afraid of what others may think or say. Midlife reinvention is all about embracing these things instead of shying away from them anymore.
4. Let go of past mistakes.
How you feel about the missteps you made in the past can often become the “invisible chains that bind.” After all, it’s much harder to get on and reforge yourself when the same old traitorous thoughts turn up to haunt you time and time again.
If you find yourself tormented by memories of things that happened years ago, remind yourself that you aren’t the same person now that you were back then. In fact, every single cell in your body has been replaced a few times over since then, so you’re literally a completely different human being. Focus on now, and only let past missteps serve as a guide as you move forward, allowing you to make better decisions based on prior learning experiences.
5. Spend less time with people who hold you back.
The greatest obstacles that most people encounter when they’re trying to become who they’re meant to be are other human beings. These are the individuals who keep telling you that you’re too old to start over, that other people will think you’re weird, that you don’t have the capability to do the things you want to do, and so on.
But those who make a point of trying to hold you back are usually projecting their own fears and self-doubts onto you because they’re too afraid to live their own lives authentically. If they can prevent you from living your truth, they don’t have to face the reality that their cowardice is holding them back from pursuing theirs. Spend less time with the naysayers and more time with those who encourage your dreams and ask how they can support you.
6. Abandon old projects and pastimes you’ve outgrown.
A lot of people make their projects and pastimes inherent aspects of their personality. Many will even become known by the things they do, like “Oh, there’s Evelyn the long-distance runner,” or “I saw Jim the carpenter the other day,” and so on. When you’re that intertwined with a personal pursuit, it can be very difficult to extricate yourself from it in order to better reflect on who you are now and who you’d like to become.
Aim to earnestly recognize where you are and what you need to do, rather than be hampered by what has inspired or served you for the past few decades. It’s okay to not be a ballerina or boxer anymore. If Sean Bean, our beloved Boromir, can reinvent himself as an enthusiastic bird-watching show host, the sky’s the limit for your own reinvention.
7. Don’t rush anything.
It’s very easy, especially nowadays, to throw yourself into getting everything done as quickly as possible so you can either do yet more things on your list or finally collapse on the couch. If you can, try to slow down and observe your surroundings and your inner emotional and mental state instead of rushing through everything.
Younger people are often so keenly focused on the finish line that they ignore everything they see and experience on the journey to get there. They’re full of energy and enthusiasm, but miss out on countless bits of wisdom and beauty as they go. And even as we age, we’re often in such a rush to conquer and achieve, that after the journey is finished, we have little to no idea of what actually happened or what experience we gained during the process. By taking things more slowly, we have time to reflect in the moment about who we are and where we want to go.
8. Allow your authenticity to reveal itself.
If you’re anything like me, reinventing yourself as you age is more a case of discovery rather than intention. For example, I haven’t necessarily decided to take on X, Y, Z traits, but instead I choose to embrace them as they manifest in my day-to-day existence. Similarly, I haven’t made a list of foods that I’ll damn well enjoy, but instead adjust my meals to suit my changing palate.
Approaching authenticity by letting your true self emerge without forcing or fighting it is rather like watching chicks hatch or bulbs bloom. The process will take different amounts of time for each individual, and the end result will be something uniquely beautiful. Forcing it to occur ahead of its own schedule can be detrimental. Let things unfold and flow with them as they do, rather than trying to control it all.
Final thoughts…
For many people, midlife is a time of great uncertainty and confusion. As such, a lot of them try to cling to ideas of who they were decades earlier, which often results in juvenile behavior that earns nothing but contempt from those around them. You can still delight in things that brought you joy 40 years ago without acting like a petulant teenager.
This midlife metamorphosis comes with good and bad days, but meeting them with courage and dignity will earn you much more peace and respect (including your own) than desperately clinging to a version of yourself that you outgrew in 1997. Embrace it.
