Some people seem to be able to coast through life without being intensely affected by everything around them, while others experience existence as if they have emotional third-degree burns.
In particular, highly sensitive individuals and those who feel deeply often struggle with things that others barely register at all, and this level of sensitivity can affect every aspect of their everyday lives.
The things listed below are those that others may be able to shrug off without a second thought, but which can be devastating if you’re someone who feels everything deeply.
1. Mundane tasks.
People who don’t feel deeply seem to be able to keep on keeping on with their daily lives, regardless of how tumultuous things are in the world around them.
In contrast, those who feel everything deeply have great difficulty maintaining their usual schedule amid this kind of chaos or distress.
For example, recently, I saw a video on Instagram in which a woman was crashing out over the irrelevance and futility of creating a spreadsheet at work when the world seems to be collapsing all around us.
As a deep-feeler, she is so hyper-aware of the cruelties, injustices, and climate-change-driven catastrophes going on that she’s barely able to function. Meanwhile, her coworkers were treating her like she’d gone completely mad.
2. The suffering of others.
Some people can look at photos of abused animals or images of starving children in war-torn countries and think “wow, yeah, that’s really sad”, and then carry on with whatever they were doing a moment before.
These things may be upsetting in the moment, but they’re set aside or forgotten as soon as the browser window or app is closed.
Those who feel deeply, however, are intensely affected by the suffering of others. They can’t just let go of and forget the horrible things they’ve seen, or carry on with their lives without trying to do something — anything — to counteract some of the suffering they have witnessed.
Images or videos they’ve seen may play on repeat for them every time they close their eyes, and the only way they can exorcise these haunting things is to take positive action.
3. Every day sensory input.
When you feel everything deeply, regular everyday sensory input that most people don’t even notice can be excruciating to you.
Sounds are magnified, lights can be dizzying, and the feeling of a particular texture against your skin can make you want to scream.
Those of us who are neurodivergent are particularly sensitive to sensory overwhelm, which is why so many of us use tools like sound-dampening headphones to reduce the onslaught on our senses.
Most people don’t notice things like the ever-present hum of the fridge in their kitchen or the flicker of fluorescent overhead lights at the office, but those who feel everything deeply can get overwhelmed by the sound and visual disturbances that these create.
Being exposed to them for several hours a day can get seriously overwhelming, to the point that many of us end up having to work from home for the sake of our own health and sanity.
4. Doing things that go against their principles.
Most people have a list of things that they feel quite strongly about. If they feel the need (or even the desire) to overstep their own values or principles on occasion, however, they’ll generally do so without making a big deal about it.
For example, someone who’s passionate about the environment might buy fast fashion items that they really like, or a vegetarian might make an exception when their grandmother makes pot roast.
People who feel things deeply can’t do things like this without being severely affected by guilt and remorse, however. They often only violate their deeply-held principles if they have barely any other choice, such as if they’re homeless and starving.
And even then, they’ll feel terrible about it and will do what they can to make amends when they’re able to.
5. The ripple effects of their actions.
A lot of people don’t really put much thought into how others may be affected by their actions. They do what they like at any given moment, never considering the ripples that may be caused by the pebbles they toss.
For example, an individual may not tell a friend or family member that they’re ill because they don’t want that person to cancel plans with them. And if that person gets sick too, it’s no big deal to them.
In contrast, a person who feels things deeply makes a point of putting themselves into everyone else’s shoes so they can anticipate any possible effect that their actions may cause.
They would rather feel disappointment than risk hurting another or potentially damaging someone’s trust and faith in them.
6. Being misunderstood when communicating.
All of us experience being misunderstood at times. We might say one thing when we mean another because we’re tired or ill, or struggle to find the right words to express ourselves. Or someone might simply misunderstand us because we all communicate in different ways.
When that happens, most people usually just regroup and then clarify what it was that they meant later, and never give it a second thought.
For those who feel everything deeply, however, being misunderstood can be a deeply upsetting experience, particularly when it happens frequently. They may be haunted for years by things they said in error, feeling intense embarrassment for having stumbled over their words.
And as a result, they might make a point of being incredibly articulate and precise when they speak to others, or will over-explain everything with disclaimers and context in an attempt to never be misunderstood again.
7. What others may think of them.
Those who feel things deeply often struggle with being judged by others. They may be so sensitive about being thought of poorly by those around them that they adapt their entire lives to being as pleasing and acceptable to others as possible.
This mindset is completely alien to those who really don’t care what some random stranger thinks about what they’re wearing or buying at the grocery store. If someone gives them a dirty look for buying a cart full of snacks for themselves, they’ll either grin or flip them the finger.
For a person who feels very deeply, however, a disapproving glare can fill them with anxiety about going grocery shopping, so they’ll get an Instacart shopper to buy organic produce and kale juice for them instead of eating what they really want.
8. Fleeting negative experiences.
When the average person goes through something difficult, they’ll experience the hardship in the moment and then move past it. Rather than affecting them permanently, the difficulty will slide off them like water off a duck’s back.
They might think of it occasionally, such as if another experience triggers a memory about it, but they won’t feel anything in particular about it. In fact, it’ll be much like remembering a scene in a film they watched years ago — from a distance, without emotional involvement.
This is in stark contrast to those who feel everything incredibly deeply.
Things that barely affect others may traumatize them deeply, affecting their day-to-day experience from that day onward. They might even be fully aware that their response is disproportionate to what had occurred, but they can’t help but be intensely affected by it.
A fleeting bad experience with a partner may prevent them from ever being able to trust enough to date again, for example, or a negative experience with an animal or food in early childhood might lead to lifelong phobias or aversions.
Final thoughts…
Those who feel things deeply are often condemned by others for being thin-skinned, oversensitive, overdramatic, and so on.
In reality, it’s a rare gift to be able to feel deeply in a world that seems intent upon hurting and desensitizing people.
Those who feel a great deal are often incredibly loving and compassionate, and do what they can to make the world a better place. Many work in caregiving roles, and others do their bit by cleaning woodlands and rivers, or run animal rescues and sanctuaries.
While it certainly comes with its challenges, it’s the deep feelers and dreamers who often strive hardest to make the world a better place every day.
