Most of us have experienced situations in our lives where we’ve tried to determine whether to stay or go.
In a lot of them, we’ve made lists of pros and cons and agonized over things that “really aren’t that bad,” even though they were wearing us down a bit more every day.
Sometimes this goes on for years, until we finally reach a point in which we can’t justify staying any longer. If you’ve reached that point, you’ll likely recognize some key indicators that it’s finally time to walk away. Permanently.
9 signs it’s finally the right time to walk away from something or someone (for good):
1. When you find yourself asking everyone around you if you should.
If you catch yourself often turning to others and asking them their opinions as to whether you should end the thing in question — whether it’s quitting a job, leaving a partner, or abandoning a pursuit — that’s usually a clear sign that you’re weary of it on a fundamental level.
Looking for reassurance from others to put an end to this thing is natural and very common. If this is the case with you, then give yourself permission to quit.
It’s smart to look for outside insight on whether it’s time to call it quits, but ultimately that choice has to come from you.
You may be hesitant to do so because you don’t want to hurt someone, for example. Or if it’s work-related, the threat to financial security is definitely a good factor to consider.
As such, do make sure you have contingencies in place before you bite the bullet and end it, but don’t let them become excuses if there is a way around them.
2. When you’re continually doing all the work.
This applies whether you’re working on a group project that you aren’t particularly attached to, or a relationship that has become unbalanced over time.
You never signed up to carry the bulk of the load yourself, yet that’s how things have unfolded.
Usually this isn’t a one-time thing so much as a situation that has evolved slowly over time, much like the old adage about boiling a frog.
For example, perhaps your spouse’s contributions to the family finances have decreased less and less over the years, essentially forcing you to carry their share in addition to your own. You end up doing twice the amount of work, but with no extra benefits.
If you’ve reached a point where the only emotions you feel for this person (or situation) are contempt and resentment, and they are showing no willingness to improve things, then that’s a surefire sign it’s time to walk away.
3. When you find that you feel distressed whenever you’re dealing with it/them.
If you find that you feel a bone-deep distress or discomfort whenever you happen to interact with this individual or situation, that’s a sure sign that enough is enough.
Your body gives you very strong, visceral signs that you’ve reached your breaking point, and that you’re tormenting yourself by remaining in that situation.
If, for example, you find yourself feeling sick or crippled with anxiety before dealing with the person or location in question, then your body and mind are giving you undeniable signs that they’re not happy.
I’ve experienced this. When I was in my late teens, I had a job in a supermarket that I couldn’t stand for various reasons.
Every single morning before I went to work, I’d start shaking and vomiting. I ignored that as long as I could because I needed the money, but after collapsing on the bathroom floor one morning, I knew I couldn’t go in there one more time.
4. When they’ve completely broken your trust.
Nothing tells you that it’s time to quit like when someone utterly destroys your trust or faith in them.
Funnily enough, this can be over the smallest thing, but it’s handled in such a way that it clearly lets you know that you mean very little to them, and they don’t respect you at all.
This can manifest in a number of different ways depending on the person.
For example, you might discover that your partner has been lying to you about finances for several years, or a friend promises to be there for you when you really need them, only for them to disappear without a word when that day arrives, and then shows no remorse afterward.
If the trust has been broken beyond repair, it’s the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.
5. When you don’t feel like yourself anymore.
If you’re trying to force your way through a challenging situation and every part of you is pushing back, it’s very easy to lose touch with yourself.
You’ve put in so much time and energy doing something that you don’t want to do, and now you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
Take a solid look at your life and ask yourself when you last did something that was important to you.
Have you been creative recently? Spent time doing a hobby you’ve always loved?
If you can’t remember the last time you partook in things that have always meant the world to you, or you don’t even know what you like anymore, that’s a good sign that it’s time to walk away.
6. When the person or situation is damaging your health.
How is your health these days? And how does it compare to how it was before you got involved in this relationship or situation?
If your health — physical, mental, and/or emotional — has gotten progressively worse the longer you’re dealing with this thing or person, then you need to prioritize yourself and leave.
Things may not have been quite so bad at first, but your health has deteriorated bit by bit over time.
You may not even have noticed it taking such a nosedive until you found yourself shocked by your reflection, or you ended up in the hospital.
Of course, we all have to do things we don’t like at times, but there’s a limit to how much the human mind and body can readily endure.
7. When your life isn’t your own anymore.
Many situations encroach upon our lives little by little.
For example, your employer might have been taking advantage of you a bit more every time they ask you to work late, or text you after hours to work on your off time.
Or your partner weaponizes incompetence and slowly shifts all of their domestic tasks onto your plate over the course of several months (or years).
If your daily life consists of working yourself to the bone for other people’s benefit, but you aren’t gaining any advantage from this behavior at all, then that’s a sign that it’s time to go.
This is especially true if you’ve tried to walk away a few times before but failed to follow through. This teaches the other person that they can continue as they are, or even escalate their behavior, safe in the knowledge that you won’t leave.
Things won’t change. The only thing that’ll happen if you don’t leave is that things will continue to worsen from here on in.
8. When people who care about you hold an intervention.
You can often tell which people care about you the most by whether they’re willing to damage your relationship by being honest with you about something difficult.
For example, if a good friend of yours takes you aside to tell you that they know your partner has been mistreating you and they’re worried for your safety.
Similar interventions might happen to talk to you about a toxic work situation, a group that you’ve gotten involved with, or an obsession of yours that’s gotten unhealthy.
We don’t often have a clear perspective when we’re mired in a situation, but if our friends are calling attention to something for our own protection, that’s a surefire sign that change needs to happen.
9. When you realize that nothing will ever change for the better.
Quite often, after you’ve been pouring your heart and soul into an endeavor or a relationship, you wake up one day and realize that nothing about your situation is going to improve, no matter what you do.
In fact, things might even be getting worse, and you’ve just been growing more desensitized to them to your detriment.
You may be holding off from leaving your unhealthy situation due to the sunk-cost fallacy. You’ve invested so much time, effort, and money into it that you feel obligated to continue it, even though you might know, logically and rationally, that leaving is the smarter and healthier option.
In reality, the only real risk here is how much more you’d lose by staying.
Final thoughts…
A lot of people tolerate terrible things for much longer than they should because they’re afraid or hurting or disappointing others by leaving.
In other situations, they may be afraid of leaving because they don’t have a strong support network to lean on, and feel that they don’t have many other options.
There are always other paths that can be taken, even if they seem daunting at first.
Your health, happiness, and well-being take precedence over potentially disappointing others, so take these signs as clues that the time to walk away has finally arrived.
