Boredom is an inevitability in life, and that’s the case even when you’ve got a partner to share your time with.
Our minds thrive on stimulation and novelty, so when things in our lives fall into a lull, we can feel bored and uninspired. This often happens when our days meld together due to duty and obligation, or when things get so quiet that we aren’t getting dopamine bursts.
But interestingly, how you and your partner behave together during these times of tedium can speak volumes about your relationship.
If you do the things listed below, you can be sure your partnership is stronger and more secure than ever.
8 things strong and secure couples do during the boring times:
1. Transform tedium into play.
Even the most boring tasks can become more engaging if you and your partner get playful with them.
For example, whenever my partner and I have a tedious endeavor ahead of us, like re-grouting the bathroom floor or weeding the garden, we find silly or fun ways to make a game out of it.
We may try to one-up each other with terrible puns and “dad jokes” while we’re working, or we’ll play word games or create a great music playlist to sing along to.
The goal is to ease the banality of the task by making it more entertaining, and you rarely have as much fun as when you’re together.
2. Sit in comfortable, companionable silence.
Another hallmark of a strong, secure relationship is the ability to quietly be in each other’s presence without the need to fill the silence with empty chatter.
The two of you can do your own thing, such as reading or doing crafts, and be completely comfortable sharing that space together.
You both recognize that just because you’re being quiet, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong. This is what psychologists call “parallel play,” and it involves being able to share physical space while doing your own activities, without feeling any great need or pressure to interact with one another.
It’s a hallmark of a strong, secure relationship, as well as immense self-assurance and confidence in each individual partner.
3. Take a nap.
When people are truly comfortable and secure with one another, they can often fall asleep easily in each other’s company. My partner and I knew that we had something truly exceptional when we realized how easily we can doze off when we’re together.
She has complex PTSD and her hypervigilance usually prevents her from relaxing when others are around, but she’s able to fall asleep within minutes of lying down beside me.
In turn, I sleep much more soundly and peacefully when she’s nearby.
We often listen to audiobooks or other stories late at night, and it’s not unusual for us to try to listen to the same one several times over because we’ve passed out before the halfway mark.
Is this a mark of boring middle-aged people? Possibly… but it also illustrates just how content and secure we are together.
4. Take care of duties as a team.
This may sound as dull as dung, but if the two of you can work together as a team to get a game plan going for life’s less exciting responsibilities, that speaks volumes about how strong and secure your partnership is.
Very few people daydream about all the tasks and duties they have to perform. Adulting can be an incredibly tedious slog at times, but having a partner to share those duties with can make things go much more smoothly.
Maybe you and your partner divide up tasks according to personal skill and preference, or do them together to get them done more quickly. Either way, you work as a well-oiled machine to get the adulting over and done with efficiently.
5. Reminisce pleasantly.
One thing that a lot of couples like to do during boring moments is to reminisce about lovely things they experienced together in the past.
They might be working on some menial household chore, for example, and remind each other of a similar task they did together years before, like in the first apartment they shared together when they were broke college students.
Alternatively, if they’re dealing with some drudgery, they may think back on an experience they shared that was rather wonderful.
By remembering what that was like, they may be inspired to either re-create it or take part in something similar together. For example, recalling that they had such a great time together on their honeymoon cruise that they’d like to book something similar for their upcoming anniversary.
6. Plan a dream together.
Sometimes, it’s in the most boring moments that couples can come up with new dreams that they’d like to pursue together.
My partner and I were lying in the grass this past summer, identifying ridiculous shapes in the clouds, when we started trading ideas about potential things to build on the property.
This led to some solid plans that we’re aiming to put into practice over the next few years, which include buying up some more land around us.
Similarly, the daydreaming that you and your partner may do during your boring moments can lead to solid, actionable plans to do together.
When you have a strong, secure relationship, you know that you can depend upon one another to hold up your end of the responsibilities discussed to make important things happen.
7. Torment each other playfully.
For many couples, roasting or silly pranks are part of their love language. Because of this, during boring moments in their lives, they may take it upon themselves to torment each other lovingly, in the ways they know will amuse each other the most.
They might ask each other questions like “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” do silly things like put potatoes in each other’s shoes, or hide ridiculous little toys in strange places for each other to find.
The goal is to make each other laugh and make even the most boring situations more engaging and entertaining.
8. Ask playful hypotheticals.
Couples who are strong and secure in their relationships will sometimes playfully ponder who they’d get together with in the event of their unexpected demise, or who they’d hook up with if they had a single pass to do so.
(A one-time pass for Henry Cavill or Zendaya would be completely understandable, for example.)
Alternatively, they might ask silly things like “If you had to date one character from The Simpsons, who would it be?”
There’s no jealousy or possessiveness here: these musings are completely play-based and hypothetical, and each partner is secure enough in the relationship to not feel threatened by make-believe interests.
Final thoughts…
When a partnership is strong and secure, it isn’t jeopardized by things like silence or idle musings.
Instead, both partners are wholly confident in their devotion to one another; so much so that they can tease each other about celebrity crushes or lovingly prank one another without any hard feelings.
They’re as playful towards each other as they are devoted to one another, with full awareness that they’re safe and loved unconditionally.
A bond like that is a rare and sacred treasure indeed.
